130

Dip but your toes into cold water,

Their correfpondent teeth will chatter :
And, ftrike the bottom of your feet,

You fet your head into a heat.

The bully beat, and happy lover,

Confefs that feeling lies all over.

Note here, Lucretius dares to teach
(As all our youth may learn from Creech)
That eyes were made, but could not view,
Nor hands embrace, nor feet pursue :
But heedlefs Nature did produce
The members first, and then the use.
What each must act was yet unknown,
Till all is mov'd by Chance alone.

A man firft builds a country-feat,
Then finds the walls not good to eat.
Another plants, and wondering fees
Nor books nor medals on his trees.
Yet Poet and Philofopher

Was he, who durft fuch whims aver.
Bleft, for his fake, be human reafon,

That came at all, though late in season.

But no man fure e'er left his house,

And faddled Ball, with thoughts fo wild,

To bring a midwife to his fpoufe,

Before he knew fhe was with-child.

And no man ever reapt

his corn,

Or from the oven drew his bread,

Ere hinds and bakers yet were born,

That taught them both to fow and knead.

VOL. XXXIII.

L

135

140

145

150

155

Before

Before they're afk'd, can maids refuse?

Can-Pray, fays Dick, hold in your Mufe.
While you Pindaric truths rehearse,
She hobbles in alternate verse.
Verfe! Mat reply'd; is that my care?

160

Go on, quoth Richard, foft and fair.

165

To try what perfons they would fit.
But every free and licens'd taylor

Would in this thefis find a failure.

Should whims like these his head perplex,

How could he work for either fex?

175

His clothes, as atoms might prevail,
Might fit a pifmire, or a whale.

No, no he views with ftudious pleasure
Your fhape, before he takes your
For real Kate he made the boddice,

measure.

And not for an ideal goddess.

No error near his fhop-board lurk’d:

He knew the folks for whom he work'd;
Still to their fize he aim'd his skill:

Elfe, pr'ythee, who would pay his bill?

Next, Dick, if Chance herself should vary,

Obferve, how matters would miscarry :
Acrofs your eyes, friend, place your shoes;
Your fpectacles upon your toes:

180

185

Then

190

Then you and Memmius fhall agree
How nicely men would walk, or fee.

But Wisdom, peevish and cross-grain'd,
Must be oppos'd, to be sustain❜d;
And still your knowledge will increase,
As you make other people's lefs.
In arms and science 'tis the fame :
Our rival's hurts create our fame.
At Faubert's, if disputes arise
Among the champions for the prize,
Το prove who gave the fairer butt,
John fhews the chalk on Robert's coat.
So, for the honour of your book,

195

200

It tells where other folks mistook :
And, as their notions you confound,

Those you invent get farther ground.

205

The commentators on old Ari

ftotle ('tis urg'd) in judgment vary:

They to their own conceits have brought
The image of his general thought;

Juft as the melancholic eye

Sees fleets and armies in the sky;

And to the poor apprentice ear

The bells found, "Whittington lord mayor."

The conjuror thus explains his fcheme;
Thus fpirits walk, and prophets dream;

North Britons thus have fecond-fight;
And Germans, free from gun-fhot, fight.
Theodoret and Origen,

And fifty other learned men,

L 2

210

215

Atteft,

Atteft, that, if their comments find
The traces of their master's mind,
Alma can ne'er decay nor die :
This flatly t' other fect deny ;

220

Simplicius, Theophraft, Durand,

Great names, but hard in verfe to ftand.

225

They wonder men fhould have mistook

The tenets of their master's book,

And hold, that Alma yields her breath,

O'ercome by age, and feiz'd by death.

Now which were wife? and which were fools?
Poor Alma fits between two stools:

230

The more she reads, the more perplext;

The comment ruining the text:

Now fears, now hopes, her doubtful fate :
But, Richard, let her look to that-
Whilft we our own affairs pursue.
Thefe different fyftems, old or new,
A man with half an eye may fee,
Were only form'd to disagree.

235

Here, Richard, let my fcheme commence :

Oh! may my words be loft in sense !

250

While pleas'd Thalia deigns to write
The flips and bounds of Alma's flight.
My fimple fyftem shall suppose

That Alma enters at the toes;
That then the mounts by juft degrees
Up to the ancles, legs, and knees;
Next, as the fap of life does rife,
She lends her vigour to the thighs;
And, all these under-regions paft,
She neftles fomewhere near the waist
Gives pain or pleasure, grief or laughter,
As we shall fhew at large hereafter.
Mature, if not improv'd by time,
Up to the heart fhe loves to climb;

;

255

260

From thence, compell'd by craft and age,
She makes the head her latest stage.

265

From the feet upward to the headPithy and fhort, fays Dick, proceed.

Dick, this is not an idle notion: Obferve the progress of the motion. First, I demonftratively prove

270

That feet were only made to move;
And legs defire to come and go,

For they have nothing else to do.

Hence, long before the child can crawl,

He learns to kick, and wince, and sprawl:

275

To hinder which, your midwife knows
To bind thofe parts extremely clofe;

Left Alma, newly enter'd in,

And stunn'd at her own christening's din,