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From tender friendship, and endearing love.
If Petrarch's Muse did Laura's wit rehearse;
And Cowley flattered dear Orinda's verse;
She hopes from you-Pox take her hopes and fears:
I plead her sex's claim, what matters hers?
By our full power of beauty we think fit
To damn the salique law imposed on wit:

We'll try the empire you so long have boasted;
And if we are not praised, we'll not be toasted.
Approve what one of us presents to-night,

Or every mortal woman here shall write;
Rural, pathetic, narrative, sublime,

We'll write to you, and make you write in rhyme;
Female remarks shall take

up

all your time.

Your time, poor souls! we'll take your very money;
Female third days shall come so quick upon ye.
As long as we have eyes, or hands, or breath,
We'll look, or write, or talk you all to death.
Unless you yield for better and for worse;
Then the she-pegasus shall gain the course;
And the gray mare will prove the better horse.

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THE THIEF AND THE CORDELIER,

A BALLAD.

TO THE TUNE OF KING JOHN AND
THE ABBOT OF CANTERBURY.

1 WHо has e'er been at Paris must needs know the

Greve,

The fatal retreat of th' unfortunate brave;

Where honour and justice most oddly contribute, To ease heroes' pains by a halter and gibbet; Derry down, down, hey derry down.

2 There death breaks the shackles which force had

put on;

And the hangman completes what the judge but begun ;

There the squire of the pad, and the knight of the post,

Find their pains no more balked, and their hopes no more crossed.

Derry down, etc.

3 Great claims are there made, and great secrets are

known;

And the king, and the law, and the thief has his own; But my hearers cry out; What a deuce dost thou ail? Cut off thy reflections, and give us thy tale.

Derry down, etc.

4 'Twas there then, in civil respect to harsh laws, And for want of false witness, to back a bad cause, A Norman, though late, was obliged to appear; And who to assist, but a grave Cordelier?

Derry down, etc.

5 The squire, whose good grace was to open the scene,
Seemed not in great haste, that the show should begin;
Now fitted the halter, now traversed the cart;
And often took leave; but was loth to depart.

Derry down, etc.

6 What frightens you thus, my good son, says the

priest;

You murdered, are sorry, and have been confessed. O father! my sorrow will scarce save my bacon; For 'twas not that I murdered, but that I was taken. Derry down, etc.

7 Pugh! pr'ythee ne'er trouble thy head with such fancies;

Rely on the aid you shall have from Saint Francis;
If the money you promised be brought to the chest,
You have only to die; let the church do the rest.
Derry down, etc.

8 And what will folks say, if they see you afraid;
It reflects upon me, as I knew not my trade:
Courage, friend; to-day is your period of sorrow;
And things will go better, believe me, to-morrow.
Derry down, etc.

9 To-morrow? our hero replied in a fright: He that's hanged before noon, ought to think of tonight:

Tell your beads, quoth the priest, and be fairly

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For you surely to-night shall in paradise sup.

Derry down, etc.

10 Alas! quoth the squire, howe'er sumptuous the treat, Parbleu, I shall have little stomach to eat;

I should therefore esteem it great favour and grace,
Would you be so kind, as to go

in my place.

Derry down, etc.

11 That I would, quoth the father, and thank you to

boot;

But our actions, you know, with our duty must suit.
The feast, I proposed to you, I cannot taste;
For this night, by our order, is marked for a fast.
Derry down, etc.

12 Then turning about to the hangman, he said; Dispatch me, I pr'ythee, this troublesome blade:

For thy cord, and my cord both equally tie;

And we live by the gold for which other men die.

Derry down, etc.

AN EPITAPH.

Stet quicunque volet potens
Aulæ culmine lubrico, &c.

SENECA.

INTERRED beneath this marble stone
Lie sauntering Jack and idle Joan.
While rolling threescore years and one
Did round this globe their courses run;
If human things went ill or well;
If changing empires rose or fell;
The morning past, the evening came,
And found this couple still the same.

They walked and eat, good folks, what then?
Why then they walked and eat again!

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They soundly slept the night away;
They just did nothing all the day;
And having buried children four,
Would not take pains to try for more;
Nor sister either had, nor brother;
They seemed just tallied for each other.
Their moral and economy

Most perfectly they made agree;
Each virtue kept its proper bound,
Nor trespassed on the other's ground:
Nor fame, nor censure they regarded;
They neither punished nor rewarded.
He cared not what the footmen did;
Her maids she neither praised nor chid;
So every servant took his course;
And bad at first, they all grew worse.

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Slothful disorder filled his stable;
And sluttish plenty decked her table.
Their beer was strong, their wine was port;
Their meal was large, their grace was short.
They gave the poor the remnant meat,
Just when it grew not fit to eat.1

They paid the church and parish rate;
And took, but read not the receipt;
For which they claim their Sunday's due,
Of slumbering in an upper pew.

No man's defects sought they to know;
So never made themselves a foe.
No man's good deeds did they commend;
So never raised themselves a friend.
Nor cherished they relations poor;
That might decrease their present store.
Nor barn nor house did they repair;
That might oblige their future heir.

They neither added nor confounded;
They neither wanted nor abounded.
Each Christmas they accounts did clear,
And wound their bottom round the year.
Nor tear nor smile did they employ
At news of public grief, or joy.

When bells were rung, and bonfires made,
If asked, they ne'er denied their aid;
Their jug was to the ringers carried,
Whoever either died, or married;
Their billet at the fire was found,
Whoever was deposed, or crowned.

Nor good, nor bad, nor fools, nor wise;
They would not learn, nor could advise:

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1 Scott, in his 'Bride of Lammermoor,' borrows this. Johnnie Girder says, 'If there is onything totally uneatable, let it be gien to the puir folk.'

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