up stairs, and Dick fell to, while his aunt | sense, and make it up with Maria. Why, looked upon him with mingled interest I meant no harm,-did I? and you shall and curiosity.

"Oh, aunt!" said he, taking another draught at the stout, "I've gone through such things to-night as a book might be written about. I'm so precious done up! Why do people pray in their hats when they first get into church? That they may always have somewhere to put their heads into, I suppose." (Dick had heard this before.) "But sha'n't I pray in my night-cap before I get into bed,—that's all!"

Dick now recounted his adventures, softening down such details as might haply tell to his own disadvantage, and suffering his aunt to draw off Uncle Reddish's ring, which she did while he was

have your money back as soon as the nuptials are solomonized."

Solomonized"repeated the aunt several times slowly, lighting a chamber candlestick, placing it in his hand, and giving him a gentle thrust at the skruff of the neck towards the door. "Solomonized! when you're married, Richard, there'll be very little of Solomon in the business."

And Dick sneaked up to bed, wondering what on earth his Aunt Reddish could mean by such a speech as that.

CHARLES WHITEHEAD.

in the middle of the hackney-coach scene. LODGINGS FOR SINGLE GENTLE"And you've spent all your money, have you?" asked the aunt when he had concluded.

"Every fraction. Six or seven bob," said Dick to whom the stout had given new life.

"Ah! you're very young and foolish, my boy. You've suffered a good deal tonight; but if you'd read the letter (I've broken it open-here it is), you'd have been spared the last trial. I was in hopes you had made it up with Mr. Garton; and have been sitting on thorns all the while you 've been away. But now, just give me back those four sovereigns, that's a good lad; for you 're not fit to be trusted with money,-indeed, you 're not."

"Ain't I though? "cried Dick with animation, and he drew out with a flourish, and slapped upon the table four bright yellow medals, bearing the date of 1837, and commemorative of the accession of her Majesty to the throne of these

realms.

At this miserable spectacle the eyes of poor Aunt Reddish assumed the orbicufar form, with a kind of fish-like projection; but the direful metamorphosis of her nephew's visage caused her to bury her particular grief in silence, and to bestow her best care upon Dick, who, shaking his shoulders, and kicking out his legs, went forthwith into hysterics.

MEN.

WHO has e'er been in London, that overgrown place,

66

Has seen Lodgings to let " stare him full in the face;

Some

Are

Will

are good, and let dearly; whilst some, 't is well known,

so dear, and so bad, they are best let

Hired

alone.

Waddle, whose temper was studious and lonely,

lodgings that took single gentlemen
only;

But Will was so fat, he appeared like a ton,
Or like two single gentlemen roll'd into one.

He entered his rooms, and to bed he re-
treated,

But, all the night long, he felt fevered and heated;

And, though heavy to weigh as a score of

fat sheep,

He was not, by any means, heavy to sleep.
Next night 't was the same. And the next.

He

And the next:

perspired like an ox; he was nervous and vex'd;

Week

pass'd after week; till, by weekly succession,

His weakly condition was past all expres

sion.

"That prig it was that boned 'em!" said he, when he came to himself; but it In six months, his acquaintance began was long ere he would be comforted.

much to doubt him,

At length an idea struck him. "I'll For his skin, like a lady's loose gown, hung get Prater to swear it was all his non

about him.

broke into the cellar and actually stole the pig. When the owner arose the next morning, quietly rehearsing the lie with which he meant to delude and defraud his generous neighbors, he went directly to take a look at the precious pig which was to be all his own. Imagine his consternation and chagrin on discovering that his lie was of no use to him,-had been superseded, as it were, by the truth: -the pig was gone, conveyed, abstracted, stolen. No language can do justice to his feelings.

66

"I vill gif you fifty dollars for it,' says the soldier, pulling his money out. "I dells him I don't can sell it, because it vas n't mine.

"I vill gif you a hundred dollars,' he said.

