Dangle. Very true, egad-tho' he's my friend.

Sneer. Then his affected contempt of all newspaper ftrictures; tho', at the fame time, he is the forest man alive, and shrinks like fcorch'd parchment from the fiery ordeal of true criticif: yet he is fo covetous of popularity, that he had rather be abused than not mentioned at all.

Dangle. There's no denying it-tho' he is my friend.

Sneer. You have read the tragedy he has just finished, hav'n't you?

Dangle. O yes; he fent it to me yesterday.

Sneer. Weil, and you think it execrable, don't you?

Dangle. Why between ourfelves, egad I must own-tho' he's my friend that it is one of the moit-He's here [Afide]-finished and moft admirable perform

[Sir Fretful without.] Mr. Sneer with him did you say?

Enter Sir Fretful.

Ah, my dear friend!-Egad, we were just speaking of your tragedy. -Admirable, Sir Fretful, admirable!

• Sneer. You never did any thing beyond it, Sir Fretful-never in your life.

• Sir Fretful. You make me extremely happy ;-for without a compliment, my dear Sneer, there isn't a man in the world whofe judgment I value as I do yours.-And Mr. Dangle's.

Mrs. Dangle. They are only laughing at you, Sir Fretful; for it was but just now that

Dangle. Mrs. Dangle!-Ah, Sir Fretful, you know Mrs. Dangle. -My friend Sneer was rallying juft now-He knows how the admires you, and

Sir Fretful. O Lord-I am fure Mr. Sneer has more taste and fincerity than to -A damn'd double-faced fellow! [Afide.

Dangle. Yes, yes,-Sneer will jeft-but a better humour'd-
Sir Fretful. O, I know

Dangle. He has a ready turn for ridicule-his wit cofts him nothing.

Sir Fretful. No, egad-or I should wonder how he came by it.

[Afide. Mrs. Dangle. Because his jeft is always at the expence of his friend.

Dangle. But, Sir Fretful, have you fent your play to the managers yet?--or can I be of any fervice to you?

Sir Fretful. No, no, I thank you; I believe the piece had fufficient recommendation with it.-I thank you tho'.-I fent it to the manager of COVENT GARDEN THEATRE this morning.

Sneer. I should have thought now, that it might have been caft (as the actors call it) better at DRURY-LANE.

Sir Fretful. O lud! no-never fend a play there while I liveharkee! [Whispers Sneer.]

Sneer. Writes himself!-I know he does――

Sir Fretful. I fay nothing-I take away from no man's meritam hurt at no man's good fortune-I fay nothing.-But this I will fay -through all my knowledge of life, I have obferv'd-that there is not a pallion fo ftrongly rooted in the human heart as envy !

" Sneer.

Sneer. I believe you have reafon for what you fay, indeed. Sir Fretful. Befides-I can tell you it is not always fo fafe to leave a play in the hands of thofe who write themfelves.

Sneer. What, they may fteal from them, hey, my dear Plagiary? Sir Fretful. Steal!-to be fure they may; and, egad, ferve your beft thoughts as gypfies do ftolen children, disfigure them to make 'em pass tor their own.

Sner. But your prefent work is a facrifice to Melpomene, and HE, you know, never

Sir Fretful. That's no fecurity.-A dex'trous plagiarist may do any thing. Why, Sir, for ought I know, he might take out fome of the best things in my tragedy, and put them into his own comedy. Sneer. That might be done, I dare be sworn.

Sir Fretful. And then, if fuch a perfon gives you the leaft hint or affiftance, he is devilish apt to take the merit of the whole

Dangle If it fucceeds.

Sir Fretful. Aye- but wi h regard to this piece, I think I can hit that gentleman, for I can fafely fwear he never read it.

Sneer. I'll tell you how you may hurt him more

Sir Fretful. How ?

Sneer. Swear he wrote it.

• Sir Fretful. Plague on't now, Sneer, I fhall take it ill.-I believe you want to take away my character as an author!

• Sneer. Then I am fure you ought to be very much oblig'd to me. Sir Fretful. Hey!-Sir!

Dangle. O you know, he never means what he fays.

Sir Fretful. Sincerely then-you do like the piece?
Sneer. Worderfully!

Sir Fretful. But come now, there must be fomething that you think might be mended, hey?-Mr. Dangle, has nothing truck you? Dangle. Why faith, it is but an ungracious thing for the inolt part to

• Sir Fretful. With most authors it is juft fo indeed; they are in general strangely tenacious!-But, for my part, I am never fo well pleafed as when a judicious critic points out any defect to me; for what is the purpose of fhewing a work to a friend, if you don't mean to profit by his opinion?

