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Orl. I swear to thee, youth, by the white hand of Rosalind, I am that he, that unfortunate he.
Ros. But are you so much in love as your rhymes speak 2
Orl. Neither rhyme nor reason can express how much.
Ros. Love is merely a madness; and, I tell you, deserves as well a dark house and a whip, as madmen do: and the reason why they are not so punished and cured, is, that the lunacy is so ordinary, that the whippers are in love too: Yet I profess curing it by counsel.
Orl. Did you ever cure any so
Ros. Yes, one; and in this manner. He was to imagine me his love, his mistress; and I set him every day to woo me: At which time would I, being but a moonish; youth, grieve, be effeminate, changeable, longing, and liking; proud, fantastical, apish, shallow, inconstant, full of tears, full of smiles; for every passion something, and for no passion truly any thing, as boys and women are for the most part cattle of this colour: would now like him, now loath him; then entertain him, then forswear him; now weep for him, then spit at him; that I drave my suitor from his mad humour of love, to a living humour of madness; which was, to forswear the full stream of the world, and to live in a nook merely monastick: And thus I cured him; and this way will I take upon me to wash your liver as clean as a sound sheep's heart, that there shall not be one spot of love in't.
Orl. I would not be cured, youth. Ros. I would cure you, if you would but call me Rosalind, and come every day to my cote, and WOO me. Orl. Now, by the faith of my love, I will; tell me where it is. Ros. Go with me to it, and I'll show it you: and, by the way, you shall tell me where in the forest you live: Will you go? Orl. With all my heart, good youth. Ros. Nay, you must call me Rosalind:—Come, sister, will you go? [Ereunt.
Enter TouchSTONE and AUDREY ; JAQUEs at a distance, observing them.
Touch. Come apace, good Audrey; I will fetch up your goats, Audrey: And how, Audrey 2 am I the man yet? Doth my simple feature content you? Aud. Your features | Lord warrant us ! what features? Touch. I am here with thee and thy goats, as the most capricious" poet, honest Ovid, was among the Goths. Jaq, O knowledge ill-inhabited 17 worse than Jove in a thatch'd house ! [Aside. Touch. When a man's verses cannot be understood, nor a man's good wit seconded with the forward child, understanding, it strikes a man more
6 Lascivious. 7 Ill-lodged, WOL. III, M *
dead than a great reckoning in a little room:—Truly, I would the gods had made thee poetical. Aud. I do not know what poetical is: Is it honest in deed, and word 2 Is it a true thing 2 Touch. No, truly; for the truest poetry is the most feigning; and lovers are given to poetry; and what they swear in poetry, may be said, as lovers, they do feign. Aud. Do you wish then, that the gods had made me poetical ? Touch. I do, truly: for thou swear'st to me, thou art honest; now, if thou wert a poet, I might have some hope thou didst feign. Aud. Would you not have me honest ? Touch. No truly, unless thou wert hard-favour'd: for honesty coupled to beauty, is to have honey a sauce to sugar. Jaq. A material fool!" [Aside. Aud. Well, I am not fair; and therefore I pray the gods make me honest' Touch. Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a foul slut, were to put good meat into an unclean dish. Aud. I am not a slut, though I thank the gods I am foul.9 Touch. Well, praised be the gods for thy foulness! sluttishness may come hereafter. But be it as it may be, I will marry thee: and to that end, I have been with Sir Oliver Mar-text, the vicar of the next village; who hath promised to meet me in this place of the forest, and to couple us.
* A fool with matter in him. 9 Homely.
Jaq. I would fain see this meeting. [Aside. Aud. Well, the gods give us joy!
Touch. Amen. A man may, if he were of a fearful heart, stagger in this attempt; for here we have no temple but the wood, no assembly but hornbeasts. But what though Courage . As horns are odious, they are necessary. It is said, Many a man knows no end of his goods: right: many a man has good horns, and knows no end of them. Well, that is the dowry of his wife; 'tis none of his own getting. Horns 2 Even so: Poor men alone; No, no; the noblest deer hath them as huge as the rascal." Is the single man therefore blessed ? No: as a wall'd town is more worthier than a village, so is the forehead of a married man more honourable than the bare brow of a bachelor; and by how much defence” is better than no skill, by so much is a horn more precious than to want.
Enter Sir OLIVER MAR-TEXT.
Here comes sir Oliver:-Sir Oliver Mar-text, you
are well met: Will you despatch us here under this
tree, or shall we go with you to your chapel?
is not lawful.
give her. Touch. Good even, good master What ye call't: How do you, sir? You are very well met: God'ild you? for your last company: I am very glad to see you:—Even a toy in hand here, sir:-Nay; pray, be cover'd. Jaq. Will you be married, motley Touch. As the ox hath his bow," sir, the horse his curb, and the faulcon her bells, so man hath his desires; and as pigeons bill, so wedlock would be nibbling. Jaq. And will you, being a man of your breeding, be married under a bush, like a beggar? Get you to church, and have a good priest that can tell you what marriage is: this fellow will but join you together as they join wainscot; then one of you will prove a shrunk pannel, and, like green timber, warp, warp. Touch. I am not in the mind but I were better to be married of him than of another : for he is not like to marry me well; and not being well married, it will be a good excuse for me hereafter to leave my wife. ... [Aside, Jaq. Go thou with me, and let me counsel thee, Touch. Come, sweet Audrey; We must be married, or we must live in bawdry, Farewell, good master Oliver! Not—O sweet Oliver, O brave Oliver, Leave me not behi' thee; But—Wind away, Begone, I say, I will not to wedding wi' thee. [Ereunt JAQ. Touch. and AUDREY.
* Lean deer are called rascal deer. 2 The art of fencing. 3 God reward you. 4. Yoke,