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For one may speak with Tully's tongue;
Yet all the while be in the wrong.
And 'tis remarkable, that they
Talk most, who have the least to fay.
Your dainty [peakers have the curse,
To plead bad causes down to worse :
As dames, who native beauty want,
Still uglier look, the more they paint.
Again : if in the female sex,
Alma should on this member fix :
(A cruel and a defp'rate case,
From which heav'n fhield my lovely lass !)
For evermore all care is vain,
That would bring Alma down again.
As in habitual gout, or ftone,
The only thing that can be done,
Is to correct your drink and diet,
And keep the inward foc in quiet :
So, if for any sin of ours,
Or our forefathers, higher powers,
Severe tho' juft, afflict our life
With that prime ill, a talking wife;
'Till death shall bring the kind relief:
We must be patient, or be deaf.
You know, a certain lady, Dick, Who saw me, when I last was sick, She kindly talk'd, at least three hours, Of Plastic forms, and Mental pow'rs : Describ'd our pre-existing station, Before this vile, terrene creation :' And left I should be weary'd, Madam, To cut things Maort, came down to Adam;
From whence, as fast as she was able,
She drowns the world, and builds up Babel :
Thro' Syria, Perfia, Greece she goes ;
And takes the Romans in the close.
But we'll descant on gen’ral nature:
This is a system, not a satire.
Turn we this globe ; and let us fee,
How diff'rent nations disagree,
In what we wear, or eat and drink;
Nay, Dick, perhaps in what we think.
In water as you smell and taste
The soils, thro' which it rose and past;
In Alma's manners you may read
The place where the was born and bred.
One people from their swadling bands
Releas'd their infants feet and hands :
Here Alma to these limbs was brought;
And Sparta's offspring kick'd and fought:
Another taught their babes to talk,
Ere they cou'd yet in goe-carts walk :
There Alma fettl'd in the tongue ;
And orators from Athens sprung.
Observe but in these neighb'ring lands,
The diff'rent use of mouths and hands :
As men repos'd their various hopes,
In battles there, and those in tropes.
In Britain's illes, as Heylin notes,
The ladies trip in petticoats ;
Which for the honour of their nation,
They quit but on some great occafion.
Men there in breeches olad you
view : They claim that garment, as their due,
In Turkey the reverse appeare:
Long coats the hąughty husband wears :
And greets his wife with angry fpeeches;
If she be seen without her breeches.
m our fantastic Climes the fair
With cleanly powder dry their hair :
And round their lovely breast and head
Freth flow'rs their mingled odong shed.
Your nicer Hottentotes think meet,
With guts and tripe to deck their feet's
With downcast looks on Totta's legs,
The ogling youth most humbly begs,
She would not from his hopes remove
At once his breakfast, and his love :
And if the skittish nymph should fly;
He in a double sense must die.
We fimple Toafters take delight
To see our women's teeth look white.
And ev'ry saucy ill-bred fellow-
Sneers at a mouth profoundly yellow
In China none hold women sweet,
Except their snags are black as jett.
King Chihu put nine queens to death,
Convict on ftatute, iv'ry teeth.
At Tonquin if a prince should die:
(As Jesuits write, who never lie)
The wife, and counsellor, and priest,
Who serv'd him moft, and lov'd him best;
Prepare, and light his fun'ral fire,
And chearful on the pile expire.
In Europe 'would be hard to find
In each degree one half so kind,
Now turn we to the farthest east,
And there observe the gentry drest;
Prince Giolo, and his royal fisters,
Scar'd with ten thousand comely blisters ;
The marks remaining on the skin,
To tell the quality within.
Distinguish'd flashes deck the great :
As each excells in birth, or ftate;
His oylet-holes are more, and ampler :
The king's own body was a sampler.
Happy the climate, where the beau
Wears the same fuit for use, and show
And at a small expence your wife,
If once well pink’d, is cloath'd for life.
Westward again the Indian fair
Is nicely smear'd with fat of bear :
Before you fee, you smell your toast :
And sweetest she, who stinks the moft.
The finest sparks, and cleanest Beaux
Drip from the shoulders to the toes.
How sleek their skins ! their joints how easy.?
There lovens only are not greasy.
I mention'd diff'rent ways of breeding:
Begin we in our children's reading.
To Master John the English maid
A horn-book gives of ginger-bread;
And that the child may learn the bettery,
As he can name, he eats the letter :
Proceeding thus with valt delight,
He spells, and gnaws, from left to right:
But shew a Hebrew's hopeful son,
Where we suppose the book begun;
The child would thank you for your kindness,
And read quite backward from our Finis:
Devour he learning ne'er so fast,
Great A would be reserv'd the last.
An equal instance of this matter,
Is in the manners of a daughter.
In Europe, if a harmless maid,
By nature and by love betray'd,
Should ere a wife become a nurse ;
Her friends would look on her the worse.
In China, Dampier's travels tell ye:
(Look in his index for Pagelli :).
Soon as the British ships unmoore;
And jolly long-boat rows to Ihore;-
Down come the nobles of the land :
Each brings his daughter in his hand,
Beseeching the imperious tar
To make her but one hour his care:
The tender mother stands affrighted,
Left her dear daughter should be slighted.
And poor Miss Yaya dreads the fhaine.
Of going back the maid she came.
Observe how custom, Dick, compelle-
The lady that in Europe dwells ;
After her tea she flips away;
And what to do, one need not say.
Now fee great Pomonque's queen
Be hav'd herself among the men:
Pleas’d with her punch, the gallant soul
First drank, then water'd in the bowl,
And sprinkld in the captain's face
The marks of her peculiar grace-