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Secondly, since the Euxine, Baltick, and Caspian seas are such considerable parts of this globous body, they must move equally with it, if it move at all; and then why have they not the same flux and reflux as other seas have, since they have the same aptitude, or natural intrinsick capacity, to receive this motion, as other seas have? But that they have not flux or reflux at all is demonstratively true. But whether this opinion be so or no, I refer to the scrutiny of the judicious reader: indeed, I could wish that those, who defend the motion of the earth, would produce more vigorous arguments to fortify and secure their thesis, merely to subvert the Pope's infallibility; one of whom, not many years since, by a signal determination and definition, ex cathedra, blasted it for impious and heretical, and condemned the obstinate assertors of it, to his truest purgatory, the inquisition.

The Eighth Opinion is,

That the sun is the sole, primary, and efficient cause of this flux and reflux. That the sun is a partial, concurrent, or concomitant cause, I affirm; but that it is the sole and principal, I deny, and that upon these foundations: for, if it should be, the tides, in the vast wilderness of the northern seas, would upon the apogaum, or recess of the sun, shrink and contract themselves, for want of his vigorous excitation to a considerable decrease; and again, upon his perigæum, or nearest approach, swell to an important magnitude, both which are evidently false; for it is generally observed, that about the autumnal equinox, and sometimes after, the tides, in those seas abovesaid, are improved and increased to an extraordinary height; and on the contrary, about the summer solstice, they suffer a sensible and visible diminution and decrease, rather than any augmentation; both which were absurd to imagine, if the sun was the sole efficient cause.

Secondly, why should not the Caspian, Euxine, and Baltick seas be capable of this motion, since they are also exposed to the impressions of the sun, either perpendicular, or by vibration, when he is in, or near his perigaum; but this they have not, is evident; and therefore, the sun is not the prime, sole, and efficient cause of the flux and reflux of the sea.

The Ninth Opinion is,

That the moon is the principal cause of this marine motion. That it is a subservient, concurrent, and concomitant cause, I shall grant, but that it is the sole efficient, I shall never affirm; for if it were, it would universally and equally move all seas, especially when they are under its perigæum, and then the Baltick, Euxine, and Caspian seas would be capable of this flux and reflux likewise, but that they are not is apparently evident. I know, it is objected, that the moon hath a principal efficiency in the flowings of the sea, because it is observed, that when she is in her sextile, and in her full, shell-fish do swell and increase to an unusual bulk and corpulency: but to this I answer, that this is produced not by any direct causality of the moon, but only by accident; for those great tides, which intervene at those times, transport with them a large quantity of mud and sullage, which treasure up a fat slimy unctuous juice,

which shell fish greedily sucking in, by the supply of so luscious an aliment, enlarge themselves to that dimension they arrive at, at those sea

sons.

The Tenth Opinion,

Which I adhere to is, that there is a vitriolated, volatile, or armoniack salt or spirit, that is wrapped up in the bowels of the sea, and lies there clasped up and imprisoned in the embraces of the fixed and nitrous salt, which, upon its excitation, by the agitation of the superficies of the sea, and the opening of it, by, the combined and complicated impressions of the sun and moon, dislodges from its inclosure, and shoots itself up to the watery margin, and drags along with it that heap of waters we stile the flux (though I do not deny, but that it is something aided and assisted in this operation by an elater or spring of air, that being rescued from its compression and confinement, ascends up with it), and upon closing and contracting its face upon the recess of those two great luminaries, shrinks back again, and with it pulls along that mass of waters, it before had elevated, and this produces the reflux. And this opinion is supported by three experiments: the first is, that of Zuingerus, a modern chymist, cited by Fromondus, in his book of meteors, who observed that some sort of chymical oil of vitriol did ascend and descend in times proportionate and adequate to the flux and reflux of the sea. The second is, that of Athanasius Kircherus, in his Mundus Subterraneus, who there discovers to us, that an infusion of sal armoniack, lodged in an open vessel, and placed obliquely to receive the influence of the moon, when she was in her sextile, did increase and decrease, as if it held an equal correspondence, by an uninterrupted chain of atoms, with the flowings and ebbings of the marine waters. The third is that of Greatrick's glasses, upon whose sides if you beat with important onsets, they resist their impression, but break it at the top, and it flies in pieces with much violence and tumult; and the reason is, because the armoniack or volatile salt, that lay imprisoned, and cloistered up, in the claspings and circumscription of the nitrous or fixed salt, finding itself infranchised and redeemed from the strict inclosures of those two rigid adversaries, sallies out, with an impetuous eagerness, and that eruption occasions that disorder and concussion.