Sneer. Very true.-Why then, tho' I ferioufly admire the piece upon the whole, yet there is one fmall objeЯion; which, if you'll give me leave, I'll mention.

Sir Fretful. Sir, you can't oblige me more.

Sneer. I think it wants incident.

Sir Fretful. Good God!—you furprize me!-wants incident!-
Sneer. Yes; I own I think the incidents are too few.

Sir Fretful. Good God!-Believe me, Mr. Sneer, there is no perfon for who e judgment I have a more implicit deference.-But I protest to you, Mr. Sneer, I am only apprehenfive that the incidents are too crowded. My dear Dangle, how does it trike you?

Dangle. Really I can't agree with my friend Sacer. I think the plot quite fufficient; and the four firit acts by many degrees the beft I ever lead or faw in my life. If I might venture to fuggeft any thing, it is that the intereft rather falls off in the fifth.

Rsv. Oct. 1781.

Sir Fretful. -Rifes; I believe you mean, Sir.

Dangle. No; I don't upon my word.

• Sir Fretful. Yes, yes, you do upon my foul-it certainly don't fall off, I affure you-No, no, it don't fall off..

Dangle. Now, Mrs. Dangle, didn't you fay it ftruck you in the fame light?

Mrs. Dangle. No, indeed, I did not-I did not fee a fault in any part of the play from the beginning to the end.

Sir Fretful. Upon my foul the women are the best judges after all! Mrs. Dangle. Or if I made any objection, I am fure it was to nothing in the piece; but that I was afraid it was, on the whole, a little too long.

Sir Fretful. Pray, Madam, do you fpeak as to duration of time; or do you mean that the flory is tediously fpun out?

Mrs. Dangle. O Lud! no.-I fpeak only with reference to the ufual length of acting plays.

Sir Fretful. Then I am very happy-very happy indeed-because the play is a fhort play, a remarkably fhort play :-I should not venture to differ with a lady on a point of talle; but on thefe occafions, the watch, you know, is the critic.

誓

Mrs. Dangle. Then, I fuppofe, it must have been Mr. Dangle's drawling manner of reading it to me.

Sir Fretful. O, if Mr. Dangle read it! that's quite another af fair!-But I affure you, Mrs. Dangle, the firft evening you can fpare me three hours and an half, I'll undertake to read you the whole from beginning to end, with the Prologue and Epilogue, and allow time for the mufic between the acts.

Mrs. Dangle. I hope to fee it on the flage next.

Dangle. Well, Sir Fretful, I wish you may be able to get rid as safily of the news-paper criticisms as you do of ours.-

Sir Fretful. The NEWS-PAPERS!-Sir, they are the most villainous-licentious-abominable-infernal - Not that I ever read them-No-I make it a rule never to look into a news-paper.

Dangle. You are quite right—for it certainly muft hurt an author of delicate feelings to fee the liberties they take.

Sir Fretful. No!-quite the contrary;-their abufe is, in fact, the beft panegyric-I like it of all things.-An author's reputation is only in danger from their fupport.

Sneer. Why that's true-and that attack now on you the other day

Sir Fretful.

-What? where?

Dangle. Aye, you mean in a paper of Thursday; it was completely ill-natur'd to be fure.

Sir Fretful. O, fo much the better.-Ha! ha! ha!--I wou'dn't have it otherwife.

Dangle. Certainly it is only to be laugh'd at; for

Sir Fretful. You don't happen to recollect what the fellow faid, do you?

Sneer. Pray, Dangle-Sir Fretful feems a little anxious— Sir Fretful. O lud, no!-anxious,-not I,-not the leaft.-I -But one may as well hear you know.

Dangle, Sneer, do you recollect?-Make out fomething. [Afide.

• Sneer

Sneer. I will, [to Dangle.]-Yes, yes, I remember perfectly.

Sir Fretful. Well, and pray now-Not that it fignifies-what might the gentleman fay?

Sneer. Why, he roundly afferts that you have not the slightest invention, or original genius whatever; tho' you are the greatest traducer of all other authors living.

• Sir Fretful. Ha! ha! ha! very good!

• Sneer. That as to COMEDY, you have not one idea of your own, he believes, even in your common place-book-where ftray jokes, and pilfered witticifms are kept with as much method as the ledger of the LOST and STOLEN-OFFICE.

Sir Fretful. Ha! ha! ha!-very pleasant!

Sneer. Nay, that you are fo unlucky as not to have the fkill even to fteal with tafte.-But that you glean from the refufe of obscure volumes, where more judicious plagiarists have been before you; fo that the body of your work is a compofition of dregs and fediments-like a bad tavern's worst wine.

