money can carry everything in the world before them, that he would try their effect. He accordingly obtained an introduction to Madame Coralie Comifo, where he made himself as agreeable as he could, but that was not very sprightly; by his looks and manner he soon discovered to the cunning Frenchwoman that he was her devoted slave. She acted her part to admiration, giving him no encouragement, but at the same time, apparently unconsciously, displaying in a hundred little ways the charms that had captivated him. Jan Dirk could no longer endure to exist without the fair widow, so he abruptly told her the amount of his fortune, and that, if she refused to accept him for her mate, he would inevitably drown himself in the deepest and muddiest canal. Now Coralie had a tender heart: she had already lost one lover by drowning (poor Zephyr!), and she took into consideration that the property of Jan Dirk Peereboom was a very comfortable thing to retire upon, that dancing nightly was a great exertion, and that dancing cannot last for ever, though Holbein has endeavoured to perpetuate it in his painted moral "The Dance of Death;" she therefore implored time to consider. Jan Dirk was delighted, for he knew enough of the world to be aware, that if a female demands "time to consider," she has already fully made up her mind. It soon came to preliminaries. At the expiration of six months, the conclusion of Madame Coralie Comifo's theatrical engagement, she was to quit the stage, to be married to Jan Dirk Peereboom according to the rites of the Roman Catholic Church, as she professed that creed, and was very particular; as well as being also united to him in the Presbyterian form, in which Jan Dirk had been brought up; that her own property was to remain in her possession, and that she was to have the unlimited power of spending it as she pleased. The love of Jan Dirk Peereboom also occasioned him to give way to a most tyrannical requisition, which was no less than that he was to leave off smoking his pipe, as the smell of tobacco was offensive to the olfactory nerves of the fair widow. Coralie made also some other stipulations, which savoured more of a cautious engagement with a playhouse director than an agreeable understanding with a good-natured husband; but these occurred from habit, the lady in her day having always been in turmoil with her managers. Amongst the articles specified, her favourite poodle Mouton (almost as big as a sheep) was, if she required it, to travel with them; and although she did not condescend to give her private reasons for this measure, she had frequently found the great benefit of her large white, glossy, curled poodle being her compagnon du voyage. This will require a little explanation, but will simply solve itself thus. Madame Coralie, not being permanently attached to the Académie Royale at Paris, frequently visited the provincial theatres of France and the Continent generally. Now everybody who has travelled abroad is aware that there is not the same attention paid by landladies, and chambermaids, and garçons, to the airing of bed-sheets as is practised in England. Indeed, we have heard of the garcon sprinkling the bed-clothes with water in the interim between the departure of one nightly occupant and the arrival of another. Madame Coralie had undergone the usual result of this refreshing proceeding, and rheumatism was consequent; and as rheumatism is decidedly the worst disorder, and the most readily taken, that a public or private dancer can experience, she, with that ingenuity for which French women have always been admired, after dismissing the chambermaid or garçon, ordered Mouton to jump into the bed. The warm silken poodle was so thoroughly accustomed to this, that it became matter of perfect habit, and if any damp was in the sheets or coverlets, Mouton extracted it unheeded and unhurt, rendering her beloved mistress perfectly safe from the ravages of cold or sciatica, and leaving a minor annoyance only, in the shape of that most active, industrious, and (as it has been proved in this enlightened age) intellectual animal, the Pulex irritans. The six months glided away, and Jan Dirk Peereboom, after having been kept in the state of misery so delightful to a lover, at length was united to the object of his passion. He had not dared to mention the matter to his grave friends at Dort. It could not be supposed that the descendants of the celebrated Synod, who were rigid Calvinists, would countenance a marriage with a French operadancer. Perfectly aware of this, Jan Dirk Peereboom, accompanied by Madame, went to Paris. With infinite astonishment Peter Bogerman, auctioneer and agent at Dort, received directions