OR, WHAT YOU WILL. PERSONS REPRESENTED. ORSINO, Duke of Illyria. SEBASTIAN, a young gentleman, brother to Viola. CURIO, Gentlemen attending on the Duke. Sir TOBY BELCH, uncle to Olivia. FABIAN, fervant to Olivia. MALVOLIO, a fantastical fleward to Olivia. OLIVIA, a lady of great beauty and fortune, belov'd Sir ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK, a foolish knight, pre- V1OLA, in love with the Duke. tending to Olivia. A Sea-Captain, friend to Viola. MARIA, OLIVIA's woman. Prief, Sailors, Officers, and other Attendants. ACT I. SCENE I. The Duke's Palace. That inftant was I turn'd into a hart; And my defires, like fell and cruel hounds, Enter Valentine. Val. So please my lord, I might not be admitted, Duke. O, the, that hath a heart of that fine frame, 3 i. e. fantastical to the height. X 2 SCEN SCENE II. The Street. Enter Viola, a Captain, and Sailors. Vio. What country, friends, is this?. Cap. This is Illyria, lady. Vio. And what fhould I do in Illyria? My brother he is in Elyfium. Perchance, he is not drown'd:-What think you, failors? Cap. It is per chance that you yourself were fav'd. Vio. O my poor brother! and fo, perchance, may he bc. Cap. True, madam: and, to comfort you with chance, Affure yourself, after our ship did split, Vio. For faying fo, there's gold: Cap. A noble duke in nature, as in name. Cap. Orfino. Vio. Orfino! I have heard my father name him: He was a batchelor then. Cap. And fo is now, or was fo very late: For but a month ago I went from hence; And then 'twas fresh in murmur, (as, you know, What great ones do, the lets will prattle of) That he did feek the love of fair Olivia. Vio. What's he? Cap. A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count Fio. O, that I ferv'd that lady; And might not be deliver'd to the world, Cap. That were hard to compafs; Vio. There is a fair behaviour in thee, captain; I pray thee, and I'll pay thee bounteously, Cap. Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be: When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not fee! Vio. I thank thee: Lead me on. [Exeunt. Mar. By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o' nights; your coufin, my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill hours. Sir To. Why, let her except, before excepted. Mar. Ay, but you muft confine yourfelf within the modeft limits of order. Sir To. Confine? I'll confine myself no finer than I am: thefe clothes are good enough to drink in, and fo be thefe boots too, an they be not, let them hang themfelves in their own ftraps. Mar. That quaffing and drinking will undo you; I heard my lady talk of it ycfterday; and of a foolish knight, that you brought in one night here to be her wooer. Sir To. Who? Sir Andrew Ague-cheek? Sir To. He's as tali 3 a man as any's in Illyria. Sir To. Why, he has three thousand ducats a year, Mar. Ay, but he'll have but a year in all thefe ducats; he's a very fool, and a prodigal. Sir To. Fie, that you'll fay fo! he plays o' th' viol-de-gam be, and fpeaks three or four languages word for word without book, and hath all the good gifts of nature. Mar. He hath, indeed, almoft natural: for, befdes that he's a fool, he's a great quarreller; and, but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay the guft he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the prudent, he would quickly have the gift of a grave. Sir To. By this hand, they are fcoundrels, and fubtractors, that fay fo of him. Who are they? Mar. They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company. Sir To. With drinking healths to my niece; I'll drink to her, as long as there's a paffage in my throat, and drink in Iliyria. He's a coward, and a coyfril 4, that will not drink to my niece, till his 2 i. e. af prove. 3 Tall means out, courageous. 