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think that Plato was a great philosó- never heeding the crossings, but splashpher, Sir ?"
ing through thick and thin, till I arrived I hardly uttered the words, when I at their door panting and perspiring, wished myself back at Bog-Lodge, or When the footman opened the door, I buried under the earth. Silence in- rushed in, and having recovered a little stantly prevailed, and every eye was breath, said, “I hope I am not too fixed on me, while some one said to Mr. late-oh! I hope I am not !" Sharpeye, who had not heard the “ Is it for dinner, Sir ?" said the man. question, “ Sir, Mr. Skimthings is speak “ No," said I, “ not for dinner-oh, ing to you."
me-but for tea !" “ Eh, what,” said he, “ were you Oh, abundant time for that, Sirspeaking to me, Joe ?"
company are still at dinner.” Scarce knowing whether I was up Greatly relieved by this intelligence, side down or not, I proceeded—“ Yes, I told him that I would go up stairs Sirahem-I was merely asking your and wait in the drawing-room, upon opinion about Plato, Sir.”
which he showed me into a splendid “ About whom?"
suite of apartments, gorgeously fur“ About Plato, Sir—that is to say— nished, and lighted from the ceiling by it is not the least matter, Sir, not the large glass chandeliers, and informing least."
me that dinner would be over immeWhy, what put Plato into your diately, disappeared. Fairly worn head ? Did you ever read Plato ?" out with all the events of the day, I
“ No, Sir, but I was anxious to know threw myself into a chair, opened my your opinion about the opinions—hem waistcoat, and wiped my face. I per--that is, the works of so eminent a ceived that I was much splashed, but man."
that could not be helped now, so I Oh, I don't know, I never read just gave my trowsers à rub with my Plato, nor will you ever, I suppose. pocket handkerchief. I then rose and Come, take a glass of wine with me. took a survey of the apartments ; and, Tell me, does your Aunt Sally read at last, finding the company rather Plato ?"
slow in making their appearance, I lay “ No, Sir, but I have often heard down on a sofa to finish resting myself
, her say that she would if she knew with the intention of shortly rising and Greek."
putting my disordered dress to rights in In the merriment that succeeded, the great mirror over the chimneyPlato and I were soon forgotten, and piece. In this luxurious position, sleep the company returned to their insi- gradually stole over me; but, while pid, stupid conversation, which indeed yielding to its delicious influence, I reseemed more suited to their capacities solved only to close my eyes, and be than the intellectual subjects which I ready for the least intimation of the had opened to them, as if to exemplify approach of the ladies. But the vis, the proverb of throwing pearls to swine. tuous resolution was of no avail
. I By the time the cloth was removed, slept, and dreamed an ugly dream. I found it was very near the time for Methought I was in the hall of the going to Mr. Clinkúm's evening party. College, and had been condemned by the Afraid, however, of stirring from my Provost to be flogged for ignorance of chair before so much company, and logic. The scene was awful, and my feelequally afraid of being guilty of the ings indescribable. The whole Univerindecorum of going to a party later sity were assembled to witness the exethan the time specified, I sat in an cution of the sentence ; and, elevated on agony till the ladies rose to leave the a table, stood the head porter, on parlour, when I contrived to sneak out whose shoulders I was horsed, with my behind them unobserved, and having trowsers about my heels, while the Cenfound my hat and cloak, sallied forth sor, attended by the fellows and schofor Stephen's-green a full quarter of an lars, was brandishing an enormons hour later than my time.Anxious to birch rod, and pronouncing a Latini retrieve my character in the eyes of oration, which began—*Quousque tanMr. and Mrs. Clinkum, ayd yet hardly dem abutere patientia nostra ?" "Every hoping to be forgiven by thein for such face was mocking me, and the blows disrespect to their invitation, I galloped were about to descend, while I kicked at a furious rate through the streets, and bellowed, when lo! Aunts Sally and