from Jan Dirk Peereboom to dispose of his house, timber-wharf, stock in trade, ships, barges, &c. &c. The announcement was the subject of conversation in Dort for one entire month. But when the sedate, plodding, and money-getting merchants ascertained that Jan Dirk had actually married Madame Coralie Comifo, there was a general commotion of tobacco-puffs, turning up the whites of the eyes, hemming, and lamentations at his gross imprudence. The spinsters of Dort were utterly enraged. Jan Dirk Peereboom, in the height of his honey-moon, made the reflection that he had married to please himself, not to gratify his friends. He therefore visited with his beloved Coralie all the places of public amusement, and partook of every gaiety that the fascinating city of Paris afforded. We have in a former page hinted that Monsieur Zephyr Comifo had an extravagant salary for the performances of himself and wife, and this was rendered exceedingly necessary, as both Monsieur and Madame were very expensive in their habits, stage and otherwise. Madame Coralie figured away three pairs of shoes nightly, and the fact is recorded to introduce a personage who will turn out to be of some importance towards the end of this narrative. This individual was named Scheck Stalman, and at the period we are describing he was in thriving circumstances at Amsterdam as a ladies' shoe-maker; he was manufacturer to Madame Coralie Comifo. When Jan Dirk Peereboom first paid his addresses to the enchanting Coralie, she was struck by the resemblance in features between her lover and her cordonnier. Scheck Stalman had an excellent customer in Madame Coralie; and though he was occasionally obliged to give her considerable credit, yet, when she did pay, she paid most liberally. He was also in the habit of discounting the notes of hand of Monsieur Comifo, at a large rate per cent., which the improvidence of the dancer rendered necessary; Stalman was therefore a very useful person to Madame, and knew exactly the length of her foot. a refinement of cruelty to recommend it that could only have entered the imagination of a Dutch or a China man. Scheck Stalman was condemned to seven years' imprisonment, and to live without salt to his food. The consequence of this sentence to the unhappy beings who have the misfortune to fall under it is that they become dreadfully infested with worms. Some, whose obstinate spirits could never be subdued, used in bravado and ridicule to call this punishment the Diet of Worms. As we cannot help Scheck Stalman in his predicament, however large the bump of benevolence may be on our cranium, there he must remain, and return we to Jan Dirk Peereboom and his bride. The Dort auctioneer, Peter Bogerman, after writing several letters of remonstrance to Jan Dirk, but without any avail, proceeded slowly, but surely, to sell the effects to the very best advantage; but the worthy agent, and nearly all the town of Dort, were sore on account of Jan Dirk Peereboom's marriage; for his family had been mixed up with an extraordinary event, well recorded in the province. This event has been variously related; and at the period it occurred it created so great a sensation, that the money coined at the mint of the city (pieces of which are to be seen to this day), dollars, stivers, and doights, bore the impress of a milkmaid milking a cow. Well, what was the occasion of this? Why, the Spaniards, under the cruel Duke of Alva, undertook suddenly to surprise the town of Dort. They made forced marches in the night, and arriving within five miles of the city, 3500 soldiers were placed in ambush, to wait for an opportunity to attack. In the neighbourhood of Dort resided a farmer, But Scheck Stalman in heart was a great by name Booser; his riches consisted of a large rogue, he prospered for a time; but when a number of cows, from which he supplied the Dutchman is a rogue, perhaps from their ex- town with milk and butter. When his dairytreme punctuality in business, and exactness maids went to their avocations in the morning in keeping accounts, the rogue cannot escape at a very early hour, one buxom lass, Elizabeth detection so long as in other countries. And Peereboom, espied some soldiers in strange about the period of our tale some new fiscal uniforms lying on the ground behind the arrangements with the French government in- hedges. With great presence of mind she introduced without a duty the manufactures insisted on her companions milking the cows as which Scheck Stalman excelled, and his trade declined at the moment that he had made some unlucky and over-reaching bill-discounting speculations. All his attempts to reinstate himself proving ineffectual, he in despair