תמונות בעמוד

For, give that whipster but his errand,

Be to her virtues very kind; He takes my lord chief justice' warrant:

Be to her faults a little blind; Dauntless as Death, away he walks ;

Let all her ways be unconfin'd;
Breaks the doors open, snaps the locks;

And clap your padlock-on her mind."
Searches the parlour, chamber, study;
Nor stops till he has culprit's body,

“ Since this bas been authentic truth,
By age delivered down to youth;
Tell us, mistaken husband, tell us,

Why so mysterious, why so jealous ?
Does the restraint, the bclt, the bar,

Hans CARVEL, impotent and old,
Make us less curious her less fair?

Married a lass of London mold: The spy, which does this treasure kecp,

Handsome? enough; extremely gay: Does she ne'er say her prayers, nor sleep?

Lov'd music, company, and play: Does she to no excess incline?

High flights she had, and wit at will; Does she fly music, mirth, and wine?

And so her tongue lay sel om still : Or have not gold and flattery power

For, in all visits, who but she, To purchase one unguarded hour ?"

To argue, or to repartée? " Your care does further yet extend:

She made it plain, that human passion That spy is guarded by your friend.”—

Was order'd by predestination; “ But has this friend nor eye nor heart

That, if weak women went astray, May he not feel the cruel dart,

Th ir stars were inore in fault than they : Which, soon or late, all mortals feel?

Whole tragedies she had by heart; May he not, with too tender zcal,

Enter'd into Roxana's part: Give the fair prisoner cause to see,

To triumph in her rival's blood, How much he wishes she were free?

The action certainly was good. May he not craftily infer

“llow like a vine young Ammon curl'd ! The rules of friendship too severe,

Oh that dear conqueror of the world !” Which chain him to a hated trust;

She pitied Petterton in age, Which make him wretched, to be just ?

That ridicul d the god-like rage. And may not she, this darling she,

She, first of all the town, was told, Youthful and healthy, A sh and blood,

Where newest India things were sold: Easy with him, ill us'd by thee,

So in a morning, without bodice, Allow this logic to be good ?”

Slipt sometimes out to Mrs. Thody's; “Sir, will your questions never end?

To cheapen tea, to buy a screen: I trust to neither spy nor friend.

What else could so much virtue mean? In short, I keep her from the sight

For, to prevent the least reproach, Of every human face." "She'll write."

Betty went with her in the coach. “ From pen and paper she's debarr'd.”

But, when no very great affair “ Has she a bodkin and a card?

Excited her peculiar care,
She'll prick her mind."-" She will, you say : She, without fail, was wak'd at ten;
But how shall she that mind convey?

Drank chocolate, then slept again :
I keep her in one room : I lock it:

At twelve she rose; with much ado The key (look here) is in this pocket."

Her clothes were huddled on by two; The key - hole, is that left ?:-“ Most cer Then, “ Does my lady dine at home?" tain."

Yes, sure !" " But is the colonel come “ She'll thrust her letter through, sir Martin.”— Next, how to spend the afternoon,

“ Dear, angry friend, what must be done? And not come home again too soon; Is there no way? --" There is but one.

The change, the city, or the play, Send her abroad : and let her sce,

As each was proper for the day : That all this mingled mass, which she,

A turn, in summer, to Hyde-park, Being forbidden, longs to know,

When it grew tolerably dark. Is a dull farce, an empty show,

Wife's pleasure causes husband's pain: Powder, and pocket-glass, and beau;

Strange fancies come in Hans's brain: A staple of romance and lies,

He thought of what he did not name; False tears and real perjuries :

And would reform, but durst not blame. Where sighs and looks are bought and sold,

At first he therefore preach'd his wife And love is made but to be told:

The comforts of a pious life: Where the fat bawd and lavish heir

Told her, how transient beauty was; The spoils of ruin'd beauty share ;

That all must die, and flesh was grass : And youth, seduc'd from friends and fame,

He bought her sermons, psalms and graces, Must give up age to want and shame.

And doubled down the useful places. Let her behold the frantic scene,

But still the weight of worldly care The women wretched, false the men :

Allow'd her little time for prayer: And when, these certain ills to shun,

And Cleopatra was read o'er; She would to thy embraces run;

While Scot, and Wake, and twenty more, Receive her with extended arms,

That teach one to deny one's-self, Seem more delighted with her charms;

Stood unmolested on the shelf. Wait on her to the Park and play;

An untouch'd Bible grac'd her toilet: Put on good-humour; make her gay;

No fear that thumb of hers should spoil it

In short, the trade was still the same :

Appear'd to honest Hans again; The dame went out: the colonel came.