Jenny, followed by the Inishogh Ladies' desperate wretch-hold him fast genReading Society, thronged into the hall. tlemen-tell me who and what you are, At sight of them, my agony increased and with what purpose you came into to such a pitch, that, making a vigorous this house." effort to disengage myself, I knocked “Sir,” said I, “are you Mr. Clinkum?" down the porter, and seized Aunt “I am Mr. Clinkum," said the SerSally round the waist, roaring with geant. terror. The hubbub now became tre Why then, Sir, ’pon my honour, I mendous. Loud cries of murder! and was only coming to tea, and let go ! arose on all sides. The Cen “ To tea!” they all exclaimed,—"ay, sor's birch descended heavily upon a pretty sort of tea you'd have given me-Aunt Sally screamed and strug- us!!" gled, while the fellows tugged away to “ This is liberty and equality with a disengage her ; but the more they tug- vengeance !!” said one, "when a dirty ged, the louder I roared, and the firmer vagabond out of the streets, walks into I clasped her. Suddenly the scene take tea with us !" changed into Mrs. Clinkum's drawing “ How did he get in at all ?" said room, with the ladies come up from Mr. Clinkum. dinner, and gentlemen pouring into the “ I let him in, Sir,” said a footman ; rin, armed with pokers and tongs. he said his name was Skimthings, and - Seize the horrid ruffian !” they ex that he came to tea.” claimed The abominable villain !" "Skimthings,” exclaimed the Ser“Let go that lady, you rascal, or I'll geant, “ is it possible you are Mr. knock your brains out !!!" Police! Skimthings !" police! send for the police! Don't let “I am Mr. Skimthings—" said I, bim escape! Ha, you ruffian! Take “and I desire that you will let me leave him down stairs ! Hold the scoundrel your rascally house forthwith. I never fast!"
got such a bruising in all my life, as By this time an elegant young lady you and your drunken set havegiven me.” was torn from my arms. How the " Oh! my goodness," said Mr. Clindeuce she got there I was not in a con- kum, lifting up his hands and eyes ; dition to surmise ; as footmen and gen- “to think that I should see my old tlemen were knocking and dragging me friend's son, in such a disgraceful condown stairs, where they hauled me into dition! He's as drunk as a piper, the study, and seemed preparing to You may let him go, gentlemen,-I tear me in pieces. In vain | holloe'd know who he is. Look at his clothes : out, —- Gentlemen,-Mr. Clinkum,– he has evidently been tumbling in the it's all a mistake--what are you holding gutter.” me for " They paid no attention to “I am not drunk," said I, “but as my cries. “ Disarm him!” cried one, sober as any one here, and perhaps a "no doubt such a ruffian is well armed!" deal soberer too." * Ay! Ay!” cried another, “ these are “Well,” said the Sergeant, “but if the blessed fruits of the Reform Bill! you were so sober as you say, what on ruffians breaking into our houses, and earth did you assault that young lady murdering us all!!!” “Yes," roared for? Charles, go and tell your mother another, “and to think of him singling I want her here. Come, Sir, what's out Miss Lambkin, the most amiable your story ?" creature in the world, for the first vic Upon my word, Sir," said I, “the tim to political malignity!” “ By the only story I have to tell is that I came by," exclaimed a fourth, we ought to to tea, as I said before, and found you search the house! Depend upon it were at dinner, and being tired of waitthe rooms are full of this villain's ac- ing in the drawing roon, I fell asleep ; complices !"
and I suppose it was in my
dream, for " That's true," said another, “but I had a very queer dream, that I seized first-here Denis, bring all the fire- the young lady. And that's all I know arms in the house, and see that they about it.” are loaded, I should not be surprised “ Well, we'll, examine a witness," said at any thing happening after this, the Sergeant ; "and here she comes. and George, just run up and stay Mrs. Clinkum," said he, as that lady with the ladies, and tell them there's entered pale with affright, “ let me have not the least fear, And now you the felicity of introducing to you Mr.
Skimthings, junior, who pleads sleep up roaring and shouting, and seized and a dream in arrest of judgment. Miss Lambkin in my arms; whereupon Now, tell us how you found him, and the screams of the ladies brought the all that happened up stairs before we gentlemen to their assistance. came up.