4. Mr. That is, made public to the world. Steevens explains conftril to mean a coward cock, or a bastard hawk; while Mr. Toilet fays, it im plies a paltry groom, one only fit to carry armis, but not to use them, brains turn o'the toe like a parish-top 1. What, wench? Caftili uno volgo 2; for here comes Sir Andrew Ague-face. Fater Sir Andrea. man has: but I am a great eater of beef, and, I Sir And. An I thought that, I'd forfwear it. I'll Sir And. Sir Toby Belch! now now, Sir Toby ride home to-morrow, fir Toby. Belch? Sir To. Sweet fir Andrew! Sir And. Bless you, fair threw. Mar. And you too, fir. Sir To. Accoft, fir Andrew, accoft. Sir And. What's that? Sir To. My niece's chamber-maid. Sir And. Good mistress Accoft, I defire better acquaintance. Mar. My name is Mary, fir. Sir And. Good Mrs. Mary Accost, Sir To. Pourquoy, my dear knight ? Sir And. What is pourquoy? do, or not do? I would I had bestowed that time in the tongues, that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting: O, had I but follow'd the arts ! Sir To. Then hadft thou had an excellent head of hair. Sir And. Why, would that have mended my hair? Sir To. Paft queftion; for thou feeft, it will not curl by nature. Sir And. But it becomes me well enough, does't Sir To. You mistake, knight: accoft, is, front not? her, board her, woo her, affail her. Sir And. By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is that the meaning of accoft? Mar. Fare you well, gentlemen. Sir To. Excellent! it hangs like flax on a diftaff; and I hope to fee a housewife take thee between her legs, and fpin it off. Sir And. 'Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir To Sir To. An thou let part fo, fir Andrew, would by your niece will not be feen; or, if the be, thou might'ft never draw fword again. it's four to one fhe'll none of me; the count himfelf, here hard by, wooes her. Sir And. An you part fo, miftrefs, I would I might never draw fword again! Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand? Mar. Sir, I have not you by the hand. Sir And. Marry, but you fhall have; and here's my hand. Mar. Now, fir, thought is free: I pray you, bring your hand to the buttery-bar, and let it drink. Sir And. Wherefore, fweet-heart? what's your metaphor ? Mar. It's dry, fir 3. Sir And. Why, I think fo; I am not fuch an afs, but I can keep my hand dry. But what's your jeft? Mar. A dry jeft, fir. Sir And. Are you full of them? Mar. Ay, fir; I have them at my fingers' ends: marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren. [Exit Maria. Sir To. O knight, thou lack'ft a cup of canary; When did I fee thee fo put down? Sir To. She'll none o' the count; fhe'll not match above her degree, neither in eftate, years, nor wit; I have heard her fwear it. Tut, there's life in't, man. Sir And. I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o'the ftrangeft mind i' the world; I delight in mafques and revels fometimes altogether. Sir To. Art thou good at thefe kick-fhaws, knight? Sir And. As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of my batters; and yet I will not compare with an old man. Sir To. What, is thy excellence in a galliard, knight? Sir And. 'Faith, I can cut a caper. Sir To. And I can cut the mutton to’t. Sir And. And, I think, I have the back-trick, fimply as ftrong as any man in Illyria. Sir To. Wherefore are thefe things hid? wherefore have thefe gifts a curtain before them? Are they like to take duft, like miftrefs Mall's picSiv And. Never in your life, I think; unless ture+? why dost thou not go to church in a galyou fee canary put me down: Methink, fometimes liard, and come home in a ceranto? My very walk I have no more wit than a chriftian, or an ordinary should be a jig; I would not fo much as make 1 It was anciently the cuftom to keep a large top in every village, to be whipped in froty weather, as well to warm the pea fants by exercife, as to keep them out of mifchief, while they could not work. 2 Dr. Warburton thinks, we fhould read velto; the meaning will then be in English, Put on your Caftilian countenance; that is, your grave folemn looks. Mr. Malone obferves, that Caftilian feems to have been a cant term for a finical affected countier. 3 That is, not a lover's hand; a moift hand being vulgarly deemed a fign of an amorous conftitution. 