But not at all by madam seen: " What's to be done?” poor Carvel cry'd ; And, giving him a magic ring, " Another battery must be try'd :

Fit for the finger of a king; What if to spells I had recousse ?

“ Dear Hans," said he, “ this jewel take, Tis but to hinder something worse,

And wear it long for Satan's sake: The end must justify the means;

'T'will do your business to a hair : He only sins who ill intends :

For, long as you this ring shall wear, Since, therefore, 'tis to combat evil,

As sure as I look over Lincoln, 'Tis lawful to employ the Devil.”

That ne'er shall happen, which you think on.' Forthwith the Devil did appear,

Hans took the ring, with joy extreme, (For name him, and he's always near)

(All this was only in a dream) Not in the shape in which he plies

And, thrusting it beyond his joint, At miss's elbow when she lies;

“ 'Tis done,” he cry d: “ I've gain'd my point." Or stands before the nursery doors,

“What point,” said she, “ you ugly beast? To take the naughty boy that roars:

You neither give me joy nor rest."But, without sawcer-eye or claw,

“ 'Tis done."-"What's done, you drunken beard Like a grave barrister at law.

You've thrust your finger God knows where !" “ Hans Carvel, lay aside your grief," The Devil says; “ I bring relief.”" Relief !” says Hans : “ pray, let me crave Your name, sir?"-"Satan.”—“Sir, your slave; I did not look upon your feet:

A DUTCH PROVERB. You'll pardon me:-Aye, now I sec't:

“ FIRE, water, woman, are man's ruin," And pray, sir, when came you from Hell?

Says wise professor Vander Briin. Our friends there, did you leave them well?”

By flames a bouse I hir'd was lost “ All well; but pr’ythee, honest Hans,"

Last year: and I must pay the cost. Says Satan, “ leave your complaisance :

This spring the rains o'erflow'd my ground : The truth is this : I cannot stay

And my best Flanders mare was drown'de Flaring in sun shine all the day:

A slave I am to Clara's eyes: For, entre nous, we hellish sprites

The gipsy knows her power, and fjes. Love more the fresco of the nights;

Fire, water, woman, are my ruin: And oftener our receipts convey,

And great thy wisdom, Vander Brüin,
In dreams, than any other way.
I tell you, therefore, as a friend,
Ere morning dawns, your fears shall end :
Go then, this evening, master Carvel,
Lay down your fowls, and broach your barrel; PAULO PURGANTI AND HIS WIFE;
Let friends and wine dissolve your care;

Whilst I the great receipt prepare :
Tonight I'll bring it, by my faith!

Est enim quiddam, idque intelligitur in omni virBelieve for once what Satan saith.”

tute, quod deceat: quod cogitatione magis à Away went Hans: Glad? Not a little ;

virtute potest quàm re separari. Obey'd the Devil to a tittle;

Cic. de Off. I. i. Invited friends some half a dozen,

Beyond the fix'd and settled rules The colonel, and my lady's cousin.

Of vice and virtue in the schools, The meat was serv'd; the bowls were crown'd;

Beyond the letter of the law,
Catches were sung; and healths went round;

Which keeps our men and maids in awe,
Barbadoes waters for the close;
Till Hans bad fairly got his dose :

The better sort should set before 'em

A grace, a manner, a decorum;
The colonel toasted : To the best :'
The dame mov'd off, to be undrest:

Something, that gives their acts a light;
The chimes went twelve: the guests withdrew:

Makes them not only just, but bright; But when, or how, Hans hardly knew.

And sets them in that open fame, Some modern anecdotes aver,

Which witty Malice cannot blame. He nodded in his elbow-chair;

For 'tis in life, as 'tis in painting: From thence was carried off to bed:

Much may be right, yet much be wanting; John held his heels, and Nan his head,

From lines drawn true, our eye may trace My lady was disturb'd: new sorrow !

A foot, a knee, a hand, a face ; Which Hans must answer for to-morrow,

May justly own the picture wrought In bed then view this happy pair;

Exact to rule, exempt from fault: And think how Hymen triumph'd there.

Yet, if the colouring be not there, Hans fast asleep as soon as laid,

The Titian stroke, the Guido air; The duty of the night unpaid:

To nicest judgment show the piece, The waking dame, with thoughts opprest,

At best, 'twill only not displease: That made her hate both him and rest :

It would not gain on Jersey's eye; By such a hasband, such a wife!

