My father was a soldier in the revolutionary conflict, and I used to listen to the recital which he often gave of the scenes which he passed through, and which came under his observation while in the army, contending for the independence of his country. I read much of the rise and fall of empires, of the wars of the ancient Greeks and Romans, and was frequently carried away with a kind of political enthusiasm, and filled with admiration and delight in reading and hearing of the patriotic and chivalrous exploits of great generals, valiant conquerors, and invincible armies. I had a great thirst for military glory, and entered voluntarily a member of a chartered military company, some time before the law required me to bear arms, and had my vanity gratified in being chosen clerk of the company immediately, and stood fair in the usual course of gradation for a commission, when my mind took a turn another way, and I renounced it altogether. In short, I had glory in view, (I mean my own glory) in my youthful days, and felt determined to wade through difficulties and obstacles to attain it, which was one great reason why I did not spend much of my time as many of my playmates did, who were not so moved on by the pride of their hearts, to seek for something great to attract the notice and draw forth the praise of mortals, but whose depravity induced them to pursue a different course of present sensual gratification. Thanks be to him who eventually taught me that I was following after a shadow, an imaginary enjoyment, which never could be realized in the way which I was running, but that my then present course would lead me on to disgrace, instead of honour, and if I did not stop and turn from the error of my ways, I should soon find myself clothed with shame and everlasting contempt.

B2

CHAPTER II.

Early Religious Impressions-Conversion, &c.

I was always in bondage through fear of death, until the grace of God delivered me from it, by the forgiveness of my sins. I was, perhaps, uncommonly exercised with gloomy thoughts on this subject, in the very early part of my life. I used to lament bitterly, that I must die, when but a small child. I used to meditate upon the subject and thought if I must die, I would beg to be buried near by the house of my parents, for I could not hear the thoughts of being deposited in the lonesome grave-yard. I remember entering into conversation upon this subject, when six or seven years old, with my brother N. which was really affecting to me. He told me the reason why we must all die-because Adam eat the forbidden fruit. I lamented bitterly that Adam had brought this ruin upon his posterity. It was a dreadful thought to me that my body must see corruption, and be devoured by worms. Thoughts like these would frequently break in upon my mind, and mar my enjoyment in the pleasures of sin.

When about ten years old, I was put by my father to work for a farmer, about three miles from home, through the season. During the time I staid here, I was inexpressibly unhappy Removed from the company of my parents, and among strangers, I was in a situation to have my mind overwhelmed with foreboding thoughts of death and eternity; and added to those reflections on these subjects which were ordinary, was the idea that the world would be destroyed that season. There was to be an extraordinary conjunction of the planets that season, and some one had declared that a conflagration of our earth would certainly take place at the same time. This filled my mind with horror-I used scripture to calm my fears, but still being an unbeliever, it would not support me.

How different is that trust which a person reposes in the word of God, who never has had a Divine assurance impressed on his mind of the truth of the scriptures, from that of him who has seen the kingdom of God-into whose heart God who commanded light to shine out of darkness,has shined, to give him the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. I was almost every day in great consternation. I frequently imagined that I saw a great difference in the appearance of the sun from its usual aspect, and expected every moment it would begin to scorch the earth, and that the elements would melt with fervent heat. I sometimes fell on my knees and prayed to God. I was filled with apprehension when I retired to rest at night, that the dreadful catastrophe would transpire before morning. I scarcely dared to close my eyes in sleep, and felt disconsolate and unhappy beyond description.

But the summer passed away-the world stood unshaken, and I returned in autumn to my father's house. But I forgot God and all his benefits. I grew harder in sin, and more lively and vain than ever. I spent the winter at school. The ensuing spring I was engaged to Mr. K. of Cranston, a kinsman of my father. He filled a number of important offices in the State and town. He kept a grocery store in which I attended; worked in the garden, &c. in the summer, and attended school in the winter. He was remarkably kind and indulgent, and never gave me an angry word that I recollect, during the two years which I lived with him.

I do not recollect many serious thoughts in the course of these two years. The Sabbath in the neighbourhood was almost wholly disregarded-grocery stores being generally opened for the sale of spirituous liquors; and it was made a place of rendezvous by persons from different parts of the town, to assemble for recreation, such as ball-playing, and the like. O how much like a heathen I passed my precious time on the Sabbath, and other time which should have

been devoted to the service of God. I remember one circumstance which I have often thought of with some degree of astonishment, which I will here mention.I had been engaged one day (if my memory serves me it was on the Sabbath) in ungodly recreation with one of my young companions, and after having grown weary with our exercise, we sat down in a grove to rest, and began to converse; when he assumed an air of positiveness, and told me that, notwithstanding I was then so vain and wild, I should yet be a preacher of the gospel. Although, perhaps, I could not long after recollect a single item of the conversation which passed between myself and my young mates at this season of my life, but this, yet THIS was always retained in my mind.

At the expiration of about two years, I left Mr. K's and went to live with his father, the Hon. Mr. K. of Cranston, who was uncle to my father, and a very particular friend of our family. He was then a representative from Rhode-Island, in the Congress of the United States, and had just returned home, when I commenced my residence with him. I loved him affectionately, and anticipated much comfort in company with him and his family. But my expectations were blasted. When he returned from the South, he was out of health, and although it was hoped that a relief from the cares with which he had been loaded, would be the means of his restoration, yet his friends were disappointed in their anticipations, by seeing him daily failing, and apparently, rapidly approaching eternity. At length the fatal hour came-the family, and I among the rest, were called in the watches of the night, to witness the last conflict between life and deaththe reigning king conquered. It made an impression on my mind not easily to be described. I made promises to God to live a better life. I felt dejected and melancholy for a season, but soon relapsed into my old course of sin and folly. I was, however, frequently disturbed in my mind, and sometimes death and judgment were so presented to my view, as almost to

drive me to distraction, for a few moments, until I could obtain respite by turning away my attention.

means.

In

In consequence of the death of Mr. K. it was necessary for me to seek employment somewhere else.I accordingly accepted an offer from Mr. B. of Provi dence, with whom I continued until the ensuing spring, attending in his grocery store. This, however, was not a situation much calculated to effect a reformation in me, even if such a work had depended on human I grew nothing better, but rather worse. the spring (being fourteen years old the June following) I bargained with Mr. F. of Cranston, to work on his farm through the summer. Here I found a situation in many respects calculated to foster serious reflections, if I had been disposed to improve it. I was remote from my young and merry companions in sin -the situation was retired, it being a very large farm, and the house about in the centre, and but a few houses within a considerable distance. There were, however, disadvantages. Some of the family were deistical. Miss E. F. a single lady, who had attained to about the age of forty, having natural abilities of a superiour order, used to entertain me with her philosophical lectures. She was peculiarly gifted in communicating her ideas. She used to expatiate on the character of God from his works of creation and providence, and considered the doctrines of the gospel entirely inconsistent with his moral perfections. What a pity that such rare abilities should be so perverted, and made subservient to the propagation of the principles of infidelity, and infusing them into the minds of the youth! I think it was about this time that I sometimes spoke against the bible! I remember of ha rangueing my young companions on the subject, and declaring to them the bible could not be true, for it was self-contradictory. This I wickedly said, when at the same time, I had not read, perhaps, twenty chapters in it, during my life. I was egregiously ignorant of even the theory of the Christian religion.→ What an opposition reigns in the heart of man to God