Sir Fretful. Ha! ha!

• Sneer. In your more ferious efforts, he fays, your bombaft would be lefs intolerable, if the thoughts were ever fuited to the expreffion; but the homeliness of the fentiment ftares thro' the fantastic encumbrance of its fine language, like a clown in one of the new uniforms! Sir Fretful. Ha! ha!

Sneer. That your occafional tropes and flowers fuit the general coarfenes of your ftile, as tambour fprigs would a ground of linfeywolfey; while your imitations of Shakspeare refemble the mimicry of Falftaff's Page, and are about as near the ftandard of the original. • Sir Fretful. Ha!

• Sneer. In short, that even the finest paffages you steal are of no fervice to you; for the poverty of your own language prevents their affimilating; fo that they lie on the furface like lumps of marl on a barren moor, encumbering what it is not in their power to fertilize!Sir Fretful. (After great agitation.) -Now another perfon would be vex'd at this.

Sneer. Oh! but I wou'dn't have told you, only to divert you. Sir Fretful. I know it-I am diverted,-Ha! ha! ha!-not the leaft invention!-Ha! ha! ha! very good!-very good!

Sneer. Yes-no genius! Ha! ha! ha!

Dangle. A fevere rogue! Ha! ha! ha! But you are quite right, Sir Fretful, never to read fuch nonfenfe.

Sir Fretful. To be fure-for if there is any thing to one's praife, it is a foolish vanity to be gratified at it, and if it is abufe,-why one is always fure to hear of it from one damn'd good-natur'd friend or

another !

Enter Servant.

Serv. Sir, there is an Italian gentleman, with a French interpreter, and three young ladies, and a dozen muficians, who fay they are fent by LADY RONDEAU and MRS. FUGE.

"Dangle. Gadfo! they come by appointment. Dear Mrs. Dangle do let them know I'll fee them directly.

U 2

· Mrs.

Mrs. Dangle. You know, Mr. Dangle, I shan't understand a word they fay.

Dangle. But you hear there's an interpreter.

Mrs. Dangle. Well, I'll try to endure their complaifance till you

come.

[Exit.

Serv. And Mr. PUFF, Sir, has fent word that the last rehearfal is to be this morning, and that he'll call on you prefently.

Dangle. That's true-I fhall certainly be at home. [Exit Servant.] Now, Sir Fretful, if you have a mind to have justice done you in the way of anfwer-Egad, Mr. PUFF's your man.

Sir Fretful. Phaw! Sir, why fhould I wish to have it answered, when I tell you I am pleafed at it?

Dangle. True, I had forgot that. But I hope you are not fretted at what Mr. Sneer

Sir Fretful. -Zounds! no, Mr. Dangle, don't I tell you these things never fret me in the least.

Dangle. Nay, I only thought

Sir Fretful. And let me tell you, Mr. Dangle, 'tis damn'd affronting in you to fuppofe that I am hurt, when I tell you I am not. Sneer. But why fo warm, Sir Fretful?

Sir Fretful. Gadflife! Mr. Sneer, you are as abfurd as Dangle; how often muft I repeat it to you, that nothing can vex me but your fuppofing it poffible for me to mind the damn'd nonsense you have been repeating to me!-and let me tell you, if you continue to beJieve this, you must mean to infult me, gentlemen-and then your difrefpe&t will affect me no more than the news-paper criticifms-and I hall treat it with exactly the fame calm indifference and philofophic contempt and fo your fervant. [Exit.

Sncer. Ha! ha! ha! Poor Sir Fretful! Now will he go and vent his philofophy in anonymous abufe of all modern critics and authors -But, Dangle, you must get your friend PUFF to take me to the rehearsal of his tragedy.

Dangle. I'll anfwer for't, he'll thank you for defiring it. But come and help me to judge of this musical family; they are recommended by people of confequence, I affure you.

Sneer. I am at your difpofal the whole morning-but I thought you had been a decided critic in mufic, as well as in literature?

• Dangle. So I am-but I have a bad ear.-Efaith, Sneer, tho', I am afraid we were a little too fevere on Sir Fretful-tho' he is my friend.

Sneer. Why 'tis certain, that unneceffarily to mortify the vanity of any writer, is a cruelty which mere dulnefs never can deferve; but where a bafe and perfonal malignity ufurps the place of literary emu lation, the aggreffor deferves neither quarter nor pity.

Dangle. That's true egad-tho' he's my friend.'

This dramatic piece is ufhered in by a well-turned Dedica tion to Mrs. Greville, and a well-turned Prologue, by the Honourable Richard Fitzpatrick. We do not quite comprehend, why this drama is entitled The Critic.

C.

ART.