Again: if in the female fex
Alma fhould on this member fix
(A cruel and a defperate cafe,
From which Heaven fhield my lovely lafs!);
For ever more all care is vain,
That would bring Alma down again.
As, in habitual gout or stone,
The only thing that can be done,
Is to correct your drink and diet,
And keep the inward foe in quiet;
So, if for any fins of ours,
Or our forefathers, higher powers,
Severe, though juft, afflict our life
With that prime ill, a talking wife;
Till death fhall bring the kind relief,
We must be patient, or be deaf.
You know a certain lady, Dick,
Who faw me when I laft was fick :
She kindly talk'd, at least three hours,
Of plaftic forms, and mental powers;
Defcrib'd our pre-existing station
Before this vile terrene creation;
And left I fhould be weary'd, madam,
To cut things fhort, came down to Adam;
From whence, as fast as fhe was able,
She drowns the world, and builds up
Through Syria, Perfia, Greece, she goes,
And takes the Romans in the close.
But we'll defcant on general nature:
This is a fyftem, not a fatire.
Turn we this globe, and let us fee How different nations difagree
In what we wear, or eat and drink;
Nay, Dick, perhaps in what we think.
In water as you fmell and tafte
The foils through which it rofe and paft;
In Alma's manners you may read
The place where she was born and bred.
One people from their fwaddling bands
Releas'd their infants' feet and hands:
Here Alma to thefe limbs was brought,
And Sparta's offspring kick'd and fought.
Another taught their babes to talk,
Ere they could yet in go-carts walk:
There Alma fettled in the tongue,
And orators from Athens fprung.
The different ufe of mouths and hands;
Obferve but in these neighbouring lands
As men repos'd their various hopes,
In battles these, and those in tropes.
In Britain's ifles, as Heylin notes,
The ladies trip in petticoats;
Which, for the honour of their nation,
They quit but on fome great occafion.
Men there in breeches clad you view:
They claim that garment as their due.
In Turkey the reverse appears;
Long coats the haughty husband wears,
And greets his wife with angry fpeeches,
If the be seen without her breeches.
In our fantastic climes the fair
With cleanly powder dry their hair:
And round their lovely breast and head
Fresh flowers their mingled odours fhed.
Your nicer Hottentots think meet
With guts and tripe to deck their feet :
With down-caft looks on Totta's legs
The ogling youth moft humbly begs
She would not from his hopes remove
At once his breakfast and his love:
And, if the skittish nymph should fly,
He in a double fenfe muft die.
We fimple toafters take delight
To fee our women's teeth look white,
And every faucy ill-bred fellow
Sneers at a mouth profoundly yellow.
In China none hold women sweet,
Except their fnags are black as jett.
King Chihu put nine queens to death,
Convict on ftatute, Ivory Teeth.
At Tonquin, if a prince fhould die
(As Jefuits write, who never lie),
The wife, and counfellor, and priest,
Who ferv'd him most, and lov'd him best,
Prepare and light his funeral fire,
And cheerful on the pile expire.
In Europe 'twould be hard to find
In each degree one half so kind.
Now turn we to the farthest east,
And there obferve the gentry drest.
Prince Giolo, and his royal fisters,
Scarr'd with ten thousand comely blifters;
The marks remaining on the skin,
To tell the quality within.
Diftinguish'd flashes deck the great:
As each excels in birth or ftate,
His oylet-holes are more and ampler :
The king's own body was a fampler.
Happy the climate, where the beau
Wears the fame fuit for use and show:
And at a small expence your wife,
If once well pink'd, is cloth'd for life.
Weftward again, the Indian fair
Is nicely fmear'd with fat of bear :
Before you fee, you fmell your toaft
And sweeteft fhe who ftinks the moft.
The finest sparks and cleanest beaux
Drip from the shoulders to the toes :
How fleek their fkins! their joints how eafy!
There flovens only are not greasy.
I mention'd different ways of breeding:
Begin we in our children's reading.
To mafter John the English maid
A horn-book gives of gingerbread;
And, that the child may learn the better,
As he can name, he eats the letter.
Proceeding thus with vast delight,
He spells, and gnaws, from left to right.
But, fhew a Hebrew's hopeful fon
Where we fuppofe the book begun,
The child would thank you for your kindness,
And read quite backward from our finis.
Devour he learning ne'er so fast,
Great A would be referv'd the laft.
An equal inftance of this matter
Is in the manners of a daughter.
In Europe, if a harmless maid,
By Nature and by Love betray'd,
Should, ere a wife, become a nurse,
Her friends would look on her the orfe.
In China, Dampier's Travels tell ye
(Look in his Index for Pagelli),
Soon as the British fhips unmoor,
And jolly long-boat rows to fhore,
Down come the nobles of the land:
Each brings his daughter in his hand,
Befeeching the imperious tar
To make her but one hour his care.
The tender mother ftands affrighted,
Left her dear daughter fhould be flighted:
And poor mifs Yaya dreads the fhame
Of going back the maid the came.
Obferve how custom, Dick, compels
The lady that in Europe dwells :
After her tea, she slips away,
And what to do, one need not say.
Now fee how great Pomonque's queen
Behav'd herself amongst the men :
Pleas'd with her punch, the gallant foul
First drank, then water'd in the bowl;
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