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My father is here look'd for every day,
A Room in Petruchio's House.
Enter KATHARINA and GRUMIO.
Gru. No, no; forsooth; I dare not, for my life. Kath. The more my wrong, the more his spite
Gru. What say you to a neat's foot ?
Gru. I fear, it is too cholerick a meat :-
Kath. I like it well; good Grumio, fetch it me.
Gru. I cannot tell ; I fear, 'tis cholerick. What say you to a piece of beef, and mustard ? Kath. A dish that I do love to feed
upon. Gru. Ay, but the mustard is too hot a little. Kath. Why, then the beef, and let the mustard
rest. Gru. Nay, then I will not; you shall have the
mustard, Or else you get no beef of Grumio.
Kath. Then both, or one, or any thing thou wilt. Gru. Why, then the mustard without the beef. Kath. Go, get thee gone, thou false deluding slave,
[Beats him. That feed'st me with the very name of meat: Sorrow on thee, and all the pack of you, That triumph thus uport my misery! Go, get thee gone, I say. Enter PETRUCHIO with a dish of meat ; and
HORTENSIO. Pet. How fares my KateWhat, sweeting, all
amort?5 Hor. Mistress, what cheer? Kath.
'Faith, as cold as can be. Pet. Pluck up thy spirits, look cheerfully upon me. Here, love; thou see'st how diligent I am, To dress thy meat myself, and bring it thee :
[Sets the dish on a table, I am sure, sweet Kate, this kindness merits thanks. What, not a word ? Nay then, thou lov'st it not;
And all my pains is sorted to no proof:
'Pray you, let it stand. Pet. The poorest service is repaid with thanks; And so shall mine, before you touch the meat.
Kath. I thank you, sir.
Hor. Signior Petruchio, fye! you are to blame! Come, mistress Kate, I'll bear you company. Pet. Eat it up all, Hortensio, if thou lov'st me.
[Aside. Much good do it unto thy gentle heart ! Kate, eat apace :-And now, my honey love, Will we return unto thy father's house; And revel it as bravely as the best, With silken coats, and caps, and golden rings, With ruffs, and cuffs, and farthingales, and things; With scarfs, and fans, and double change of bravery, With amber bracelets, beads, and all this knavery. What, hast thou din'd? The tailor stays thy leisure, To deck thy body with his ruffling 7 treasure.
Come, tailor, let us see these ornaments;
Lay forth the gown. What news with you,
sir? Hab. Here is the cap your worship did bespeak.
Pet. Why, this was moulded on a porringer?
Away with it, come, let me have a bigger.
Kath. I'll have no bigger; this doth fit the time, And gentlewomen wear such caps as these.
Pet. When you are gentle, you shall have one too, And not till then. Hor.
That will not be in haste. (Aside. Kath. Why, sir, I trust, I may have leave to
Pet. Why, thou say’st true; it is a paltry cap,
Kath. Love me, or love me not, I like the cap;
see't. O mercy, God! what masking stuff is here? What's this ? a sleeve? 'tis like a demi-cannon: What! up and down, carv'd like an apple-tart? Here's snip, and nip, and cut, and slish, and slash, Like to a censer, in a barber's shop :Why, what, o’devil's name, tailor, call'st thou this? Hor. I see, she's like to have neither cap nor gown.
8 A coffin was the culinary term for raised crust.
Tai. You bid me make it orderly and well, According to the fashion, and the time.
Pet. Marry, and did; but if you be remember'd, I did not bid you mar it to the time. Go, hop me over every kennel home, For
you shall hop without my custom, sir : I'll none of it; hence, make your best of it.
Kath. I never saw a better-fashion'd gown, More quaint,' more pleasing, nor more commend
able : Belike, you mean to make a puppet of me. Pet. Why, true; he means to make a puppet of
thee. Tai. She says, your worship means to make a puppet of her. Pet. O monstrous arrogance! Thou liest, thou
thread, Thou thimble, Thou yard, three-quarters, half-yard, quarter, nail, Thou flea, thou nit, thou winter cricket thou :Brav'd in mine own house with a skein of thread! Away, thou rag, thou quantity, thou remnant; Or I shall so be-mete 2 thee with thy yard, As thou shalt think on prating whilst thou liv'st! I tell thee, I, that thou hast marr'd her gown.
Tai. Your worship is deceiv'd; the gown is made Just as my master had direction : Grumio gave order how it should be done. Gru. I
gave him no order, I gave him the stuff. Tai. But how did you desire it should be made? Gru. Marry, sir, with needle and thread.