Bradford would frown, and set it by. 'Twas Acme's and Septimius' life:

Thus, in the picture of our mind, The lady sighd: the lover snor'd:

The action may be well design'd;

Guided by law, and bound by duty; The punctual Devil kept his word:

Yet want this je ne sçai quoi of beauty:

And though its errour may be such,

Our Don, who knew this tittic-tattle As Knags and Burgess cannot hit;

Did, sure as trumpet, call to battle, It yet may feel the nicer touch

Thought it extremely à propos, Of Wicherley's or Congreve's wit.

To ward against the coming blow : " What is this talk?” replies a friend, . To ward: but how? Aye, there's the question; " And where will this dry moral end?

Fierce the assault, unarm'd the bastion. The truth of what you here lay down

The doctor feign'd a strange surprise: By some example should be shown."

He felt her pulse; he view'd her eyes: « With all my heart-for once; read on.

That beat too fast, these rollid too quick; An honest, but a simple pair

She was, he said, or would be sick: (And twenty other I forbear)

He judg'd it absolutely good, May serve to make this thesis clear."

That she should purge, and cleanse her blood. A doctor of great skill and fame,

Spa waters for that end were got: Paulo Purganti was his name,

If they past easily or not, Had a good, comely, virtuous wife;

What matters it the lady's fever No woman led a better life:

Continued violent as ever. She to intrigues was ev'n hard-hearted :

For a distemper of this kind, She chuckled when a bawd was carted;

(Blackmore and Hans are of my mind) And thought the nation ne'er would thrive,

If once it youthful blood infects, Till all the whores were burnt alive.

And chiefly of the female sex, On married men, that dar'd be bad,

Is scarce remov'd by pill or potion ; She thought no mercy should be had;

Whate'er might be our doctor's notion. They should be hang'd, or starv'd, or ficad,

One luckless night, then, as in bed Or serv'd like Roinish priests in Swede.

The doctor and the dame were laid; In short, all lewdness she defied : 1

Again this cruel fever came, And stiff was her parochial pride.

High pulse, short breath, and blood in flame. Yet, in an honest way, the dame

What measures shall poor Paulo keep Was a great lover of that same;

With madam in this piteous taking? And could from Scripture take her cue,

| She, like Macbeth, has murder'd sleep, That husbands should give wives their due.

And won't allow him rost, though waking. Her prudence did so justly steer

Sad state of matters! when we dare Between the gay and the severe,

Not ask for peace, nor offer war; That if, in some regards, she chose

Nor Livy nor Comines have shown To curb poor Paulo in too close ;

What in this juncture may be done. In others she relax'd again,

Grotius might own, that Paulo's case is And govern'd with a looser rein.

Harder than any which he places Thus though she strictly did confine

Amongst his Belli and his Pacis. The doctor from excess of wine:

He strove, alas! but strove in vain, With oysters, eggs, and vermicelli,

By dint of logic, to maintain She let him almost burst his belly:

That all the sex was born to grieve, Thus drying coffee was denied;

Down to her ladyship from Eve. But chocolate that loss supplied :

He ranged his tropes, and preach'd up pa. And for tobacco, (who could bear it?)

tience, Filthy concomitant of claret,

Back'd his opinion with quotations, (Blest revolution !) one might see

Divines and moralists; and run ye on Eringo roots, and Bohea tea.

Quite through from Seneca to Bunyan.
She often set the doctor's band,

As much in vain he bid her try
And strok'd his beard, and squeez'd his hand : To fold her arms, to close her eye;
Kindly complain'd, that after noon

Telling ber, rest would do her good,
He went to pore on books too soon:

If any thing in nature could : She held it wholesomer by much,

So held the Greeks, quite down from Galen, To rest a little on the couch :

Masters and princes of the calling: About his waist in bed a-nights

So all our modern friends inaintain She clung so close--for fear of sprites.

(Though no great Greeks) in Warwick-lane. The doctor understood the call;

Reduce, my Muse, the wandering song: But had not always wherewithal.

A tale should never be too long. The lion's skin too short, you know,

The more he talk'd, the more she burn'd, (As Plutarch's morals finely show)

And sigh’d, and tost, and groan'd, and turn'd: Was lengthen'd by the fox's tail;

At last, “I wish," said she, “my dear" And art supplies, where strength may fail. And whisper'd something in his ear. Unwilling then in arms to meet

“ You wish!-wish on," the doctor cries : The enemy she could not beat;

“ Lord! when will womankind be wise? He strove to lengthen the campaign,

What, in your waters?-are you mad? And save his forces by chicane.

