Ch. 16. ⚫ am I no more weary of this Wearinefs? Why do I fo forget my refting Place? Up then, O my Soul, in thy moft raised and fervent Defires! Stay not till this Flesh can defire with thee; expect not that • Senfe fhould apprehend thy bleffed Object, and tell thee when and what to defire. Doth not the Dulnefs of thy Defires after Reft, accufe thee of most deteftable Ingratitude and Folly? Muft thy Lord procure thee a Reft at fo dear a Rate, and doft thou no more value it? Muft He go before to prepare fo glorious a Mansion for such a Wretch, and art thou loth to go and poffefs it? Shall the Lord of Glory be defirous of thy Company, and thou not defirous of His? Muft Earth become a very Hell to thee, ⚫ before thou art willing to be with God? Behold the most lovely Creature, or the moft defirable State, and tell me, where wouldft thou be, if not with God? Poverty is a Burthen; Riches a Snate; Sickness unpleafing; Health unfafe; the frowning World bruifes thy Heel; the fmiling World fings thee to the Heart; fo much as the World is loved and delighted in, it hurts and endangers the Lover; ⚫ and if it may not be loved, why fhould it be defired? If thou art applauded, it proves the moft contagious Breath; if thou art vilify'd, or unkindly ufed, methinks this fhould not entice thy Love. If thy fuc'cessful Labours, and thy godly Friends, feem better to thee than a Life with God, it is Time for God to take them from thee. If thy Studies have been fweet, have they not also been bitter? And, at belt, what are they to the everlafting Views of the God of Truth? Thy Friends here have been thy Delight; and have they not alfo been tay Vexa⚫tion and Grief? They are gracious, and are they not alfo finful? They are kind, and are they not foon difpleated? They are hun ble, but, alas, how

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proud alfo? Their Graces are (weet, and their Gifts helpful; but are not their Corruptions bitter, and their Imperfections hurtful? And art thou fo loth to go from them to thy God?'

§ 24.

O MY Soul, look above this World of Sorrows! Haft thou fo long felt the fmarting Rod ' of Affliction, and no better understood its Meaning? Is not every Stroke to drive thee hence? Is not its Voice like that to Elijah, what dost thou here? 'Doft thou forget thy Lord's Prediction, In the World ye fhall have Tribulation, in me ye may have Peace. Ah! my dear Lord, I feel thy Meaning; it is written in my Flefh, engraved in my Bones. My Heart thou áimeft at; thy Rod drives, thy filken Cord of Love draws; and all to bring it to thyfelf. Lord, Can fuch a Heart be worth thy having? Make it worthy, and then it is thine; take it to + thyfelf, and then take me. This Clod hath Life to

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ftir, but not to rife. As the feeble Child to the * tender Mother, it looketh up to thee, and ftretcheth out the Hands, and fain would have thee take it up. Tho' I cannot fay, my Soul longeth after thee; yet I can fay, I long for fuch a longing Heart. The Spirit is willing, the Flefb is weak. My Spirit cries, let thy Kingdom come, or let me come to thy Kingdom; but the Flesh is afraid thou 'fhouldft hear my Prayer, and take me at my Word. O bleffed be thy Grace, which makes Ufe of my Corruptions to kill themselves; for I fear my Fears, and forrow for my Sorrows, and long for greater Longings; and thus the painful Means of attaining my Defires increase my Wearinefs, and that makes groan to be at rest.”

me

$25. INDEED, Lord, my Soul itself is in a Strait, and what to chufe I know not; but thou knoweft what to give: To depart, and be with thee,

Ch. 16. ⚫ is far better. But to abide in the Flesh feems necdful. Thou knoweft I am not weary of thy Work, but of Sorrow and Sin; I am willing to ftay while thou wilt employ me, and difpatch the Work thou haft

