dogs, and horses, and men to catch a fox -and they do not always catch it thenthe cratur whiles gets away. "But lo and behold! here we have one single man all by himself catching 300 of them. Now, how did he do it?-that's the pint, and at first sight it looks a gey and kittle pint. But it's no sae kittle as it looks, my freens. We are told in the Scriptures that Samson was the strongest man that ever lived, but although we are told this, we are not told that he was a great runner. But if he catches these 300 foxes he must have been a great runner, an awfu' runner, in fact the greatest runner that ever was born. But, my freens —and here's the eloocidation o' the maitter-you'll please bear this in mind, that although we are not told he was the greatest runner that ever lived, still we're not told that he wasna; and, therefore, I contend that we have a perfect right to assume, by all the laws of logic and scientific discovery, that he was the fastest runner that ever was born, and that was how he catched the 300 foxes. But after we get rid of this difficulty, my freens, another crops up-after he catched the 300 foxes, how did he manage to keep them all together? This looks almost as kittle a pint as the other; to some it might look even kittler. Now, in the first place, bear in mind it was foxes that Samson catched. We do not catch foxes as a general rule in the streets o' a toon; therefore, it's mair than probable he catched them in the country, an that he bided at a farmhouse where there was a barn, and as he catched his foxes one by one he stapped them into the barn and steekit the door, and locked it. Here we overcome the second stumbling-block; but no sooner have we done that than a third rock of offence loups up to tickle us. After he had catched his foxes-after he had got them all snug in the barn under lock and key-how in the world did he tie their tails together? There's a tickler. You or me couldna tie two of their tails together, let alone 300 of them, for not to speak about the beasties girnin' an' bitin' us all the time we were tyin' them, the tails themselves are not long enough. How then was Samson able to tie them all? Ah! that's the question, and it's aboot the kittlest pint you or me have ever had to eloocidate. Now, my freens, I maun tell ye that there are learned men who have written books o' foreign travel, and we can read their books. Among other places, some of these learned men have travelled into Canaan, and some into Palestine, and some few into the Holy Land, and these last mentioned travellers tell us that in these Eastern and Oriental climes the foxes there are a totally different breed o' cattle altogether from our foxes-that they're great big beasts; and what's the most astonishing thing about them, and what helps to explain this wonderful feat of Samson's is, that they've all got extraordinary long tails; in fact, these Eastern travellers tell us that these foxes' tails are forty feet long." (Sandy whistles.) (Minister pulls up)" At the same time I ought to mention that there are other travellers, and later ones than the ones I have just been speaking about, and they say this statement is on the whole rather an exaggeration, and that the foxes' tails are never more than twenty feet long." (Sandy whistles.) (Minister annoyed)-" Before I leave the subject altogether, my freens, I may just add that there has been a considerable diversity o' opinion about the length o' these animals' tails, so the question has come to be regarded as a moot pint. One man, ye see, says one thing, and another another, and I've spent a good lot o' learned research, in the matter mysel', and after examinin' one authority and another authority, and putting one against the other, I have come to the conclusion that these foxes' tails on an average are seldom more than ten feet long." (Sandy whistles.) (Minister, losing all patience)-"Sandy M'Donald! I'll no tak' anither inch aff thae beasts' tails gin ye whustle to the day o' judgment." THE HAUNCH OF VENISON. At Number One dwelt Captain Drew, George Benson dwelt at Number Two (The street we'll not now mention) The latter stunned the King's Bench bar, The former being lamed in war, Lived snug upon a pension. Tom Blewit knew them both-than he Of culinary knowledge;" |