Why poison is not half so bad. Fabius, the Roman chief, who thus

I'll do it-but I give you warning: By fair retreat grew Maximus,

You'll die before tomorrow morning." Shows us, that all that warrior can do,

'Tis kind, my dear, what you advise," With force inferior, is cunctando.

The lady, with a sigh, replies: One day, then, as the foc drew near,

“ But life, you know, at best, is pain; With love, and joy, and life, and dear;

And death is what we should disdain

So do it therefore, and adieu :
For I will die for love of you.-
Let wanton wives by Death be scard;
But, to my comfort, I'm prepar'd."


The sceptics think, 'twas long ago,
Since gods came down incognito,
To see who were their friends or foes,
And how our actions fell or rose :
That since they gave things their beginning,
And set this whirligig a-spinning,
Supine they in their Heaven remain,
Exempt from passion, and from pain :
And frankly leave us human elves,
To cut and shuftle for ourselves;
To stand or walk, to rise or tumble,
As inatter and as motion jurnble.

The poets now and painters hold
This thesis both absurd and bold :
And your good-natur'd gods, they say,
Descend some twice or thrice a-day:
Else all these things we toil so hard in
Would not avail one single farthing:
For, when the hero we rehearse,
To grace his actions and our verse;
'Tis not by dint of human thought,
That to his latiam he is brought;
Iris descends by Fate's commands,
To guide his steps through foreign landss
And Amphitrite clears the way
From rocks and quicksands in the sea.

And if you see himn in a sketch,
(Though drawn by Paulo or Carache)
He shows not half his force and strength,
Strutting in armour, and at length:
That he may make his proper figure,
The piece must yet be four yards bigger:
The nymples conduct him to the field;
One holds his sword, and one his shield;
Mars, standing by, asserts his quarrel;
And Farne flies after with a lanrel.

These points, I say, of speculation,
(As 'twere to save or sink the nation)
Blen idly learned will dispute,
Assert, object, confirın, refute :
Fach nighty angry, mighty right,
With equal arms sustain'd the fight;
'Till now no umpire can agree 'em :
So both draw off, and sing Te Deum

Is it in cquilibrio,
If deities descend or no?
Then let th' aifirinative prevail,
As requisite to forın my tale :
For by all parties 'tis confest,
That those opinions are the best,
Which in their nature most conduce
To present ends, and private use.

Two gods came therefore froin above,
Onc Mercury, the other Jove :
The burnour was, it seems, to know,
If all the favours they bestow
Could froin our own perverse'ness case us;
And if our wish, enjoy'd, would please us.
Discoursing largely on this theme,
O'er bills and dales their gudstips came ;

| Till, well nigh tir'd, at almost night,
They thought it proper to alight.

Note here, that it as true as odd is,
That in disguise a god or goddess
Exerts no supernatural powers;
But acts on maxims much like ours.
They spied at last a country farm,
Where all was snug, and clean, and warm;
For woods before, and bills behind,
Secur'd it both from rain and wind :
Large oxen in the field were lowing;
Good grain was sow'd; good fruit was growing:
Of last year's coro in barns great store ;
Fat turkeys gobbling at the door;
And Wealth, in short, with Peace consented,
That people here should live contented:
“ But did they in effect do so? "
“ Have patience, friend, and thou shalt know."

'The honest farmer and his wife,
To years declin'd from prime of life,
flad struggle with the marriage noose,
As almost every couple docs.

Sometimes, “My plague !" sometimes, “My dar-
Kissing to-day, to-morrow snarling,
Jointly submitting to endure
That evil, which admits no cure.
Our gods the outward gate unbarr'd :
Our farmer met them in the yard;
Thought they were folks that lost their way;
And ask'd them civilly to stay :
Told them, for supper, or for bed,
They inight go on, and be worse sped.

So said, so done; the gods consent :
All three into the parlour went:
They compliment; they sit ; they chat;
Fight o'er the wars; reform the state :
A thousand knotty points they clear,
Till supper and my wife appear.

Jove made his leg, and kiss'd the dame:
Obsequious Hermes did the same.
“ Jove kiss'd the farmer's wife !” you say.
" He did--but in an honest way:
Oh! not with half that warmth and life,
With which he kiss'd Amphitryon's wife.”

Well, then, things handsomely were serv'd:
My mistress for the strangers carv'd.
How strong the beer, how good the meat,
How loud they laugh'd, how much they eat,
In epic sumptuous would appear;
Yet shall be pass'd in silence here:
For I should grieve to have it said,
That, by a fine description led,
I made my episode too long,
Or tir'd iny friend, to grace my song.