In the course of the day his knavish friend dropped in, casually, to inquire how the plan was working. Said the afflicted man, in solemn tones, "I might "Den he offers me von hundred und have spared myself all the trouble: the dwenty-five dollars. My g-r-r-acious, pig is really gone,-stolen." "Good," Herman, I vants to sell de bugle so bad said the other, slyly winking, "that's the dat I vistles! De soldier dells me vile dey idea." "No," continued the mourner, vos leaving de store dot if I buy de bugle still more solemnly, "I'm in earnest; from de man vot owns it, dey vill give me the pig's gone;-it's actually stolen." von hundred und dwenty-five dollars for "Good," cried the rogue, again winking; it. I dell dem I vill do it. I sees a "Stick to that-you have the idea, it's chance, you know, Herman, to make bound to work;—and with another cun- some money by de oberation. ning leer he said, "good-day," and withdrew, leaving his wretched dupe to chew at leisure the "cud of bitter fancy."

PAYING DEAR FOR HIS BUGLE.

"MR. HOFFENSTEIN," said Herman, as he folded up a pair of pants and placed them on a pile, "if you don't haf any objections, I vould like to get from de store avay von efening und go mit de soldiers to de Spanish fort."

"Vell, Herman, I dinks you had better keep away from de soldiers," replied Hoffenstein, " und stay mit de store, because, you know, you don't can put any dependence mit de soldiers. I vill dell you vhy.

"Von day vile I vas in Vicksburg, during de var, a cock-eyed soldier came in my store mit an old bugle in his hand, und he looks around. I asks him vat he vants, und he buys a couple of undershirts; den he tells me to keep his bundle und de bugle behind de counter until he comes back. Afder de soldier vent de store out, some more come in und valk around, vile dey look at de goods.

Shentlemen,' I says, do you vant anyding?'

"Ven de cock-eyed soldier comes in, he says:

to

"Git me my bundle und bugle; I got
go
to de camp.'

I says, 'My frent, don't you vant to sell your bugle?'

"He dells me 'No;' und I says: "My little boy Leopold, vot plays in de store, sees de bugle, und he goes all around crying shust as loud as he can, because he don't can get it. Six times I dakes him in the yard und vips him, und he comes right back und cries for de bugle. It shows, you know, how much drouble a man vill haf mit a family. I vill gif you ten dollars for it shust to please little Leopold.'

"De soldier vont dake it, und at last I offers him fifty dollars, und he says:

"Vell, I vill dake fifty, because I can't vaste any more time; I haf to go to de camp.'

"Afder he goes avay, I goes to do door und vatches for de soldiers vot vant de bugle. I sees dem passing along de street, und I says:

"My frents, I have got de bugle;' und dey says:

Vell, vy don't you blow it?'

My gr-r-acious, Herman, vot you dink? All dem soldiers belong to de same crowd, und dey make de trick to svindle

A FROSTY SATURDAY NIGHT.

THE weather suddenly turned into a freezing rain, Saturday evening. While the change was progressing, several people were in the library selecting mental pabulum for over Sunday. The rain fell silently and froze thoroughly, and in a very short time the walk which leads down from the library building to the street was a glare of ice. The first person who appeared at the door was a young lady with a volume of Tennyson hugged up to her. She tripped lightly down from the step, saying audibly"Even a wild moor with love, my heart-" Then she got up, recovered her muff and book, looked apprehensively about to see who was in view, and then hastened home, without quoting another line. She had scarcely cleared the walk when a tall man, with a work on botany, emerged from the door. The instant he stepped on the walk he said: "Holy cryptogamus!" and crawled off into the snow on his hands and knees, and recovered the volume, which remained on the walk, by the aid of his cape. Following him were two large men. One of them had the autobiography of John B. Gough. They both stepped on the walk together. The Gough man was just saying: "I am confident that the downfall of men is to be attributed to rum-" Two conspicuous exceptions to his belief were immediately made manifest. The Gough man in going down had sufficient presence of mind to catch hold of his fellow, and both being heavy men they went the whole length of the walk, clawing and kicking each other all the distance. The Gough man got on his feet and put off in one direction, and the other man got on his feet and sloped at once in an opposite direction. And man with a book descriptive of the Holy while they were doing this a tall, spare Land, put his foot on the walk, then shook it at the heavens, and met the pavement with the simple ejaculationThe debris of this wreck was no more than cleared away when a very stout man, with a florid countenance, and a copy of Tyndall in his hand, came out. He was saying to himself "We have now got down to the

