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'Squire (interrupted Dick) since when. Were you amongst these cunning men ?
Dear Dick, quoth Mat. let not thy force
Of Eloquence spoil my discourse.
I tell thee, this is Alma's cafe,
Still asking, wbat some wife-man says,
Who does his mind in words reveal,
Which all must grant; though few can spell.
You tell your doctor, that y'are ill:
And what does he but write a bill,
Of which you need not read one letter ?
The worse the scrawl, the dose the better.
For if you knew but what you take;
Though you recover, he must break.
Ideas, forms, and intellects
Have furnish'd out three diff'rent fects.
Substance, or Accidents divides
All Europe into adverse fides.
Now, as engag'd in arms or laws,
You must have friends to back your cause :
In Philofophic matters so
Your judgment must with others go.
For as in senates, fo in schools,
Majority of voices rules.
Poor Alma, like a lonely deer,
O'er hills and dales does doubtful orr :
With panting hafte, and quick surprize,
From ev'ry leaf that ftirs, the flies :
'Till mingl'd with the neighb'ring herd,
She flights what erft fhe fingly fear'd,
And now, exempt from doubt and dread,
She dares pursue ; if they dare lead :
As their example still prevails ;
She tempts the stream, or leaps the pales.
He then, quoth Dick, who by your rule.
Thinks for himself, becomes a fool.
As party-man who leaves the rest;
Is call’d but whimsical at best.
Now, by your favour, Master Mat,
Like Ralpho, here I smell a rat.
I must be listed in your sect;
Who, though they teach not, can protecto
Right, Richard, Mat. in triumph cry'd:
So put off all mistrust and pride.
And while my principles I beg,
Pray answer only with your leg.
Believe what friendly I advise :
Be first fecure; and then be wise,
The man within the coach that fits,
And to another's skill fubmits,
Is safer much (whate'er arrives)
And warmer too, than he that drives.
So, Dick Adept, tuck back thy hair ;
And I will pour into thy car
Remarks, which none did e'er disclose,
In smooth-pac'd verse, or hobling prose.
Attend, dear Dick; but don't reply:
And thou may'it prove as wise as I.
When Alma now in diff'rent ages,
Has finish'd her ascending stages;
Into the head at length the gets,
And there in public grandeur Gts,
To judge of things, and sensure wits.
Here, Richard, how could I explaing.
The various lab'rinths of the brain ?
Surprise my readers, whilft I tell 'em
Of Cerebrum, and Cerebrellum?
How could I play the commentator
On Dura, and on Pia Mater?
Where hot and cold, and dry and wet,
Strive each the other's place to get ;
And with inceffant toil and strife,
Would keep poffeffion during life.
I could demonstrate every pore,
Where mem'ry lays up all her store;
And to an inch compute the station,
Twixt judgment, and imagination.
O friend! I could display much learning,
At least to men of small discerning.
The brain contains ten thousand celle :
In cach some active faney dwells ;
Which always is at work, and framing
The several follies I was naming,
As in a hive's vimineous dome,
Ten thousand bees enjoy their home;
Each does her studious action vary,
To go and come, to fetch and carry :
Each still renews, her little labour;
Nor juftles her affiduous neighbour :
Each-whilst this Thefis I maintain ;
I fancy, Dick, I know thy brain.
O with the mighty Theme-affected,
Could I but fee thy head dissected!
My head, quoth Dick, to serve your whim? Spare that, and take some other limb.
Sir, in your nice affairs of System,
Wise men propose ; but fools aslift 'em.
Says Matthew:: Richard, keep thy head;
And hold thy peace; and I'll proceed.
Proceed? quoth Dick: Sir, I aver,
You have already gone too far.
When people once are in the wrong ;.
Each line they add, is much too long.
Who fastest walks, but walks astray,
Is only furthest from his way.
Bless your conceits ! must I believe,
Howe'er absurd, what you conceive :
And, for your friendship, live and die
A Papist in philosophy ?
I say, whatever you maintain
Of Alma in the heart, or brain,
The plainest man alive may tell ye,
Her seat of empire is the belly :
From hence the fends out those supplies,
Which makes us either stout or wise :
The strength of ev'ry other member,
Is founded on your belly timber :
The qualms or raprures of your blood
Rise in proportion to your food:
And if you would improve your thought,
You must be fed, as well as taught.
Your stomach makes your fabric roll;
Just as the bias rules the bowl.
That great Achilles might employ
The strength design’d to ruin Trog:
He din!d on hion's marrow, spread
On toasts of ammunition bread :
But by his mother sent away,
Amongst the Thracian girls to play,
Effeminate he fat and quiet:
Strange product of a cheese-cake diet!
Now give my argument fair play ;
And take the thing the other way :
The youngster, who at nine and three
Drinks with his sisters milk and tea,
From breakfast reads 'till twelve a clock,
Burnet and Heylin, Hobbes and Locke z
He pays due visits after noon
To cousin Alice, and Uncle John :
At ten from coffeehoufe or play
Returning, finishes the day..
But give him Port, and potent Sack ;
From Milk-fop he starts up Mohack :
Holds that the happy know no hours :
So through the street at midnight (cours :
Breaks watchmen's heads, and chairmen's glaffesz
And thence proceeds to nicking fathes :
Till by some tougher hand o'ercome,
And first knock'd down, and then led homes
He damns the footman, ftrikes the maid,
And decently reels up to bed.
Observe the various operations
Of food, and drink in several nations.
Was ever Tartar fierce or cruel,
Upon the strength of water gruel ?
But who shall stand his rage and forces
If first he rides, then cats his borse ?
Sallads, and eggs, and lighter fare
Tune the Italian spark's guitar.