Upon my word,” said Mr. Clinkum, The lady having recovered from her “ I believe this is the whole truth of the astonishment, corroborated my state- matter after all. But tell us your dream, ment. She said that the footman had Joey,--I must have your dream.". never told her of my arrival ; so that I related it accordingly; and, amid on entering the drawing room with the roars of laughter, Mr. Clinkum shook other ladies, they were greatly surprised me heartily by the hand, and insisted to see a person of my appearance, on my joining the gentlemen in the stretched at length on a sofa, and evi- parlour in a bumper of claret to the dently labouring under the influence of health of Miss Lambkin, after which I a distressing dream. That just as she was to make my apology to her in was about to call the footman, I bounced person.
ODE TO MARCH.
March, March, crocus and violet,
Bloom in the meadows, to welcome thy coming ;
Daisy and lily,
At sight of your pansy,
Whitehaven and Swansea,
March, March, Mars was your god-father,
Therefore betimes you can bully and bluster,
The frantic Bellona,
And gentle Pomona,
So partly you riot,
And partly stay quiet,
March, March, Oh! run on to mid-summer,
There's Intellect's March has arrived at its Autumn, With a grey-headed fifer and broon-headed drummer, 'Twill soon break the ice, and we trust-reach the bottom.
But caps up for royalty,
All love and loyalty,
And so in this glad age,
We'll end with the adige,
THE CANADAS AND EMIGRATION.*
When under divine protection and The importance of each of these guidance, the arms of Britain had three anchors of our state, has been crushed the infidel array of France, and long acknowledged—at least the parahad enforced on the First Consul the mount importance of our shipping and necessity of lowering the tricolor be our commerce had been very long felt, fore the meteor flag of England, he, but in those days of revolution and in the height of anger and dismay, ex- reform the enlightened leaders of the claimed, “ Give me ships, colonies, and country have found out, that a total commerce!" He felt that these were system of free trade would improve the pillars of the temple of our glory; our commerce, that the employment and that unless he bowed himself of foreign bottoms would increase our with all his might" he could not shake own shipping, and that to relieve the structure they upheld. In further. starvation and misery by peopling our ance therefore of this purpose, he put nies from our redundant populain motion all those engines of his power tion, would be “ useless, extravagant, with which he was so wonderfully and impolitic.” What Buonaparte and gifted. In pursuit of his angry ven his millions could not do, the Whigs geance, he left no force untried which and Radicals of our time are at this could in any way tend to the hurt of moment effecting. Well may one of our prosperity. We find his policy or our authors (the Backswoodman) call his arms in America—in the east or political economy
the science of pawest-on continent, or island ; his radoxes.” “ I am no great dab at poAleets were steered for the destruction litical economy, though I did once of our foreign commerce, as his legions study Adam Smith, and thought at the were assembled for the annihilation of time that I understood him, but he is our domestic trade ; we read of the out of date now a days ; Peter M'Culvain restrictions with which he strove logh reigns in his stead, and he and to shackle our intercourse with the his compeers have turned political world ; and we live to show to the economy into what may be defined the wondering universe, that neither the science of paradoxes. However it is thunder of his ships, nor the deafening unfair to condemn what we cannot untramp of his millions, nor the brattle derstand." We do not agrce with the of their arms, could blanch one cheek, generosity here laid down ; we conor enforce a capitulating sentence from demn Peter, not for his “system,” as us ; and yet not through our own might, Doctor O'Toole would call it, but but because the “ Lord cared for his because he has Jesuitically brought people." The same mighty hand, forward premises in his works, from which in one night turned the vaunting which he has deduced no conclusion, host of the Assyrian to dead corpses, but whose legitimate logical inference was stretched out for the rebuking of would go to deny the authority of a this infidel monarch ; and it was when divine Being. We doubt much if the bitter fruitlessness of his toils was Peter knew exactly what he was aimmade known even to himself, that in ing at ; it seems as if to establish some the spirit of the peevish Esau, he ex- favourite theory he had brought forclaimed, “ Give me also ships, colonies, ward proofs, not startling in themselves, and commerce !"
but in their consequences fairly deis
• 1. Statistical Sketches of Upper Canada, for the use of Emigrants, by a Backwoodsman, London, Murray, 1832, pp. 120.
