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pleased with me in him. Jesus Christ came into my heart and affections as the chiefest among ten thousand, yea, the altogether lovely; and I had no doubt of being one of his people.
These precious visitations lasted with me for some months, during which time I had a very heaven upon earth; joy and gladness were found in my heart, thanksgiving, and the voice of melody. I came from the house of God oftentimes with scarcely a thought out of heaven, rejoicing in Jesus Christ as the God of my salvation. Instead of the law cursing and condemning me for disobedience when I read it, as it used to do, there was Christ at the end of it for righteousness to me. Instead of couscience cursing and condemning, there was a sweet peace, the blood of Jesus speaking better things than that of Abel. Instead of the devil accusing and condemning me for sin, he was silenced, and my guilt was gone. Instead of slavish and servile fear of death working in my heart, perfect love kept that out. Instead of God the Father appearing an angry judge and a consuming fire in his law, as he used to do, there was nothing now but love in the altogether lovely Jesus: and this experience is what I am sure will make the stubborn and flinty heart give way. For when, on the one hand, I looked at myself, and saw that I had been the most unworthy, and the very last that ever could have looked for or expected salvation; and, on the other hand, the great goodness and love of Jesus in dying for
such a wretch, and shedding abroad his redeeming love in such a heart as mine; the sight caused me to abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes, and to cry out, “Grace! Grace !' saying, “ To thy name, O Lord, be all the glory and praise."
I never before had such living as this; but, alas ! these things left me again, and the devil was inore violent than ever : he was sure that it was all a dėlusion; that he should have me again; that I was his child, and should never be saved, but must. perish at last. He got me to look within at myself; when, perceiving my corruption, the many evil thoughts that passed through my mind, the unholy desires and filthy lusts that were moving within ; a sight of these things caused unbelief to work, which brought in slavish fear, and a long train of doubts, that were followed by tormenting thoughts; and thus the devil dis· turbed my peace, and I drew many grievous conclusions that I could not surely be one of the Lord's elect; and oftentimes was ready to give all up for lost, thinking I never should be able either to hold on or hold out, but should one day perish in iny own corruptions. Yet now and then the Lord would be pleased to send me such a heavenly discourse, and silence all iny doubts and fears in such a manner with a sense of his love, that I really believed him to be my reconciled -Father still, and Jesus Christ to be my Saviour. Then again unbelief, doubts and fears would make
such head against me, as to bring all my former experience in question.
In this manner I lived for a long time a life of as complete chequer-work as ever any one did, deciding upon my state according to my frames and feelings, as if the Lord changed as often as they did. But now I am persuaded that he loved me from everlasting in his dearly beloved Son, otherwise be never would have shed abroad his love in my heart in time: and, as he has thus been pleased to give me a taste of it, so I believe that this his lovingkindness shall never be taken away from me, neither shall bis faithfulness and truth in the promise ever be permitted to fail. As he was pleased to choose his people freely, without any thing in them to merit his favour, so he will save them in Christ Jesus freely, with an everlasting salvation; and that he will give them not only grace here, but glory hereafter; that not one of them shall ever perish, neither shall any pluck them out of his hands; that they shall persevere in the Lord's strength, and not one ever totally and finally fall away; that, Jesus Christ being their head and husband, and they the purchase of his blood, his portion, and his hire, he will never lose one, but will raise them all up at the last day, so that not a hoof shall be left behind. And, furthermore, being all secured by the bond of an everlasting covenant, and the everlasting love of Father, Son, and Spirit, the threefold cord which cannot be broken, they must of conse
quence be saved, and brought safe home to glory; otherwise this cord would be broken, and the co.. venant agreement between the ever blessed Trinity be null and void. All that Christ died for must be saved, and none else can be, because there is salvation in no other. Though the Lord is pleased to will a thousand changes in us, yet he remains the unchangeable Jehovah—the same yesterday, to day, and for ever; he rests in his love to his people; and here it is that my poor soul finds, and ever desires to find, rest.
I have lately had such a revival of the work of grace upon my soul, and sermon after sermon has come with such a comforting and establishing power, as to silence all my doubts and fears; the ever blessed Spirit bearing witness in my heart and conscience that my record is on high. He hath also condescended to shine upou my path in such a manner as to enable me clearly to see that it was him, and him alone, that hath been with me from my mother's womb; that he has directed all my steps, and that he hath fixed the bounds of my habitation : and I may truly say, to the honour of his ever blessed name, that it was he who preserved me in Christ Jesus through all my sin and wickedness unto a future calling. Sparing and long-suffering mercy hath followed me all my days; and, though the time has been when I never expected to be saved, yet now I know, and am sure, that Jesus Christ doth receive sinners, and that he eateth with them still. And this I ever
will insist upon, as long as I live in the world, that of all sinners I am the very chief, and the very last that ever could have expected salvation; that it is by the free, sovereign, unmerited, unlooked for, undeserved, and unexpected grace of God, that I am what I am ; that it is by the same grace I have been enabled to continue unto this very day; that the same Almighty Power who began the work at first, and turned my heart from the love of sin to the love of God, hath kept me hitherto; and I am fully persuaded that he will keep me, through faith in Christ Jesus, still on in the way, until at last I shall receive the end of my faith, even the everlasting salvation of my soul, when faith shall be turned into sight, and hope into full enjoyment; old things are passed away with me, and, behold, all things are become new; for the very works, ways, and pursuits, I once delighted in, practised, and followed, I do now flee from, abhor, and detest. Jesus Christ is all in all in my heart; and I can appeal to him, as the self-existent Jehovah and the omniscient God, with Peter of old, and say, “ Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee," and that above every other object. Again; I am sure I can come up to John's standard, “ We know that we are passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren: for in my heart I sincerely love all those that love our Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity and truth, and do esteem them the only excellent of the earth.