4 Shakipeare is here fuppofed to allude to one Mary Frith, more generally known by the appellation of Mall Cut-purfe, and of whom Mr. Grainger gives the following account in his Biographical History of England. "She was commonly fuppofed to have been an hermaphrodite, and practifed, or was initrumental to almost every crime and wild frolic which is notorious in the moft abandoned and eccentric of both fexes. She was infamous as a proftitute and a procurcis, a fortune-teller, a pickpocket, a thief, and a receiver of flolen goods. Her mott fignal exploit was robbing General Fairfax upon Hounslow Heath, for which the was fent to Newgate, but was, by the proper application of a large fum of money, foon fet at liberty. She died of the droply, in the 75th year of her age, but would probably have died fooner, if the had not fmoked tobacco, in the frequent use of which The had long indulged herself.” water, but in a fink-a-pace1. What dost thou And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord mean? is it a world to hide virtues in? I did To call his fortunes thine. think, by the excellent conftitution of thy leg, it| was form'd under the ftar of a galliard. Vio. I'll do my best, [ftrife 4 To woo your lady: [Exit Dake.] yet, a barrful Sir And. Ay, 'tis ftrong, and it does indifferent Who-e'er I woo, myself would be his wife. [Exeunt. well in a flame-colour'd stock 2. about fome revels? Shall we fet Sir To. What fhall we do elfe? were we not born under Taurus ? Sir And. Taurus? that's fides and heart 3. Sir To. No, fir; it is legs and thighs. Let me fec thee caper: ha! higher; ha, ha -excellent! [Excunt. SCE NE IV. The Palace. ; Enter Valentine and Viola in man's attire. Val. If the duke continue thefe favours towards you, Cefario, you are like to be much advanc'd he hath known you but three days, and already you are no ftranger. Vio. You either fear his humour, or my negli gence, that you call in queftion the continuance of his love: Is he inconftant, fir, in his favours? Val. No, believe me. Enter Duke, Curio, and Attendants. Vio. I thank you. Here comes the count. Duke. Who faw Cefario, ho? Mar. Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will not open my lips fo wide as a brittle may enter in way of thy excufe: my lady will hang thee for thy abfence. Clo. Let her hang me: he, that is well hang'd in this world, needs fear no colours. Mar. Make that good. Clo. He fhall fee none to fear. Mar. A good lenten 5 anfwer: I can tell thee where that faying was born, of, I fear no colours. Clo. Where, good mistress Mary? Mar. In the wars; and that may you be bold to fay in your foolery. Glo. Well, God give them wisdom, that have it; and thofe that are fools, let them ufe their talents. Mar. Yet you will be hang'd, for being fo long abfent, or be turn'd away: Is not that as good as a hanging to you? Clo. Marry, a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and, for turning away, let fummer bear it out. Mar. You are refolute then? Clo. Not fo neither; but I am refolv'd on two Vio. On your attendance, my lord; here. Vio. Sure, my noble lord, If the be to abanden'd to her forrow As it is fpoke, fhe never will admit me. [then Duke. Dear lad, believe it; For they shall yet helye thy happy years, Mar. That, if one break, the other will hold; or, if both break, your gafkins fall. Glo. Apt, in good faith; very apt! Well, go thy way; if Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria. Mar. Peace, you rogue, no more of that; here comes my lady: make your excufe wifely, you were beft. [Exit. Enter Olivia and Malvolio. Clo. Wit, and 't be thy will, put me into good fooling! Thofe wits, that think they have thee, do very oft prove fools;, and I, that am fure I lack thee, may pafs for a wife man: For what fays Quinapalus? Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.God biefs thee, lady! Ol. Take the fool away. Clo. Do you not hear, fellows? take away the Is not more smooth, and rubious; thy fmall pipe lady. I know, thy conftellation is right apt For this affair :-Some four, or five, attend him; When leaft in company :-Proper well in this, * Oli. Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of you: befides, you grow dishonest. Clo. Two faults, Madonna 6, that drink and good counfel will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry; bid the dishoneft man mend himfelf; if he mend, he is no longer dif That is. a cinque-face; the name of a dance, the meafures whereof are regulated by the number five. 2 Stockings were in Shaktpeare's time called flocks. 3 This alludes to the medical aftro logy, which refers the affections of particular parts of the body, to the predominance of particular conftellations. 4 i. e. a conteft full of impediments. 