But I know it will be objected, why have not the Euxine, Baltick, and Caspian seas their flux and reflux likewise, since it is probable their waters imprisoned as great a stock of vitriolated, volatile, or armoniack salt, as other seas are intrusted with, that have the vicissitudes? To this I answer, that it is as probable they have not; but suppose they had, yet its volatile spirit is checked and depressed by that multitude of vast and deep rivers, that perpetually disgorge themselves into those seas abovesaid; and it is likewise possible, that there is a considerable quantity of sulphur, bitumen, fixed and nitrous salt, conducted along with their currents, whose fixing quality may improve the depression of the vi triolated and armoniack particles, and so benumb their volatility, that it is almost impossible for the united influences of the sun and moon, to excite their so stupified vigour. But if it be enquired how it happens, since so many capacious streams disembogue themselves into those seas,

that the neighbouring territories do not suffer under a constant inundation? I answer, that the water that is treasured up in the cells and caverns of the earth, which, it is probable, here are more than ordinary copious, intice and allure back the marine waters, per motum nexus, by a motion of adherence, aggregation, union, and connexion, and so by a continual circulation, reimburse and new-stock the rivers, with additional streams which are daily paid, in so profuse a tribute, to the vast exchequer of their watery sovereign.

And thus have I, as compendiously as might be, wound up this essay; yet I am not so confident to believe, but that posterity may by new discoveries and scrutinies, for arts are not yet in their solstice, nor know. ledge in its zenith, improve it to greater advantage of the publick, than could be expected from this faint result of my pen; in the interim I shall desire the reader, to acquiesce in that amicable and ingenuous determination of the poet,- -Si quid novisti rectius istis, candidus im perti: Si non, his utere mecum.

THE CHARACTER OF A COFFEE-HOUSE,

WITH THE SYMPTOMS OF A TOWN WIT.

With allowance, April 11th, 1673.

London: Printed for Jonathan Edwin, at the Three Roses in Ludgate-Street, 1673. Folio, containing eight pages,

A

COFFEE-HOUSE is a lay-conventicle, good-fellowship turned puritan, ill-husbandry in masquerade, whither people come, after toping all day, to purchase, at the expence of their last penny, the repute of sober companions; a Rota room, that, like Noah's ark, receives animals of every sort, from the precise diminutive band, to the hectoring cravat and cuffs in folio; a nursery for training up the smaller fry of virtuosi in confident tattling, or a cabal of kittling criticks that have only learned to spit and mew; a mint of intelligence, that, to make each man his pennyworth, draws out into petty parcels, what the merchant receives in bullion: he, that comes often, saves two-pence a week in Gazettes, and has his news and his coffee for the same charge, as at a threepenny ordinary they give in broth to your chop of mutton; it is an exchange, where haberdashers of political small-wares meet, and mutually abuse each other, and the publick, with bottomless stories, and headless notions; the rendezvous of idle pamphlets, and persons more idly employed to read them; a high court of justice, where every little fellow in a camlet cloke takes upon him to transpose affairs both in church and state, to shew reasons against acts of parliament, and condemn the decrees of general councils: it is impossible to describe it bet

ter than the most ingenious of the Latin poets has done it to our hand, and that so excellently, we cannot but transcribe it :

Unde quod est usquam quamvis regionibus absit
Inspicitur, penetratque cavas vox omnis ad aures;
Nocte dieque patet, tota est ex ære sonanti,
Tota fremit, vocesque refert, iteratque quod audit.
Nulla quies intus, nullâque silentia parte,
Nec tamen est clamor, sed parvæ murmura vocis:
Qualia de pelagi (si quis procul audiat) undâ
Esse solent, qualemve sonum cum Jupiter atras
Increpuit nubes, extrema tonitrua reddunt;
Atria turba tenet, veniunt leve vulgus, euntque,
Mistaque cum veris passim commenta vagantur,
Millia rumorum, confusaque verba volutant;
E quibus hi vacuas implent sermonibus aures,
Hi narrata ferunt aliò, mensuraque ficti
Crescit, et auditis aliquid novus adjicit author.
Illic credulitas, illic temerarius error
Vanaque lætitia est, consternatique timores
Seditioque recens, dubioque authore susurri.
Ipsa quid in cœlo rerum, pelagoque geratur
Et tellure videt, totumque inquirit in orbem.

