to soothe all her sorrows with a tender attention, and a self-denying endeavour to alleviate them; not to despise her because of infirmities, nor to allow others to despise or injure her," but to give honour to her as the weaker vessel;" to be as careful not to give her needless pain or uneasiness, as he would be not to wound his own flesh; and to give up his own humour, nay even sometimes his reasonable inclination, rather than ruffle her temper, or give her umbrage, when by any means a temporary peevishness hath been excited, and so to behave in all things, that she may find it easy to respect and esteem him. In general, both of them are required to watch over each other, to tend each other in sickness, to alleviate one another's cares and sorrows, to pray for and with one another, and to avoid whatever may hinder those prayers. Above all, each of them must be sure to remember to be most attentive to their several duties when the other is most deficient; for if only one party at once indulge a wrong temper, or fall into misconduct, few serious interruptions of domestic harmony would follow.

To these general hints a few more special may be added. Sometimes it is discovered after marriage, that a mistake hath been fallen into as to the religious character of the person with whom the union has been formed. In this trying case, great care must be taken, that the mind be not alienated, or amicable intercourse interrupted on that account; that no disgust be excited by reproach, or any expression importing repentance of the union. On the other hand, wisdom and grace should be immediately and earnestly sought, to enable the party to bear the cross cheerfully; to win upon the other by kindness and attention; to induce a concurrence in family worship, and attendance on the means of grace; and to use a prudent caution, that the circumstances may only be a cross, and not a snare to the soul. By whatever means a pious person is thus united with an unbeliever, the same cautions are in a measure needful, and others may be added. The apostle hath expressly directed, that believers should not on any such account withdraw from their partners, but should abide with them, in hopes of being instrumental to their salvation, (1 Cor. vii. 12-17). In this case, the wife, whose husband "obeys not the word," should endeavour "to win him without the word," not so much by frequent and earnest discourse on religious subjects, (which ought to be introduced very cautiously, modestly, and affectionately), as by a "chaste conversation, coupled with fear," or an union of circumspect fidelity and respectful submission; and to render herself agreeable to him, not by the vain decorations of elegant and costly attire, but " by the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit," and the exercise of all those holy tempers, the seat of which is in the heart, and which are "in the sight of God of great value." In such circumstances, it may be advisable to bear unkind usage or neglect with patience, or to wait for opportunities of mild expostulation, in humble prayer and persevering submission. Thus the cross may be lightened, which a contrary conduct commonly increases; and the best method taken of "adorning the doctrine of God our Saviour," and of giving an unbeliever an affecting proof that the truths he rejects are most excellent in their nature and tendency. Many of the same rules may properly be adopted by the pious husband, whose wife dislikes his religion; but in the superior relation there may be a propriety in more explicitly and frequently proposing religious conversation; in urging attendance on the means of grace, and concurrence in family worship. In both cases, such compliances as cannot be conscientiously made, should be firmly, but mildly refused; and in proportion to the degree in which a decided conduct is adopted, where the will of God is concerned, an obliging and yielding disposition should be manifested, where personal inclination only is at stake, or where the matter is rather expedient than obligatory.

But there is a case of still greater difficulty, viz. when a believer has married an an ungodly person, after having been competently acquainted with the truth and will of God in this respect. In general, such persons flatter themselves with the hope of being the instrument of good to the object of their

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TO RELATIVE DUTIES.

choice, though the reverse is by far the more common effect. Yet this hope should not afterwards be abandoned: but deep humiliation, with earnest prayers to a merciful God to pardon and to overrule for the best what cannot now be disannulled, should be considered as above all things needful: to this the observance of the foregoing rules should be added; and the consideration of the sin by which the cross hath been incurred, should constitute an additional motive to persevering patience, meekness, and kindness, even in return for harsh treatment; and in one way or other the Lord will support, comfort, and rescue such humble penitents, and make all to work together for good to their souls.

