ANS CARVEL, impotent and old,
Married a lafs of London mould:
Handfome? enough; extremely gay:
Lov'd mufic, company, and play :
High flights fhe had, and wit at will;
And fo her tongue lay feldom ftill :
For in all vifits who but she,
To argue, or to repartée ?
She made it plain, that human paffion Was order'd by predestination;
That, if weak women went aftray,
Their ftars were mort in fault than they :
Whole tragedies she had by heart;
Enter'd into Roxana's paft:
To triumph in her rival blood,
The action certainly was good.
How like a vine young Ammon curl'd !
Oh that dear conqueror of the world !'
She pitied Betterton in age,
That ridicul'd the god-like rage.
She, first of all the town, was told,
Where newest India things were fold::
So in a morning, without bodice,
Slipt fometimes out to Mrs. Thody's ;
To cheapen tea, to buy a screen:
What elfe could fo much virtue mean?
For, to prevent the least reproach,
Betty went with her in the coach..
But, when no very great affair
Excited her peculiar care,
She without fail was wak'd at ten;
Drank chocolate, then flept again:
At twelve the rofe; with much ado
Her cloaths were huddled on by two;
Then, does my Lady dine at home?
Yes, fure! But is the Colonel come?
Next, how to spend the afternoon,
And not come home again too soon :
The Change, the City, or the Play,
As each was proper for the day :
A turn in fummer to Hyde-Park,
When it grew tolerably dark.
Wife's pleasure caufes husband's pain:
Strange fancies come in Hans's brain :
He thought of what he did not name;
And would reform, but durft not blame,
At first he therefore preach'd his wife
The comforts of a pious life:
Told her, how tranfient beauty was;
That all must die, and flesh was grass :
He bought her fermons, pfalms, and graces;
And doubled down the useful places.
But ftill the weight of worldly care
Allow'd her little time for prayer :
And Cleopatra was read o'er;
While Scot, and Wake, and twenty more,
That teach one to deny one's-felf,
Stood unmo'efted on the fhelf.
An untouch'd bible grac'd her toilet:
No fear that thumb of her's should spoil it.
In fhort, the trade was ftill the fame:
The Dame went out: the Colonel came.
What's to be done? poor Carvel cry'd :
Another battery must be try'd :
What if to fpells I had recourfe?
'Tis but to hinder something worse.
The end muft justify the means;
He only fins who ill intends :
Since therefore 'tis to combat evil;
'Tis lawful to employ the Devil.
Forthwith the Devil did appear
(For name him, and he 's always near)
Not in the shape in which he plies
At Mifs's elbow when the lies;
Or ftands before the nursery-doors,
To take the naughty boy that roars :
But, without fawcer-eye or claw,
Like a grave Barrister at Law.
Hans Carvel, lay afide your grief,
The Devil fays; 1 bring relief.
Relief! fays Hans: pray, let me crave
Your name, Sir-Satan-Sir, your flave;
I did not look upon your feet :
You'll pardon me :-Ay now I fee't:
And pray, Sir, when came you from Hell?
Our friends there, did you leave them well?
All well; but pr'ythee, honeft Hans,
(Says Satan) leave your complaifance:
The truth is this: I cannot ftay
Flaring in fun-fhine all the day:
For, entre nous, we hellifh fprites
Love more the frefco of the nights;
And oftener our receipts convey
In dreams, than any other way.
I tell you therefore as a friend,
Ere morning dawns, your fears shall end :
Go then this evening, mafter Carvel,
Lay down your fowls, and broach your barrel
Let friends and wine diffolve your care;
Whilst I the great receipt prepare :
To-night I'll bring it, by my faith!
Believe for once what Satan faith.
Away went Hans: glad? not a little
Obey'd the Devil to a tittle;
Invited friends fome half a dozen,
The Colonel and my Lady's coufin.
The meat was ferv'd; the bowls were crown'd;
Catches were fung; and healths went round;
Barbadoes waters for the close;
Till Hans had fairly got his dofe :
The Colonel toafted "to the best:"
The Dame mov'd off, to be undrest:
The chimes went twelve: the guests withdrew
But when, or how, Hans hardly knew.
Some modern anecdotes aver,
He nodded in his elbow-chair;
From thence was carried off to bed:
John held his heels, and Nan his head.
My Lady was disturb'd: new forrow!
Which Hans must answer for to-morrow.
In bed then view this happy pair;
And think how Hymen triumph'd there.
Hans faft afleep as foon as laid;
The duty of the night unpaid:
The waking Dame, with thoughts oppreft,
That made her hate both him and reft:
By such a husband, such a wife!
'Twas Acme's and Septimius' life:
The Lady figh'd: the Lover fnor'd :
The punctual Devil kept his word:
Appear'd to honeft Hans again;
But not at all by Madam seen
And giving him a magic ring,
Fit for the finger of a king;
Dear Hans, faid he, this jewel take,
And wear it long for Satan's sake :
'Twill do your business to a hair:
For, long as you this ring fhall wear,
As fure as I look over Lincoln,
That ne'er fhall happen which you think on,
Hans took the ring with joy extreme
(All this was only in a dream);
And, thrufting it beyond his joint,
'Tis done, he cry'd: I've gain'd my point.
What point, faid fhe, you ugly beaft?
You neither give me joy nor reft:
|