committed a forgery, for which, when convicted, he was condemned to a singular punishment, we believe peculiar to Holland, and which has usual, and singing merrily; when they had completed their task, they returned unmolested with their pails to the farm. Elizabeth Peereboom now went to Booser, and related what she had seen. He was sorely alarmed, but took her with him on a horse to Dort, where he aroused one of the burgomasters, who lost no time in sending for the aid of a force from Rotterdam. The government then commanded the sluices to be opened, which speedily laid under water the ground on which the Spaniards were in ambush, and a great number of them were drowned. The timely information and presence of mind of Elizabeth Peereboom thus saved the city, and she was afterwards munificently rewarded with a handsome annuity, not only on her own life, but to her heirs for ever. We have made this digression, because Jan Dirk Peereboom, being a descendant of the noble-spirited milkmaid, was in the present receipt of this same annuity, which made him care the less about giving up his timber trade. All for a time went on gaily with the newmarried couple, but at length the husband began to discover that he was dragged too often to the theatres in the evenings, and he grew sick of the eternal pirouetting of the various corps de ballet, particularly as Madame criticized every dancer with much severity, though she insisted on seeing them perform. The mornings of Jan Dirk Peereboom began now to wear heavily for the want of his counting-house and timber-yard. He had relinquished his accustomed employ. "A want of occupation is not rest, A mind quite vacant is a mind distress'd." His circulation of blood became sluggish, his spirits sunk, he grew pettish and fretful; he brooded over every little vexation or inconvenience; he not only increased his real, but conjured up imaginary evils, and got no sympathy with any one in either; his original and grand resource in his bachelorship, under any calamity, was a pipe of tobacco; and of this, under his marriage articles, he was deprived. Jan Dirk Peereboom certainly preferred the smell of his late pipe to all the fragrant and subtle Parisian perfumes in which his wife delighted. Jan Dirk thought he would endeavour to pave the way to resume, with Madame's permission, his favourite recreation, so he turned over in his mind as to how he should introduce the subject of tobacco; and as they were sitting together, he suddenly said,— "Did I ever tell you a curious thing that happened to a nephew of mine, of my own name, whom I sent out as a supercargo to Batavia, from whence he was to proceed with a freight to Japan?" "Never, my dear,” replied Madame Coralie Peereboom, yawning. "Then I will," continued Jan Dirk, "for I think it will amuse you." "Don't let it be a very long story, mon ami,” again yawned the lady. This was a discouraging commencement, but Jan was a Hollander, and possessed perseverance; if he was flung in a ditch, he could raise an embankment. "If I tire you, Coralie, with my relation," said he, “you can but stop me." "What relation was he?" asked Madame. "My nephew, Jinks Peereboom," continued Jan, "a staid demure clerk, who had been brought up with a proper respect for his superiors, and with a knowledge of what is due from man to man in any part of the globe; and under his immediate charge was placed a valuable commodity already imported from our other settlements, a ton of tobacco." "Ah, mon Dieu!" exclaimed Coralie, "don't mention that filthy drug, which would poison our apartments, and tincture, with its odious smell, our linen,-nay, our food; and, moreover, our poor poodle Mouton cannot endure it; it positively makes his dear eyes water." " Jan Dirk perceived that he had not made much progress: he however persevered. "Well, Jinks Peereboom"Who did you say he was?" inquired Madame, languidly. "My nephew. Well, the youth conducted himself with credit, arrived at Samarang "Where is that, dear? in Africa?" asked Coralie. "No, my love, Asia." "And where is Asia?" said Coralie, with a prodigious yawn; "somewhere in America, I suppose?" The imperturbable Dutchman was aroused to a smile by this remark; but he felt somewhat of a superiority, for the first time, that he exceeded his wife in geographical knowledge. He did not think it worth while to discompose her good opinion of herself by any remark on her profound ignorance, but continued his narrative. "When Jinks Peereboom discharged his cargo at Batavia, the ship was newly freighted with Dutch goods and the TOBACCO for Japan Desima, on which is situated the Dutch factory, | some time past had been nauseated with the Jinks perceived