NOTHING is so discouraging to a young lawyer just as he waxes eloquent about angels' tears, weeping willows and tombstones, as to be interrupted by the coldblooded justice with, "You're off your Jerusalem !" nest, bub; this is a case of hog-stealing." A CONTEMPORARY says of a very prominent militia general, that "his sword was never drawn but once,-and then in a raffle."

tongue ready; an' when he out wi' his speech at last, there's little broth to be made on 't. It's your dead chicks take the longest hatchin'. Howiver, I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men."

base-sho-whoop!" And was down there. | catch 'em by the tail. I can count a It was a terrible but brief struggle. There stocking-top while a man's getting's was a shooting of legs, a waving of arms, and a spasmodic wriggle of the body, and the base was reached. And for two minutes he sat there, feeling around for an under set of false teeth, and swearing like a pirate. The next morning was the Sabbath, a bright, quiet, sunshiny morn, and the son of the librarian went out on the walk, and in a very few minutes had accumulated a book-cover, a set of false teeth, three gloves, a handkerchief, and a good-sized handful of hairpins. These articles are now at the library awaiting identification.-Danbury News.

DIALOGUE ON MATRIMONY.

"WHAT!" said Bartle, with an air of disgust. "Was there a woman concerned? Then I give you up, Adam."

"But it's a woman you'n spoke well on, Bartle," said Mr. Poyser. Come, now, you canna draw back; you said once as women wouldna ha' been a bad invention if they'd all been like Dinah."

"I meant her voice, man- -I meant her voice, that was all," said Bartle. "I can bear to hear her speak without wanting to put wool in my ears. As for other things, I daresay she's like the rest o' the women-thinks two and two 'll come to five, if she cries and bothers enough about

it."

"Ay, ay!" said Mrs. Poyser; one 'ud think, an' hear some folk talk, as the men were 'cute enough to count the corns in a bag o' wheat wi' only smelling at it. They can see through a barn-door, they can. Perhaps that's the reason they can see so little o' this side on 't."

Martin Poyser shook with delighted laughter, and winked at Adam, as much as to say the schoolmaster was in for it

now.

"Ah;" said Bartle sneeringly, "the women are quick enough-they're quick enough. They know the rights of a story before they hear it, and can tell a man what his thoughts are before he knows 'em himself."

"Like enough," said, Mrs. Poyser; "for the men are mostly so slow, their thoughts overrun 'em, an' they can only

66

Match!" said Bartle; ay, as vinegar matches one's teeth. If a man says a word his wife 'll match it with a contradiction; if he's a mind for hot meat, his wife 'll match it with cold bacon; if he laughs, she'll match him with whimpering. She's such a match as the horse-fly is to th' horse: she's got the right venom to sting him with the right venom to sting him with."

Yes," said Mrs. Poyser, "I know what the men like a poor soft, as 'ud simper at 'em like the pictur o' the sun, whether they did right or wrong, an' say thank you for a kick, an' pretend she didna know which end she stood uppermost, till her husband told her. That's what a man wants in a wife, mostly: he wants to make sure o' one fool as 'll tell him he's wise. But there's some men can do wi'out that they think so much o' themselves a'ready-an' that's how it is there's old bachelors."

66

"Come, Craig," said Mr. Poyser jocosely, you mun get married pretty quick, else you 'll be set down for an old bachelor; an' you see what the women 'ull think on you."

"Well," said Mr. Craig, willing to conciliate Mrs. Poyser, and setting a high value on his own compliments, "I like a cleverish woman—a woman o' sperrit— a managing woman.'

"You 're out there, Craig," said Bartle dryly; "you're out there. You judge o' your garden-stuff on a better plan than that; you pick the things for what they can excel in-for what they can excel in. You don't value your peas for their roots, or your carrots for their flowers. that's the way you should choose women; their cleverness 'll never come to much— never come to much; but they make excellent simpletons, ripe and strong flav ored."

Now

"What dost say to that?" said Mr. Poyser, throwing himself back and looking merrily at his wife.

"Say!" answered Mrs. Poyser, with dangerous fire kindling in her eye; "why,