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just if he condemned me, and would be glorified in doing it, for I had procured it all to myself; and that my mouth would be for ever stopped, for I was under a threefold condemnation-condemned by the law, condemned by the gospel, and by my own conscience. But here I felt it cut closest; the thoughts of being condemned by the gospel, which is in itself good news and glad tidings, and in which is revealed a Saviour, who I saw was every way sufficient and able to save me. But it all rested on the act of his sovereign will ; and whether that act would be put forth in mercy or in justice, I knew not. Here all legal hopes arc cut; no bottom in this dungeon. And this was the place where fovereign mercy took me up. About this time God, in his kind providence, sent you down to the King's dale. You were, by appointment, to spend a day at the G- , and I was invited to meet you there. My cafe, at that time, feemed to be desperate. I had been for some time in great fear of losing my rationality, and was sure it must take place, if God did not appear for me; and then I thought I should be left to curse and blafpheme all that was good. This cut me to the quick. I was truly miserable, and thought myself not fit for the society of any that feared the Lord. I thought, if they did but know my heart, they would spurn me, and especially such an old fervant of the Lord as I conceived you to be; for which reason I had a deal of pro and con in my
mind that morning whether to go or not. I wanted to hear your conversation, and others whom I knew were to be there; and glad fhould I be could I have been shut in a closet for that purpose. However, I at last concluded to go, but with this resolution, that I would by no means whatever open my mouth. You were almost a stranger to me, I having never been in your company but once before, nor ever had any conversation with you. When I came I found you there, with several others, at dinner, and I was placed next to you. Even this circumstance made my heart ready to burst within me. O, thought I, did you but know what a wretch I am, you would not endure me so near you! I did try to hide my face with my bonnet as much as I could. But you had not sat many minutes at dinner before you related a circumstance of a woman who was brought under convictions by your ministry, and who at last was quite deprived of her rationality, and was put into a mad-house ; and her husband said to you, “ You always said it was the work of God on her soul; but what can you say now?" You said to him in answer, “ And so I do now; and I believe, in God's time, she will be brought to her right. mind.” This account was, indeed, like fewel to that fiery temptation I was then under; and no sooner was the word out of your mouth, than my sensations were such as I cannot describe. I thought I even seemed as if I felt my senses going
from me. At this time, if I had had all the world given me, I could not have helped bursting into tears; they came indeed from the abundant grief · of my heart. You observed me, and turned to me very quick, and said to me, “ What do you weep for? Jesus Christ came into the world to fave sinners." I answered, “ If you knew my state, and what a wretch I am, you would not say to to me." You turned to me again, and said, “ What do you cry for?” I made no answer, being determined, if possible, to keep my resolution. You repeated it several times, but could draw no more from ine, till his Majesty's herald, who was prefent, faid, “ Sir, let her alone; perhaps she will tell you what the matter is by and by.” You then left off noticing me, and related a circumstance of a young woman who for fome time had attended your ministry, and who was brought into great distress of soul; one who, I found, frequently vifited you; and that she came to you one day, and faid, “ I am come to visit you for the last time, as it is of no use; all is over with me; there is no hope for me, I am certainly loft; I have neither strength nor power left, and sink I must.” You said to her, “ Well, girl; I see now your strength is gone, and you are brought to the place of promised deliverance; the work of stripping is done, there is nothing left; and I shall foon fee you again with a new song in your mouth.” These are the words, as near as they are brought to my
recollection at this time. She went from you, and I think, if I am not mistaken, it was but a few days after, as she was attending your ministry, that the Lord appeared for her, burst her bonds, and delivered her soul; and the next time you saw her she told you a better tale, as you had predicted. This account took off the edge of those feelings which were communicated by the other relation, as I thought I saw a near resemblance between her condition and mine. When you had related this, you turned to me again, and asked me the same question as before, to tell you what was the matter with me. I did then open my mouth, and told you it was on account of the hardness and rebellion I felt in my heart. You then ordered a glass of beer, and one for me, and said, “ Come, you and I will drink together." You asked me what I would drink to you. I answered, “ I can drink my kind love to you." You said, “ Can you, from your heart?” I said, “ Yes." You said, " What can you love me for? It must be for something of God which you find in me; for no soul can love me for God's sake, unless they are loved of God; for we are to be hated of all men for his name's sake.” And you added, “ As sure as the Lord liveth, so sure shall you and I sit down together in the kingdom of heaven.” That you should speak in such positive language to me, was very ftrange; neither could I credit you then. You then entered into conversation with me, and told
ine all my feelings, as if you had been privy to ali that had passed in my heart for three years back; and even some particular things which I had been exercised with but a few days before, which I knew none could know but God and myself; and which I had not mentioned even to the King's herald; therefore I know you could have no information of them from him. You came to me that day, as Christ came to the woman of Samaria, and told me all things that ever I did. And sent of God you was, I am well persuaded, by the blessed effects that followed. You had your commission from God to “ strengthen the weak hands, and to confirm the feeble knees;" for my soul was re- . freshed; and I received a confidence at that time that God would appear for me ; nor did I ever sink so low afterwards; and it was about a month after this that God was pleased to appear and deliver my foul. You said unto me, “ You shall not die in the pit, for in the pit I know you are.” I shall never forget this interview, nor the effects of it, as long as I have an existence.
When the Lord saw that my strength was gone, and that there was none Thut up or left, then he graciously appeared for me, and made the ministry of his excellency, by which I was alarmed and pulled down, the means of bringing me forth into the light and liberty of the children of God. The sermon was preached from these words: “ Thou hast chastened me fore, but thou hast not given