Or, both in friendly confort join'd,
The confequence limps falfe behind.
So to fome cunning man fhe goes,
And asks of him how much she knows;
With patience grave he hears her speak,
And from his fhort notes gives her back
What from her tale he comprehended;
Thus the difpute is wifely ended.
From the account the lofer brings,
The conj'rer knows who stole the things.
"Squire, (interrupted Dick) fince when
Were you among ft these cunning men?
Dear Dick, quoth Matt. let not thy force
Of eloquence fpoil my difcourfe :
I tell thee this is Alma's cafe.
Still asking what fome wife man fays,
Who does his mind in words reveal,
Which all must grant, tho' few can spell.
You tell your doctor that ye're ill,
And what does he but write a bill?
Of which you need not read one letter:
The worse the fcrawl, the dofe the better:
For if you know but what you take,
Tho' you recover, he must break.
Ideas, farms, and intellects,
Have furnish'd out three diff'rent fects.
Subftance or accident divides
All Europe into adverse fides.
Now, as engag'd in arms or laws,
You must have friends to back your cause,
In philofophic matters fo
Your judgment must with others go:
For as in fenates fo in fchools,
Majority of voices rules.
Poor Alma, like a lonely deer,
O'er hills and dales doth doubtful err:
With panting hafte and quick furprise,
From ev'ry leaf that ftirs fhe flies,
Till, mingled with the neighb'ring herd,
She flight what erft fhe fin ly fear'd,
And now exempt from doubt and dread,
She dares purfue if they dare lead;
As their example still prevails,
She tempts the stream, or leaps the pales.
He then, quoth Dick, who by your rule
Thinks for himself becomes a fool;
As party man who leaves the rest,
Is call'd but whimfical at best.
Now, by your favour, Mafter Matt.
Like Ralpho, here I fmell a rat.
I must be lifted in your fect,
Who, tho' they teach not, can protect.
Right Richard, Matt. in triumph cry'd,
So put off all miftruft and pride;
And while my principles I beg,
Pray answer only with your leg.
Believe what friendly I advife:
Be firft fecure, and then be wife.
The man within the coach that fits,
And to another's skill submits,
Is fafer much, (whate'er arrives)
And warmer too, than he that drives.
So, Dick, adept, tuck back thy hair,
And I will pour into thy ear
Remarks which none did e'er disclose;
In fmooth pac'd verfe, or hobbling profe.
Attend, dear Dick, but don't reply,
And thou mayft prove as well as I.
When Alma now in diff'rent ages
Has finish'd her afcending stages,
Into the head at length fhe gets,
And there in public grandeur fits,
To judge of things, and cenfure wits.
Here, Richard, how could I explain
The various lab'rinths of the brain?
Surprise my readers, whilft I tell 'em
Of cerebrum and cerebellum?
How could I play the commentator
On dura and on pia mater?
Where hot and cold, and dry and wet,
Strive each the other's place to get,
And with inceffant toil and ftrife
Would keep poffeffion during life?
I could demonftrate ev'ry pore,
Where Mem'ry lays up all her ftore,
And to an inch compute the ftation
'Twixt judgment and imagination.
O, Friend! I could difplay much learning,
At least to men of fmall difcerning.
The brain contains ten thousand cells,
In each fome active fancy dwells,
Which always is at work, and framing
The fev'ral follies I was naming.
As in a hive's vimineous dome,
Ten thousand bees enjoy their home,
Each does her ftudious action vary,
Το go and come, to fetch and carry;
Each ftill renews her little labour,
Nor joftles her affiduous neighbour:
Each-Whilft this thefis I maintain,
I fancy, Dick, I know thy brain.
O, with the mighty theme affected,
Could I but fee thy head diffected!
My head, quoth Dick, to serve your whim?
Spare that, and take some other limb.
Sir, in your nice affairs of fyftem,
Wife men propose, but fools affift 'em.
Says Matthew, Richard, keep thy head,
And hold thy peace, and I'll proceed.
Proceed? quoth Dick, I do aver
You have already gone too far.
When people once are in the wrong,
Each line they add is much too long.
Who fafeft walks, but walks aftray,
Is only furtheft from his way.
Bless your conceits, mult I believe,
Howe'er abfurd, what you conceive,
And for your friendship live and die
A Papist in philosophy?
I fay, whatever you maintain,
Of Alma in the heart or brain,
The plainest man alive may tell ye
Her feat of empire is the belly;
From hence the fends out thofe fupplies
Which make us either ftout or wife:
The strength of ev'ry other member
Is founded on your belly-timber:
The qualms or raptures of
Rife in proportion to your food;
And if you would improve your thought
You must be fed as well as taught:
Your ftomach makes your fabric roll,
Just as the bias rules the bowl.
That great Achilles might employ
The ftrength defign'd to ruin Troy,
He din'd on lion's marrow, fpread
On toafts of ammunition-bread;
But by his mother fent away
Among the Thracian girls to play,
Effeminate he fate, and quiet;
Strange product of a cheesecake diet!
Now give my argument fair play,
And take the thing the other way,
The youngster who at nine and three
Drinks with his fifters milk and tea,
From breakfaft reads till twelve o'clock,
Burnet and Heylin, Hobbes and Locke;
pays due vifits after noon
To Coufin Alice and Uncle John;
At ten, from coffeehouse or play
Returning, finishes the day:
But give him port and potent fack,
From milkfop he starts up Mohack;
Holds that the happy know no hours;
So thro' the street at midnight fcours;
Breaks watchmen's heads and chairmen's glaffes,
And thence proceeds to nicking fashes,
Till by fome tougher hand o'ercome,
And first knock'd down, and then led home,
He damns the footman, strikes the maid,
And decently reels up to bed.
Obferve the various operations
Of food and drink in several nations,
Was ever Tartar fierce or cruel
Upon the strength of watergruel?
But who fhall ftand his rage and force,
If first he rides, then eats his horse?
Sallads, and eggs, and lighter fare,
Tune the Italian spark's guitar :
And, if I take Don Congreve right,
Pudding and beef made Britons fight.
Tokay and coffee caufe this work
Between the German and the Turk;
And both, as they provifions want,
Chicane, avoid, retire, and faint.
Hunger and thirst, or guns and fwords,
Give the fame death in diff'rent words.
To push this argument no further,
To ftarve a man in law is murther.
As in a watch's fine machine
Tho' many artful fprings are feen,
The added movements, which declare
How full the moon, how old the year,
Derive their fecondary pow'r
From that which fimply points the hour:
For tho' thofe gimcracks were away,
(Quare would not fwear, but Quare would fay) 265
However more reduc'd and plain,
The watch would ftill a watch remain;
|