The grace-cup serv'd, the cloth away,
Jove thought it time to show his play:
“ Landlord and landlady," he cried,
“ Folly and jesting laid aside,
That ye thus hospitably live,
And strangers with good chcer receive,
Is mighty grateful to your betters,
and makes e'en gods themselves your debtorse
To give this thesis plainer proof,
You have to-night beneath your roof

pair of gods, (nay, never wonder) "This youth can fly, and I can thunder. I'm Jupiter, and he Mercurius, My page, my son indeed, but spurious. Form then three wishes, you and madam; And sure as you already had 'em,


The things desir'd, in half an hour,

To those who, at the market-rale, Shall all be here, and in your power."

Can barter honour for estate. “ Thank you, great gods,” the woman says: Now, if thou giant'st me my requests “ Oh! may your altars ever blaze !

To make thy votary truly blest, A Ladle for our silver-dish

Let ctirst Revenge and saucy Pride Is what I want, is what I wish."

To some bleak rock far off be tied ; A Ladle !» cries the man, “a Ladle! . Nor e'er approach my rural seat, Odzooks, Corisca, you have pray'd ill;

To tempt me to be base and great. What should be great, you turn to farce;

And, goddess, this kind office done, I wish the Ladle in your a-".

Charge Venus to command her son With equal grief and shame, my Muse

(Where-ever else she lets him rove) The sequel of the tale pursues;

To shun my house, and field, and grove : The Ladle fell into the room,

Peace cannot dwell with Hate or Love. And stuck in old Corisca's bum.

Hear, gracious Rhéa, what I say:
Our couple weep two wishes past,

And thy petitioner shall pray.
And kindly join to form the last;
To ease the woman's aukward pain,
And get the Ladle out again.


This commoner hath worth and parts,
Is prais'd for arms, or lot'd for arts;

WHATE'ER thy countrymen have done,
His head aches for a coronet:

By law and wit, by sword and gun, And who is bless'd that is not great?

In thee is faithfuliy recited: Some sense, and more estate, kind Heaven And all the living world, that view To this well-lotted peer has given :

Thy work, give thee the praises due,
What then? He must have rule and sway;

At once instructed and delighted.
And all is wrong, till he's in play.
The miser must make up his plumb,

Yet, for the fame of all these deeds,
And dares not touch the hoarded sum;

What beggar in the Invalids, The sickly dotard wants a wife,

With lameness broke, with blindness smitteti, To draw off his last dregs of life.

Wish'd ever decently to die, Against our peace we arm our will:

To have been either Mezeray, Amidst our plenty, something still

Or any monarch he has written. For horses, houses, pictures, planting,

It's strange, dear author, yet it true is, To thee, to me, to him, is wanting.

That, down from Pharamund to Louis, The cruel something unpossess'd,

All covet life, yet call it pain ; Corrodes, and leavens all the rest.

All feel the ill, yet shun the cure: That something, if we could obtain,

Can sense this paradox endure? Would soon create a future pain :

Resolve me, Cambray or Fontaine.
And to the coffin, from the cradle,
'Tis all a wish, and all & Ladle.

The man, in graver tragic known,
(Though his best part long since was done)

Still on the stage desires to tarry :

And he, who play'd the Harlequin,

After the jest still loads the scene,

Unwilling to retire, though weary.
Of all that William rules, or Robe
Describes, great Rhéa, of thy globe ;
When or on post-horse, or in chaise,

With much expense, and little ease,

NOUVEAUX INTERETS DES PRINCES DE L'EUROPE. My destin'd miles I shall have gone, By Thames or Maese, by Po or Rhone,

Blest be the princes, who have fought And found no foot of earth my own;

For poinpous names, or wide dominion ; Great Mother, let me once be able

Since by their errour we are taught
To have a garden, house, and stable;

That happiness is but opinion ! .
That I may read, and ride, and plant,
Superior to desire or want;
And as health fails, and years increase,
Sit down and think, and die, in peace,
Oblige thy favourite undertakers

ADRIANI MORIENTIS AD ANIMAM To throw me in but twenty acres :

This number sure they may allow :
For pastures ten, and ten for plow :

ANIMULA, vagula, blandula, 'Tis all that I could wish or hope,

Hospes, comesque corporis, For me and John, and Nell and Crop.

Quæ nunc abibis in loca, Then, as thou wilt, dispose the rest

Pallidula, rigida, nudula? (And let not Fortune spoil the jest)

Nec, ut solcs, dabis jocan

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