into my Hands: But, I befeech thee, ftay no longer when this is done; and while I must be here, let me be ftill amending and afcending; make me ftill better, and take me at the beft. 1 dare not be fo impatient, as to importune thee to cut off my Time, and fnatch me hence unready; ⚫ because I know my everlafting State fo much depends on the Improvement of this Life. Nor 'would I stay when my Work is done; and remain here finning, while my Brethren are triumphing. < Thy Footsteps bruife this Worm, while thofe Stars fhine in the Firmament of Glory. Yet I am thy • Child as well as they; Chrift is my Head as well as theirs; why is there then fo great a Diftance? But I acknowledge the Equity of thy Ways; though we are all Children, yet I am the Prodigal, and therefore more fit in this remote Country to feed on Hufks, while they are always with thee, and poses thy 'Glory. They were once themselves in my Condition, and I fhall fhortly be in theirs. They were of the lowest Form, before they came to the higheft; they fuffered, before they reigned; they came out if great Tribulation, who are now before thy Throne; and fhall not I be content to come to the Crown as they did; and to drink of their Cup, before I fit • with them in the Kingdom? Lord, I am content to ftay thy Time, and go thy Way, fo thou wilt exalt me alfo in thy Seafon, and take me into thy Barn when thou feeft me ripe. In the mean Time I may defire, tho' I am not to repine; I may believe and wifh, tho' not make any finful Hafte: I am willing to wait for thee, but not to lofe thee; and

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when thou feeft me too contented with thine Abfence, then quicken my languid Defires, and blow up the dying Spark of Love; and leave me not till I am able unfeignedly to cry out, As the Hart panteth after the Water-Brooks, fo panteth my Soul after thee, O God. My Soul thirfteth for God, for the living God; when Shall I come and appear before God? My Converfation is in Heaven, from whence "I look for a Saviour. My Affections are fet on Things above, where Chrift fitteth, and my Life is hid. I walk by Faith, and not by Sight; willing rather to be abfent from the Body, and prefent with the Lord. $26. • WHAT Intereft hath this empty World ' in me; and what is there in it that may feem fo lovely, as to entice my Defires from my God, or make me loth to come away? Methinks, when I look upon it with a deliberate Eye, it is a howling • Wilderness, and too many of its Inhabitants are • untamed Monsters; I can view all its Beauty as • Deformity; and drown all its Pleafures in a few penitent Tears; or the Wind of a Sigh will scatter them away. O let not this Flesh fo feduce my Soul, as to make it prefer this weary Life before the Joys that are about thy Throne! And tho' Death itfelf be unwelcome to Nature, yet let thy Grace • make thy Glory appear to me fo defirable, that the King of Terrors may be the Meffenger of my Joy! Let not my Soul be ejected by Violence, and dif• poffeffed of its Habitation against its Will; but draw it to thyfelf by the fecret Power of thy Love, as the Sun-fhine in the Spring draws forth the Creatures from their Winter-Cells; meet it half Way, and entice it to thee, as the Load-Stone doth the Iron, and as the greater Flame attracts the lefs! • Difpel therefore the Clouds that hide thy Love from me; or remove the Scales that hinder mine Eyes

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Ch. 16. 'from beholding thee; for the Beams that fream from thy Face, and the Fore-tafte of thy great Salvation, and nothing elfe, can make a Soul unfeignedly fay, now let thy Servant depart in Prace! But it is not thy ordinary Difcoveries that will here fuffice; as the Work is greater, fo muft thy Help ⚫be. O turn thefe Fears into ftrong Defires, and this Lothness to die into Longings after thee! While I must be abfent from thee, let my Soul las heartily groan, as my Body doth under its Want of Health! If I have any more Time to fpend on Earth, let me live, as without the World, in thee, as I have fometime lived as without thee in the World! While I have a Thought to think, let me not for get thee; or a Tongue to move, let me mention thee with Delight; or a Breath to breathe, let it be ◄ after thee, and for thee; or a Knee to bend, let it daily bow at thy Footftool; and when by Sicknefs thou confinest me, do thou make

my Bed, • number my Pains, and put all my Tears into thy • Bottle!'

$27 As my Flesh defired what my Spirit abhorred, fo now let my Spirit defire that Day which my Flefh abhorreth; that my Friends may not with fo much Sorrow wait for the Departure of my Soul, as my Soul with Joy hall wait for its own Departure! Then let me die the Death of the Righ teous, and let my last End be like his; even a Removal to that Glory that shall never end! Then let thy Convoy of Angels bring my departing Soul among the perfected Spirits of the Just, and let me follow my dear Friends that have died in Chrift before me; and while my forrowing Friends are weeping over my Grave, let my Spirit be repofed with thee in Reft; and while my Corps fhall lie rotting in the Dark, let my Soul be in the Inheri

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