These hints indeed are very inadequate to the full discussion of so copious and important a subject; but they may throw some light upon the believer's path, who reads them with prayer, and compares them with the sacred Scrip

tures.

II. We proceed to consider the reciprocal duties of parents and children. Some observations have already been made on this subject, (Essay IV), but a few hints must here be subjoined, beginning with the duty of children to their parents, which will finish the first part of this Essay. The apostle exhorts" children to obey their parents in the Lord," in obedience to the will, for the honour of the gospel, from grateful love to the name, and in imitation of the example of the Lord Jesus, this being also right in itself, and required by the holy law of God. The general grounds and nature of this duty have been stated; it remains for us to consider it, as practised by a believer from evangelical motives. If such a young disciple have the blessing of pious parents, in honouring and obeying them, he will commonly honour and obey the Lord and gratitude for the spiritual benefits derived to him by means of their instructions, example, and prayers, will be an additional incitement to a respectful, submissive, and obliging deportment; to a steady concern for their comfort, ease, interest, and reputation; and to a self-denying, frugal, and diligent endeavour to ward off want and distress from their old age, as pious Joseph maintained his father and family just as many years in his old age, as his father had maintained him in his youth. In this case, it will be peculiarly proper to bear with their infirmities, and conceal them from others; to submit to inconveniences and restraints, in compliance with their wishes, and to soothe their sorrows; to consult them in every undertaking as long as they live; to pay a deference to their opinion, even when it is in a measure unreasonable, if it do not interfere with other duties; and never to grieve them by a contrary behaviour, without a very satisfactory reason, and with the most evident reluctance. On the other hand, it sometimes happens that pious children have parents, whom they cannot but consider as strangers to the power of godliness; in which case, it must be a leading desire of their hearts to win them over to the doctrine and grace of the Lord Jesus: but in order to accomplish this purpose, it is peculiarly needful to watch against a hasty zeal, and a violent spirit. They should expect to he opposed in their religious pursuits; to be assailed by arguments and authority, and perhaps by reproaches and menaces; to be restrained by various methods from attending divine ordinances; and to be allured into such companies and diversions as are inconsistent with their profession: they should therefore beg of God to give them the meekness of wisdom, as well as a steadfast mind; that they may not refuse obedience in frivolous or doubtful matters, or in a harsh and disobliging manner, but where evident duty requires it, and with calm and mild declarations of the grounds on which theyproceed: thus it will appear, that a Scriptural conscientiousness (and not caprice, self-will, or self-conceit) compel them to act in this manner; and in proportion as this is done, redoubled diligence and self-denial should be used, to oblige their parents in all other things. In general, children are not required to preach to their parents; at least, every word should be spoken in modesty, tenderness, candour, and unassuming gentleness: and they should rather aim to induce them to hear sermons, to read books, or to converse with

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pious and prudent Christians, than themselves to give instructions, or engage in arguments with them, except in very particular circumstances; for parents will seldom become docile scholars to their own children, especially if they teach in magisterial and reproving language. The most conclusive argument they can use consists in an uniform, conscientious conduct, an obliging attention, silent submission to undeserved rebukes, diligence in business, fidelity to every trust reposed in them, and a disinterested regard to the temporal advantage of the whole family. When a young person uniformly acts in this manner, he will have opportunities of speaking or writing a few words with weight and propriety, which, being joined with persevering prayer, may at length be crowned with the desired success; whilst a contrary conduct will close a parent's ear against the choicest arguments, and most zealous discourse. But however that may be, in this way he will adorn the gospel, and will be sure of meeting with the gracious acceptance and blessing of his heavenly Father.

ESSAY XXI.

On the Believer's Attention to Relative Duties.

'In Continuation of the preceding Essay.)