certain of the inhabitants waiting to receive him, two of whom, in long flowing gowns, held white wands in their hands. As Jinks Peereboom was fond of respect, he took it as a very great compliment that two chamberlains, or gentlemen-ushers, should have been appointed to superintend his disembarkation. “As he landed, these two Japanese chamberlains saluted him very respectfully, but Jinks was rather surprised, on casually turning round, to observe that one of them had placed his white wand against his back from the ground, as if taking his altitude; however, he said nothing until they arrived at the Dutch governor's dwelling. The governor was a rough Hollander, who hated anything like ceremony; and when, after dinner, Jinks was expressing his extreme satisfaction at the marks of respect with which he had been received on his landing by the chamberlains with their wands of office, the Dutch governor, albeit not a laughing man, roared outright in Jinks' face. "Ha! ha! ha! chamberlains, indeed! Bless your simplicity, young man! Ha! ha! ha!' "Jinks could not comprehend the governor, who soon explained,— "Are you not aware-ha! ha! ha!-that this part of the world is most unhealthy in climate for Europeans?-not one constitution in ten can resist it. The Japanese always have an eye to business; those chamberlains, as you call them,-ha! ha! ha!-are the undertakers here, and they took the earliest opportunity on your arrival to measure you for your coffin! Ha! ha! ha!' "Jinks Peereboom was aghast, but became somewhat relieved by the governor asking him if he had brought plenty of tobacco. Jinks replied in the affirmative. "Then,' said the governor, 'your only chance is to smoke morning, noon, and night, as I do."" "The filthy wretches!" exclaimed Coralie; in fact, the lady was as much exasperated against the Indian weed as James the First and sapient, of "Counter-blast" memory. Jan Dirk Peereboom now positively pined in the absence of his pipe. He was a man of his word, and he had promised to abandon the luxury in his wife's presence. He had held out now some months, but he could no longer resist. One day a party was made up, consisting of several artistes of the Grand Opera, to go to St. Cloud, on a sort of pic-nic recreation, and Mynheer and Madame Peereboom were included in the invitation. Jan Dirk, who for society of dancers, made up his mind to be taken ill on the morning of the event, not so very bad as to prevent his dear Coralie from Joining her friends, but sufficiently indisposed to afford an excuse for staying away. He, however, had very little difficulty in persuading his wife to go and enjoy the day in the fresh air with her light-hearted companions. But directly the carriages, with their gay occupants and eatable and drinkable contents, had rattled away from the door, the Dutchman, with a feeling of satisfaction to which he had been a stranger for some time past, involuntarily exclaimed, "Now I will go and make a day of it!" He had promised not to smoke at home, but that was no reason why he might not take a whiff of tobacco abroad; so he repaired to the neighbourhood of the Palais Royal, where he was not long in scenting out the Estaminet d'Hollande, which he briskly entered, and was speedily furnished with the objects of his desire -tobacco and an Amsterdam gazette. The room was so full of smoke, reeking from the lips and the bowls of the pipes of the habitués, that he could scarcely discern a feature in the company; but each frequenter was enjoying himself, and not caring a straw for any one else. Here Jan Dirk Peereboom filled his pipe again and again without intermission, until he had whiffed off three dozen replenishments, with a liquid accompaniment of veritable Schiedam, by way of atonement for the time he had lost since his wedding-day. He resumed his accustomed placidity, and glanced, as well as the clouds of smoke permitted, at the Amsterdam gazette, when his eye caught an advertentie: "Jinks Peereboom begs leave to acquaint his friends and the public that he has commenced the business of general broker at Dort on his own account, and trusts that his long experience in the house of Messrs. Clarenbach and Voute, as well as in the service of his uncle Jan Dirk Peereboom, will enable him to do justice to those friends who may be pleased to favour him with their commands. "His office is established at No. 14 west side of the Great Canal Street, where all orders will meet with immediate attention." Jan Dirk sighed as he read the modest advertisement of his nephew, and inwardly wished that he himself had put forth such an announcement to the public. Another newspaper, the Amsterdam Courant, was lying on a table, around which sat three Dutch merchants, smoking at each other like rival steam-boats. In this paper was a fac-simile of young Jinks' advertisement. Jan Dirk's back was toward | his real Dutch temper. The air and temperathis party, but he had the infinite mortification to listen to a dialogue broken all to bits by pipe-puffs, to the following effect: 1st Smoker."I see by this paper that Peereboom the younger is commencing busi(Puff, puff.) ness. 2d Smoker."What a confounded ass his uncle Jan Dirk made of himself by marrying that French dancer! Three years hence, he will not have a stiver to bless himself with." (A huge puff.) 3d Smoker.