Thus strictly Englished:

Here all that's done, though far remote, appears,
And in close whispers penetrates our ears;
As built of brass, the house throughout resounds,
Reports things heard, and every word rebounds.
No rest within, nor silence, yet the noise
Not loud, but like a hollow murmuring voice;
Such as from far by rolling waves is sent,
Or like Jove's fainting thunder almost spent:
Hither the idle vulgar come and go,
Carrying a thousand rumours to and fro;
With stale reports some list'ning ears do fill,
Some coin fresh tales in words that vary still;
Lyes mixt with truth, all in the telling grows,
And each relator adds to what he knows:
Here dwells rash error, light credulity,
Sad panick fears, joys built on vanity;
New rais'd sedition, secret whisperings
Of unknown authors, and of doubtful things:
All acts of heav'n and earth it boldly views,

And, through the spacious world, enquires for news.

The room stinks of tobacco worse than hell of brimstone, and is as full of smoke as their heads that frequent it, whose humours are as various as those of Bedlam, and their discourse oftentimes as heathenish and

dull as their liquor; that liquor, which, by its looks and taste, you may reasonably guess to be Pluto's diet drink, that witches tipple out of dead men's skulls, when they ratify to Belzebub their sacramental vows.

This Stygian puddle-seller was formerly notorious for his ill-favoured cap, that aped a turbant, and, in conjunction with his anti-christian face, made him appear perfect Turk: but of late, his wife being grown acquainted with gallants, and the provocative vertue of chocolate, he finds a broad-brimmed hat more necessary: when he comes to fill you a dish, you may take him for Guy Faux with a dark lanthorn in his hand, for no sooner can you taste it, but it scalds your throat, as if you had swallowed the gunpowder treason; though he seem never so demure, you cannot properly call him Pharisee, for he never washes either out or inside of his pots or dishes, till they be as black as an usurer's conscience; and, then only scraping off the contracted soot, makes use of it, in the way of his trade, instead of coffee-powder; their taste and vertue being so near of kin, he dares defy the veriest coffee-critick to distinguish them: though he be no great traveller, yet he is in continual motion, but it is only from the fire-side to the table, and his tongue goes infinitely faster than his feet, his grand study being readily to eccho an answer to that threadbare question, What news have you, master? then with a grave whisper, yet such as all the room may hear it, he discovers some mysterious intrigue of state, told him last night by one that is barber to the taylor of a mighty great courtier's man relating this with no less formality than a young preacher delivers his first sermon, a sudden hickup surprises him, and he is forced twenty times to break the thread of his tale, with such necessary parenthesises, Wife, sweep up those loose corns of tobacco, and see the liquor boil not over. He holds it as part

of his creed, that the great Turk is a very good Christian, and of the reformed church, because he drinks coffee, and swears that Pointings, for celebrating its virtues in doggerel, deserves to be poet-laureat; yet is it not only this hot hell-broth that he sells, for never was mountebank furnished with more variety of poisonous drugs, than he of liquors; tea and aromatick for the sweet-toothed gentleman, betony and rosade for the addle-headed customer, back-recruiting chocolate for the consumptive gallant, Herefordshire redstreak made of rotten apples at the Three Cranes, true Brunswick mum brewed at St. Catharine's, and ale in penny mugs, not so big as a taylor's thimble.

As you have a hodge-podge of drinks, such too is your company, for each man seems a leveller, and ranks and files himself as he lists, without regard to degrees or order; so that often you may see a silly fop and a worshipful justice, a griping rook and a grave citizen, a worthy lawyer and an errant pickpocket, a reverend nonconformist and a canting mountebank, all blended together to compose an oglio of imperti

nence.

If any pragmatick, to shew himself witty or eloquent, begin to talk high, presently the further tables are abandoned, and all the rest flock round (like smaller birds, to admire the gravity of madge-howlet.) They listen to him awhile with their mouths, and let their pipes go out, and coffee grow cold, for pure zeal of attention, but on the sudden fall all

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