HAVING given some brief hints on the conduct to which the principles of the gospel will influence the true believer in the filial relation, we must subjoin a few observations on the reciprocal duties of parents, whom reason and revelation unite in appointing to be the guardians of their offspring, in respect of their present and future welfare. Their attention therefore, must not only commence from the time when they actually become parents, but many things should previously be arranged, with reference to the probability of this important event; important, because every human being that is brought into existence must be completely happy or miserable to all eternity. From the very first, conscientious parents will do nothing for the sake of ease, indulgence, or other selfish purpose, which may endanger the life, limbs, senses, constitution, understanding, or morals of their children: they will personally attend to every thing relating to them, as far as they can; and will be very careful not to entrust them with such persons as are merely influenced by worldly interest in what they do for them. They will perceive the importance of inuring them early to action, application, and observation, and of storing their minds, as they become capable of it, with information on every subject which can conduce to render them useful members of the community. They will endeavour to accustom them to such things as are of beneficial tendency, to preserve them from habits of indolence or self-indulgence, and to prevent their forming improper connections. Many difficulties, indeed, must be encountered in adhering to such a plan of education, and the success will not always answer the expectations which have been excited by it; but more may be done than many parents so much as attempt; and the general education of both sexes at present, seems calculated to answer any purpose, rather than that of regulating the judgments and improving the minds of the rising generation, of preserving their principles and morals from contamination, and of qualifying them for usefully filling up the station in life for which they are designed.

The word of God directs parents to rule their children during their tender years, by compulsion, and to repress their self-will and rebellious spirits by correction: that they may be early habituated to obedience and submission to authority, which will be of the greatest advantage to them during

their whole lives, both in secular and religious matters; for the more any man studies human nature, and repeats the actual experiment, the fuller will be his conviction, that all attempts to educate children without correction, and to treat them as rational and independent agents, before they are able to use their reason or liberty, arise from forgetfulness of their innate depravity, and oppose the wisdom of man to that of God: and let modern manners evince with what success this has been attended, (Prov. xiii. 24; xix. 18; xxii. 15; xxiii. 13, 14; xxix. 17; Heb. xii. 5-11). Chastisement should indeed be inflicted at an early period, dispassionately, and in moderation, yet sufficient eventually to attain the end proposed by it, viz. to establish the parent's authority over the mind of the child. It is therefore generally improper to contest a trivial matter, for that will either give the correction the appearance of undue severity, or induce the parent to desist before the child has completely submitted. The frequency, severity, and passion, with which children have been corrected, and the bad effects occasioned by these abuses, have prejudiced numbers against the use of any correction; but to argue from the abuse of any thing against the use of it, is universally allowed to be bad logic: and if children were early taught in this manner to know that the parent would be obeyed, when he gave a decided command, correction need not be often repeated, and much less severity, all circumstances considered, would be requisite in education than is generally used. For when children become reasonable creatures, that authority which correction has established, may be maintained by arguments, reproofs, commendations, and expostulations: whereas, too many leave their indulged children without correction, till age and habit have confirmed them in stubborn self-will, and then, by an unseasonable severity, complete their ruin; for, being exasperated by their ingratitude, they find fault with their very attempts to please them; and by harsh language and usage drive them into bad company and destructive courses; to which case the apostle especially referred, when he said, "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged," (Eph. vi. 4; Col. iii. 21). On the contrary, parents ought to use every method to render their children, as they grow up, easy and happy in their company, and confident of a favourable reception in every attempt to please them; for this tends exceedingly to keep them out of temptation, to improve their minds, and to render the parental authority of wisdom and love respectable and amiable in their eyes and if they can allure their children to choose them for companions, counsellors, and friends in all their undertakings, a most important point indeed will be carried.

It is also incumbent on parents to bring up their children in that manner, and (if they can do it consistent with other duties) to make that moderate provision for them, which may, at all events, enable them to live comfortably in society, without being a burthen to others, or to themselves. The Christian cannot consistently seek great things for his family, or be desirous of advancing them much above his own rank in life; but he will judge it best (if the Lord will), that they should not be depressed very much below it, at least by his fault; for that condition in which men have been brought up is generally the safest for them.

