this Style that Tacitus talks like a Coffce-house Politician, Jofephus like the British Gazetteer, Tully is as fhort and as fmart as Seneca or Mr. Afgill, Marcus Aurelius is excellent at Snipfnap, and honest Thomas à Kempis as Prim and Polite as any preacher at court.

3. The ALAMODE Style,

which is fine by being new, and has this happinefs attending it, that it is as durable and extenfive as the poem itself. itfelf. Take fome examples of it, in the defcription of the Sun in a Mourning coach the death of Queen Mary.

upon

See Phœbus now, as once for Phaeton,

Has mafk'd his face, and put deep Mourning on;
Dark clouds his fable Chariot do furround,
And the dull Steeds ftalk o'er the melancholy
round.

Of Prince Arthur's Soldiers drinking.

Whilerich Burgundian wine, and bright Champaign

Chafe from their minds the terrors of the main.

(whence we alfo learn, that Burgundy and Champaign make a man on fhore defpife a ftorm at fea.) Of the Almighty encamping his Regiments. He funk a vast capacious deep,

Where he his liquid Regiments does keep,

• Amb. Philips.

Blackm. Pf. civ. p. 261.

P Pr. Arthur, p. 16.

Thither the waves file off, and make their way,
To form the mighty body of the fea;

Where they encamp, and in their station ftand.
Entrench'd in Works of Rock, and Lines of
Sand.

Of two Armies on the point of engaging.
Yon armies are the Cards which both must play;
At least come off a Saver if you may:
Throw boldly at the Sum the Gods have fet;
Thefe on your fide will all their fortunes bet.

All perfectly agreeable to the present Customs and best Fashions of our Metropolis.

But the principal branch of the Alamode is the PRURIENT, a Style greatly advanced and honoured of late by the practice of Persons of the firft Quality; and by the encouragement of the Ladies, not unfuccessfully introduced even into the Drawing-room. Indeed its incredible Progrefs and Conquefts may be compared to those of the great Sefoftris, and are every where known by the fame Marks, the images of the genital parts of men or women. It confifts wholly of metaphors drawn from two most fruitful sources or fprings, the very Bathos of the human body, that is to fay * ** and * Hiatus

magnus lachrymabilis. *

*

** *

And felling of Bargains, and double Entendre, and Κιβέρισμος and Ὀλδριέλδισμος, all derived from the faid fources.

Lee, Sophon.

4. The FINICAL Style,

which confifts of the most curious, affected, inincing metaphors, and partakes of the alamode.

S

τ

X

As this, of a Brook dry'd by the Sun.

• Won by the fummer's importuning ray,
Th' eloping ftream did from her channel tray,
And with enticing fun-beams stole away.

Of an easy Death.

When watchful death fhall on his harvest look,
And fee thee ripe with age, invite the book;
He'll gently cut thy bending Stalk, and thee
Lay kindly in the Grave, his Granary.

Of Trees in a Storm.

Oaks whofe extended arms the winds defy,
The tempeft fees their ftrength, and fighs, and
paffes by.

Of Water fimmering over the Fire.

The fparkling flames raife water to a Smile,
Yet the pleas'd liquor pines, and lessens all the while.

5. LASTLY, I fhall place the CUMBROUS, which moves heavily under a load of metaphors, and draws after it a long train of words. And the BUSKIN, or Stately, frequently and with great felicity mixed with the former. For as the first is the proper engine to depress what is

Blackm. Job, p. 26.

" Denn.

t Ibid. p. 23.
* Anon. Tonf. Mifc. Part vi. p. 224.

high, fo is the second to raise what is bafe and low to a ridiculous Vifibility: When both thefe can be done at once, then is the Bathos in perfection; as when a man is fet with his head downward, and his breech upright, his degradation is compleat: One end of him is as high as ever, only that end is the wrong one. Will not every true lover of the Profund be delighted to behold the most vulgar and low actions of life exalted in the following manner?

Who knocks at the Door?

For whom thus rudely pleads my loud-tongu'd gate,
That he may enter?.

W

See who is there?

Advance the fringed curtains of thy eyes,
And tell me who comes yonder.

Shut the Door.

The wooden guardian of our privacy
Quick on its axle turn.-

Bring my Cloaths.

Bring me what Nature, taylor to the Bear,
To Man himself deny'd: She gave me Cold,
But would not give me Cloaths.-

Light the Fire.

Bring forth fome remnant of Promethean theft,
Quick to expand th' inclement air congeal'd
By Boreas' rude breath.

w Temp.

x

Snuff the Candle.

Yon Luminary amputation needs,
Thus fhall you fave its half-extinguish'd life.
Open the Letter.

Wax! render up thy trust.—

Uncork the Bottle, and chip the Bread.
Apply thine engine to the fpungy door,
Set Bacchus from his glaffy prifon free,
And ftrip white Ceres of ber nut-brown coat.

CHA P. XIII.

A Project for the Advancement of the

TH

Bathos.

HUS have I (my dear Countrymen) with incredible pains and diligence, difcovered the hidden fources of the Bathos, or, as I may

fay, broke open the Abyffes of this Great Deep. And having now established good and wholefome Laws, what remains but that all true moderns with their utmost might do proceed to put the fame in execution? In order whereto, I think I fhall in the second place highly deserve of my Country, by propofing fuch a Scheme, as may facilitate this great end.

Theob. Double Falfhood.