seventy-two of our mothers started straight for the Union. As soon as they got there the 482 umbrellas began to waver in the wind. In eight minutes every umbrella was closed, and in seventeen minutes 222 young ladies, with blushing faces, tangled crimps and downcast eyes, filed through our middle hall to the elevator.

"Are you sure that you are twenty-one years old?' asked a clergyman of a young Irishman who brought his sweetheart to be married.

"Faith and I am that same,' said Jemmy.

"And Bridget,' said the clergyman, is she twenty-one too?"

"Jemmy straightened up, and, looking somewhat indig nant, replied:

"Sure an' I can swear she's double it!""

Nasby's Love Story.

He had never told his love; their acquaintance had been brief, and when suddenly he placed his arms around her neck and imprinted a kiss upon her rosebud mouth, she was naturally startled.

"Sir," she said, "this is unsufferable!"

"Forgive me," he cried, "I was mad to act so. I beseech you pardon me."

"No, I can never forgive you. You have forfeited my friendship. You must leave me at once and forever!" Vainly he pleaded. She was obdurate. So glaring an offense could not be condoned. Breathing low he said he would go. His whole life would be embittered, for he felt that her image could ne'er be effaced from his memory.

"I will go," he sadly murmured. "But before I leave you I have one boon to ask. I feel that I am not unreasonable

nor too utter in desiring this one favor.

I trust

you will grant

It is my final request."

it to me.

"What is it?" she timidly interrogated-softly touched by his emotion.

"Won't you please take your arm from around my neck?”

James Russell Lowell's Love Story.

God makes sech nights, all white an' still, fur'z you can look or listen,
Moonshine an' snow on field an' hill, all silence an' all glisten.
Zekel crep' up, quite unbeknown, an' peeked in thru the winder,
An' there sot Huldy, all alone, with no one nigh to hinder.
The wa'nut logs shot sparkles out toward the pootiest, bless her!
An' leetle flames danced all about the chiny on the dresser.
The very room, coz she was in, seemed warm from floor to ceilin',
An' she looked full ez rosy agin, ez the apples she was peelin'.
"Twas kin' o' "kingdom come" to look on such a blessed cretur,
A dog-rose blushin' to a brook ain't modester nor sweeter.
He was six foot o' man, A 1, clean grit an' human natur,
None couldn't quicker pitch a ton, nor dror a furrer straighter.

He'd sparked it with full twenty gals, he'd squired 'em, danced 'em, druv 'em,

Fust this one, and then thet, by spells,-all is, he couldn't love 'em.
But long o' her, his veins 'ould run all crinkly, like curled maple,
The side she breshed felt full o' sun, ez a south slope in Ap'il.
She thought no v'ice hed sech a swing as hisn in the choir;

My! when he made "Ole Hundred" ring, she knowed the Lord was nigher.

An' she'd blush scarlit, right in prayer, when her new meetin' bunnet Felt, somehow, thru its crown, a pair 'o blue eyes sot upon it.

Thet night, I tell ye, she looked some! she seemed to've gut a new soul, For she felt sartin-sure he'd come, down to her very shoe-sole.

She heerd a foot, an' knowed it, tu, a-raspin' on the scraper,

All ways to once her feelins flew, like sparks in burnt-up paper.

He kin' o' loitered on the mat, some doubtfle o' the sekle,

His heart kep' goin' pity-pat, but hern went "pity-Zekle."

An' yit, she gin her cheer a jerk, ez though she wished him furder,

An' on her apples kep' to work, parin' away like murder.

"You want to see my Pa, I s'pose?" "Wall-no-I come designin'”.—

"To see my Ma? She's sprinklin' clo'es, agin to-morrer's i'nin."

-To say why gals acts so or so, or don't, would be presumin';
Mebby to mean yes, an' say no, comes nateral to woman.

not know it; at least, does not seem to be aware of it. Then, after a half hour spent in sight, coughing and clearing of throats, he suddenly says:

"I'se a great a-mind to bite you."

"What you great a-mind to bite me fur?"

"Kase you won't have me."

Then Coony dreams he hears a sound of kissing.

Then the next day the young man goes to Tigerville after a marriage license. Wednesday the following week. No cards.

White, on The Hard-hearted Father.

"But, papa

"Not another word," said the person thus addressed, a tall, handsome man, in whose deep-brown hair a tinge of gray was just beginning to show. "You know, my child," he continued, "that nothing could give me more pain than refusing any wish of yours, and that I am never so happy and free from care as when some act of mine has made your life brighter. But this request I cannot grant. A sealskin sacque with fur trimmings! By my halidom, you jest bravely—” and, turning hastily away, Dunstan Perkins stepped to the sideboard

and took a drink.

For an instant Lillian stood in the conservatory, looking steadily down at the heavy velvet carpet in which her shapely feet sunk deeply, but presently the spirit of desolate loneliness seemed to leave her, and, going quietly into an adjoining room, she began eating pie.

66

In a few moments her father came into the apartment.
Perhaps I was rather harsh with you, Lillian," he began.
But the girl interrupted him. "Don't speak of it again,

dear papa," she said, "because I know that you really have

no money to spare. While I was mending your overcoat last evening, I saw that note from 'Daisy,' and I would not " "You saw the note?" asks Mr. Perkins in hoarse, agonized

tones.

"Yes, papa; but know I never
you
"How much will a sealskin sacque cost?"

"Three hundred dollars," and as the girl spoke these words a baleful light shot from her eyes.

"You can have the money tomorrow," he said, and went slowly out of the room.

"I thought my darling papa would weaken," said the girl, and lifting the fork slowly to her lips, the last of the pie was gone.

PUNS AND CONUNDRUMS.

A New Theory of Conundrums.

Melville D. Landon, A.M.

The pun and conundrum are instances of deformed logic. 'The pun and conundrums are simply the ambiguous middle termed the syllogism, and every pun and conundrum ever made in the English language can be reduced to the fallacious syllogism of the Greeks. To illustrate, I will make a conundrum and then reduce it to syllogisms:

"Why is Fred. Douglass a very wicked man? Because he is supported by black legs."

Now put the conundrum into a syllogism, and it will read thus:

First premise-Any man supported by black legs must be very wicked.

Second Premise-Fred. Douglass is supported entirely by black legs.

Conclusion-Therefore, Frederick Douglass must be very

wicked.

Now we will change another conundrum to the syllogism:
Why is a mouse like hay? Ans. Because the cat'll eat it.
Put it into a syllogism, and it will read thus:

First Premise-Any thing the cattle eat is like hay.
Second Premise--The cat'll eat a mouse.

Conclusion-Therefore a mouse is like hay.

Now I will change the syllogism back to the conundrum.

I will make this syllogism:

First Premise-Any thing whose sun never sets is immortal. Second Premise-A hen's son never sets.

Conclusion-Therefore a hen is immortal.