5 Meaning, a fhort and Jpare one; alluding to the commons in Lent. 6 The cant word for mifires, dame. honeft; Mar. I know not, madam; 'tis a fair young man, and well attended. Oli. Who of my people hold him in delay? honeft; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him :| Any thing that's mended, is but patched: virtue, that tranfgreffes, is but patch'd with fin; and fin, that amends, is but patch'd with virtue: If that this fimple fyllogifm will ferve, fo; if it will not, What remedy? As there is no true cuckold but ca-thing but madman; Fie on him! Go you, Mallamity, fo beauty's a flower :-the lady bade take away the fool; therefore, I fay again, take her away. Oli. Sir, I bade them take away you. Ch. Mifprifion in the highest degree-Lady, Clo. Dexterously, good Madonna. Clo. I muft catechize you for it, Madonna; Oli. Well, fir, for want of other idlenefs, I'll bide your proof. Clo. Good Madonna, why mourn'st thou? Oli. Good fool, for my brother's death. Clo. I think his foul is in hell, Madonna. Oli. I know his foul is in heaven, fool. Clo. The more fool you, Madonna, to mourn for your brother's foul being in heaven.-Take away the fool, gentlemen. volio: if it be a fuit from the count, I am fick, or not at home; what you will, to difmifs it. [Exit Malvolio.] Now you fee, fir, how your fooling grows old, and people diflike it. Clo. Thou haft fpoke for us, Madonna, as if thy eldest son should be a fool; whose scull Jove cram with brains, for here comes one of thy kin has a most weak pia mater! Enter Sir Toby. Oli. By mine honour, half drunk.-What is he at the gate, coufin? O. What think you of this fool, Malvolio? not: give me faith, fay I. Well, it's all one. [Exit. doth he not mend? Mal. Yes; and fhall do, till the pangs of death shake him: Infirmity, that decays the wife, doth ever make the better fool. Ch. God fend you, fir, a fpeedy infirmity, for the better encreafing your folly! Sir Toby will be fworn, that I am no fox; but he will not pafs his word for two pence that you are no fool. Oli. How fay you to that, Malvolio? Oli. What's a drunken man like, fool? one draught above heat makes him a fool; the fe- Oli. Go thou and feek the coroner, and let him fit o' my coz; for he's in the third degree of drink, he's drown'd: go, look after him. Clo. He is but mad yet, Madonna; and the fool fhall look to the madman. [Exit Clown. Mal. I marvel your ladyship takes delight in Re-enter Malvolio. fuch a barren rafcal; I faw him put down the Mal. Madam, yond young fellow fwears he will other day with an ordinary fool, that has no more speak with you. I told him you were fick; he brain than a stone: Look you now, he's out of his takes on him to understand fo much, and thereguard already; unless you laugh and minifter oc-fore comes to fpeak with you: I told him you cafion to him, he is gagg'd. I proteft, I take were afleep; he seems to have a fore-knowledge these wife men, that crow fo at these set kind of of that too, and therefore comes to speak with you. fools, no better than the fools' zanies. What is to be faid to him, lady? he's fortified against any denial. Oli. O, you are fick of felf-love, Malvolio, and tafte with a diftemper'd appetite: to be generous, guiltless, and of free difpofition, is to take thofe things for bird-bolts, that you deem cannon-bullets: There is no flander in an allow'd fool, though he do nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known difcreet man, though he do nothing but reprove. Clo. Now Mercury indue thee with leafing, for thou fpeak'it well of fools! Enter Maria. Mar. Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman much defires to fpeak with you. Ol. From the count Orfino, is it? That is, ly ng. Oli. Tell him, he fhall not fpeak with me. Mal. He has been told fo; and he fays, he'll ftand at your door like a sheriff's poit 2, and be the fupporter to a bench, but he'll speak with you. Oli. What kind of man is he? Mal. Why, of man kind. Oli. What manner of man? Mal. Of very ill manner; he'll speak with you, will you, or no. Oli. Of what perfonage, and years, is he? Mal. Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for a boy as a fquafh is before 'tis a peafcod, or a codling when 'tis almoft an apple : 2 It was the custom of that officer to have large posts set up at his door, as an indication of his office; the original of which was, that the king's proclamations, and other public acts, might be affixed thereon by way of publication. |