-once more wiz me fellows-I like to sit down quieshly wish a few frens and 'joy glash beer-just becaush dosh me good; good. But I donteat myshelf to death—oncsh more all 'rown' -like thesh temperals falatics-oncsh in awhile I like glash of beer—jush in quiet way onsch in while, but you don' see— you don' see me gettin' full ev'ry time-" (Talks temperance in all things and undue indulgence in nothing over twelve more glasses, and succumbs to sweet repose).

Conscientious Objections.

"I have a conscientious objection to teetotalism," said a man to John B. Gough.

"And what is your conscientious objection?" asked Mr. Gough.

"It is because teetotalism is not taught in the Bible. Noah got drunk, and our Savior made wine at the marriage of Cana in Galilee."

"I know he did.”

"He made it because they wanted it."

"So the Bible tells us."

"He made it of water," continued the man.

"Yes."

"Well, he performed a miracle to make that wine.” "Yes."

"Then he honored and sanctified wine by performing a miracle to make it. Therefore," said he, "I feel that, if I should give up the use of wine, I should be guilty of ingratitude and should be reproaching my Master."

"Sir," said I, "I can understand how you should feel so; but is there nothing else you put by, which our Savior has honored?"

"No, I don't know that there is."

"Do you eat barley bread?"

"No," and then he laughed.

"And why?"

"Because I don't like it."

"Very well, sir," said I. Our Savior sanctified barley bread just as much as he ever did wine. He fed five thousand people on barley loaves by a miracle. You put away barley bread from the low motive of not liking it. I ask you to put away wine from the higher motive of bearing the infirmity of your weaker brother, and so fulfilling the law of Christ."

Bargaining With a Pump.

Some thirty years ago, an intemperate man was reformed by being refused one cherry. Penniless, he went to the publichouse one morning, where he had squandered many a shilling, to get a drink" on tick." The landlady refused to trust him. Seeing a plate of luscious ripe cherries on the bar, he asked for but one. "Save your money and buy your own cherries," was her surly reply. "I will," he said, and he did. His wounded pride forced him to reflect; reflection ensured amendment. From that morning he was reformed.

The following story tells of a flannel-weaver who also was induced by a surly answer to reflect and then to make a good bargain with a pump.

This man had saved a guinea for the purpose of having a whole week's dissipation. He began on Monday, spending three shillings per day for seven days; on the morning of the eighth day he was burning with thirst, but his money was gone.

He went to the back door of the place where he had spent his guinea, to beg a pint on trust.

Judy, the landlady, was mopping the passage; he stood looking at Judy, with his cracked lips, parched tongue and bloodshot eyes, expecting her to ask him to take a drop; but she did not, and he requested her to trust him for only one

With an indignant look of scorn and contempt she replied, "Trust thee! thou dirty, idle vagabond! Set a step in this house, and I will dash this mop in thy face!"

The poor wretch hung down his head in shame. He was leaning against a pump; and after a little study began to talk

to the pump,

"Well, Pump," he said, "I have not spent a guinea with thee, Pump; wilt thou trust me a drop?"

He lifted up the handle, put his burning mouth to the spout, and drank his fill; this done, he again said to the pump,

"Thank thee, Pump; and now, hear me, Pump. I will not enter a public-house again for the next seven years and, Pump, thou art a witness."

The bargain was kept, and this man afterwards became a respectable manufacturer, and often said it was a grand thing for him that Judy threatened to dash the mop in his face.

IRISH WIT.

Bulls, Blunders and Smart Sayings.

"How is the pig, Pat?"

"Faith an' he's a great glutton."

"How is that?"

"Be Jabbers he drank two pails full of milk, and when I put the little rascal in the pail he didn't half fill it.”

America a large Country.

"How do you like America, Mr. Flannigan?" was asked or an Irishman who had returned to Cork.

"Ameriky, does ye say?"

"Yes. Is it a large country?"

“Indade it is now. Ameriky is a mighty sizable place. Ye might roll England through it, an' it would hardly make a dint in the ground. There's a fresh water ocean inside of it that ye might drown Ireland in, an' save Father Mathew a wonderful soight of trouble. An', as for Scotland, ye might stick it in a corner of their forests, an' ye'd never be able to find it, except, it might be, by the smell of the whisky."

Pat in a Quaker Meeting.

Pat was attending a Quaker meeting when a Quaker preacher read from the Psalms of David

"The devil, ye have!" interruped Pat.

After the sexton had quieted Pat the clergyman commenced again—