But the principles of the gospel will especially influence those who are actuated by them, to desire the blessings of salvation for their beloved offspring. This will induce them to recommend them to God in fervent, constant prayer, from the time that they receive their being; and to instil instruction into their minds as soon as they become capable of receiving it. They will early begin to store their memories with wholesome words; to lead their attention to the simpler parts of the Holy Scripture; and to impress them with a sense of their relation to God, and to an eternal state (especially by means of family worship): to bring them under the public and private instructions of faithful ministers; to watch for opportunities of speaking seriously to them, and of inquiring what they have learned; and to encourage them in proposing questions on religious subjects, by answering such as they can

with propriety, (Exod. xii. 26-28; Deut. vi. 6-9; Psalm lxxviii. 6—8). They will also endeavour to keep them from all places and companies, and to remove out of their way all books, &c., by which their principles may be corrupted, their imaginations polluted, or their passions inflamed, even as they would lay poison out of their reach. They will more decidedly reprove vice or impiety, than any childish neglect or waywardness; and avoid all converse or behaviour in their presence, which may counteract the tendency of such instructions, or sanction the pride, avarice, sensuality, love of grandeur, envy, or malignity of their nature.

It is peculiarly incumbent on religious parents to convince their children, as they approach to maturity, not only that they act in all other things conscientiously, but also that they are more attentive to their comfort and interest, and more ready to forgive their faults, than irreligious parents would be, though they cannot tolerate their vices, or concur in exceptionable plans of advancing or enriching them, because the Scripture holds forth such alarming examples to warn men not to gratify their children by dishonouring God, or injuring their neighbours, (1 Sam. ii. 22—36). It behoves parents however to remember the time when they were young, and not to thwart the inclinations of their children when grown up, without substantial reasons, lest they should throw snares in their way: they should rather endeavour to manifest a disposition to concur in every thing conducive to their satisfaction, if it can be done consistently; that by thus encouraging their confidence in them, they may have the salutary influence of experienced counsellors, when the direct exercise of authority would endanger opposition. In particular, they certainly should rather aim to guide, caution, and advise them, in respect to marriage, than to compel or restrain them in an absolute manner; remembering, that peace of mind, a good conscience, domestic harmony, and a connection favourable to piety, conduce more to happiness, even in this world, than wealth, or a confluence of all earthly distinctions. Many directions might be added, in respect of the conduct to be adopted by parents, when children appear to be under serious impressions; but the subject is too copious to be discussed in this place.

This is the most important perhaps of all relative duties; and the neglect of it is productive of the most fatal consequences: for, besides those parents who in various ways are accessary to the murder of the souls of their own offspring, even they, who seem to regard other parts of Scripture, often overlook the command "to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord," (Eph. vi. 4); and either by neglect leave their minds like an uncultivated field, or by example and harsh treatment prejudice them against the gospel, or indiscreetly lead them into such distorted views of it as are of fatal tendency. Indeed the methods are innumerable by which parents fail of their duty in this respect; and whilst numbers act as if they did not much care, whether their offspring were happy or miserable hereafter, it is to be feared that few, if any, are free from blame in this important concern.

It may here be proper to add, that they, who in any way undertake to bring up the children of others, are required in many respects to perform the duties of parents to them: and on the other hand, such young persons owe a measure of that respect, gratitude, obedience, and affection to them, which have been described as the duties of children to their parents: and this case is not altered, even when elder brothers or sisters are the persons on whom this charge has devolved. In like manner, the other superior relations are entitled to a measure of filial deference and attention; and ought to perform many parts of the parental office to their junior relatives, especially if their parents be dead, or incapable of performing it, or be wholly inattentive to them; and they have the power of bringing them up, without burthening strangers.

III. The duties of brethren in the same family towards each other, should not be wholly omitted on this occasion. The love which is supposed to subsist among such endeared relations, is the Scriptural standard of that pure