-"Oh! fool as Jan Dirk has been, he knows how to take care of his money!" (Puff.) 2d Smoker. "Then he goes the right way about it, for this very morning I saw his wife with a gay party of people in three carriages, apparently going out of town for a fête for the day." 1st Smoker. "" That is not done for nothing." (Puffs.) 2d Smoker. "His credit is gone at Dort, although he must still be rich, besides being the holder of the milkmaid's annuity; and, I warrant me, he will soon melt down his guilders in the bank of Amsterdam." These remarks made Jan Dirk Peereboom feel very uncomfortable, and he was reluctant to discover himself, after having been stigmatized as an ass and fool, without resenting it; he in his own defence puffed up such a cloud of smoke that he became invisible; for, indeed, now he began to think that he had done rather a weak thing. After the Dutch merchants had quitted the estaminet, Jan Dirk ventured to go home, where, subsequent to some uneasy reflections, he reclined himself at full length on a sofa, and went fast asleep. When Madame Coralie Peereboom returned from her country excursion, having inhaled during the whole day the pure air of St. Cloud, her senses were mightily annoyed by the strong odour of odious tobacco (and the French tobacco being a government monopoly, it is notoriously the worst on the face of the globe). "O mon Dieu!" she exclaimed as she entered, "these fumes will annihilate me! What has happened during my absence?" And then she discovered Jan Dirk snoring heavily. She shook him up briskly, but he was not at all inclined to stir; and under the influence of the smoking, the Schiedam, and his wounded feelings, as well as the peculiar irritability which most persons have felt at certain periods at being waked from a nap, he, for the first time since his marriage, exhibited ture of the climate of Holland has, as a matter of course, an effect on the national character, and incline to produce phlegmatic disposition both of body and mind. And yet a Dutchman is irascible, especially if heated with liquor. Therefore, when Coralie, shaking his arm, in a shrill tone of voice demanded where he had been, he replied, · "What is that to you?" "Jan Dirk, what have you been about?" Mynheer Peereboom answered with a hiccup, "Why do you expect I should tell you when I don't know myself?" "Indeed, sir!" said Coralie impatiently, "I see no reason why I should not ask you." "If women were to always have their wills," grunted Jan Dirk, "the world would be rarely governed!" "How, what is all this?" exclaimed Madame, in a tone of utter surprise, "did you not marry me for love?" "Yes, and you married me for money; so you have your reward, and I have mine!" "What is it that now offends you?" asked Coralie, a little subdued. Jan Dirk answered gloomily, "Two clergymen!" "What, in the name of Heaven, have they done to you?" inquired Madame. "They married me!" groaned Dirk,-"fettered me in both churches-Catholic and Protestant;-I find that I have been a great fool!" "I am glad to observe that you have some discernment," tartly replied Coralie; and she indignantly left the room, told her fille de chambre that Monsieur had unaccountably come home in a state of intoxication, and that she intended to lock herself in her chamber, and to see him no more that night. Jan Dirk stretched himself on the sofa, and presently fell into a profound slumber. Here was the first open matrimonial dispute. Coralie could scarce believe what she heard, for, with a considerable portion of French vanity, she imagined that her husband was devoted in his affection for her, though she was aware that she had never loved him. The obstinate nature of Jan Dirk Peereboorn would not permit him to make any concession in the morning, although the facile French woman gave every opportunity; so that the slight wound, which might have been healed by the soothing bandage of common sense and good temper, gradually grew more and more inflamed, until it created a constant petulance in the wife and moody brutality in the husband. |