2. Hints on Emigration to Upper Canada, especially addressed to the lower classes of Great Britain and Ireland. By Martin Doyle. Dublin : William Curry Jun, and Co., 1832, 12mo. pp. 108.
3. The Emigrant's Guide to Upper and Lower Canada. By Francis Evans, Esq., Dublin : William Curry, Jun, and Co., 12mo. 1833.
tical, not to say atheistical. Pride pre- drive a man, blessed with the warm vented his retracing his steps, or, feelings of an Irishman, to give up his perhaps, he saw his error too late to fathers' land, to leave his kindred, and fetrieve it. One of the features of this his people, the grave of his ancestors, age is the demand made by the public and the birth-place of his child; and for some certain knowledge concerning accordingly, if we search beyond the our colonies, and amply has that de common motives of change, we shall mand been answered. Foremost on the find, that though want and misery can list stand M Gregor, Bourchette, and drive many to this step, and fear or a M‘Taggart, to whose valuable works hope of safety break the ties which we refer those who wish for a history of bound them to this land, yet amongst the Canadas, from the time of the fel- the better class of emigrants, we find ling of the first tree. Amidst a host that feelings of independence buoy of others comes Picken, which for a them up-sustain their strength and compendious statistical survey of the spirit under the difficulties through Canadas is unrivalled. Again, Mr. which they have to pass ; so that, as Ferguson comes before the public em- the colonist lies upon the earth, pilbodying the papers published in the lowed on some rude log, he sees the Agricultural Journal, in a neat and time fast approaching when the deportable form.
Our old and Irish sart shall blossom as a rose”—when friend, Martin Doyle, turns out a new from a state of almost slavery and the edition of his popular and deservedly most abject poverty, he shall rise to favourite book ; long life to Martin, health, to plenty, and to independence. he has done more for the Irish poor by If we examine the motives which his “ Hints,” than all the nobles of the actuated the kingdoms of old, and comland could achieve even with the pare them with those applied by our machinery of “ agricultural societies" modern theorists, we shall be con“ farming societies," and so forth. Last strained to admit, that the former ennot least, let us introduce the new tertained a much wider view of this edition of the Backwoodsman-(we subject, than is now thought of. At really forget whether it is the 18th or the present time colonies are looked 20th)—to the public, a queer combi- upon principally in their relation to the nation of original humour, fun, and trade and revenue of the parent state. knowledge. Not only these, but also In the states of old, they were not every work treating of our colonies is only considered beneficial in these rein great request, and no wonder ; the spects, but as eminently useful in resubject of colonization, and all the cir- lieving the mother country of her cumstances attending it, is from the situ- superabundant population ; not merely ation of the country becoming of more those who by the over stocking of their and more paramount importance and in- trades were an incubus on the advancecreased interest to all classes of the com- ment of the more prosperous of the munity. We have a redundant popula- community, but those also, who by tion—a stagnation ofthe life-blood of our their agitating talents (to use a modern prosperity-of our commerce ; famine phrase) might disturb the tranquillity and its awful attendant, pestilence, seem
of the state.
We inay hereafter be to have assumed a periodical sway over led to speak more at large on the our land ; and though they slay their colonies of olden times ;-we at present thousands and tens of thousands, we shall only observe, that the policy have still over-peopled districts ; in- which guided the settlement of the dividuals and families struggling vainly Roman colonies, has also appeared in as without hope, and when that last all those, which are remarkable in any hope leaves them, sinking into their manner for their greatness or rising imgraves with the apathy of a Hindoo portance. It was not merely the reducSuttee. When these things are so, can tion, vi et armis, of an enemy, but the enwe wonder that the public should call grafting on the conquered the manon us to satisfy the enquiries suggested ners, laws, customs, and language of to every thinking mind, and which, in the victors, carried and used in the the heart of every man, endowed with newly acquired territory by the hordes philantropic feelings, must call loudly which that great nation poured forth ; for an answer.
We know that it can we can trace this same policy fulminatbe no trifling circumstance which can ing statutes against the Irish dress and