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Whose baseless fame by vanity is buoy'd, 'Twas on a day (O may that day appear
But share annihilation in the old!)
[men, First from the counter young Hillario charm’d, And made him, 'mongst the scribbling sons of And first his unambitious soul alarm'd Change peace for war, the pestle for the pen? An old strip'd curtain cross her arms was fiung,
And tatter'd tap'stry o'er her shoulders bung;
Her loins with patch-work cincture were begirt,
That more than spoke diversity of dirt;
Cold palsy shook her head-she seem'd at most
Mart. MAC. A living corpse, or an untimely ghost, Puffer,] of this talent take a specimen. lo a letter to himself he saith ; "you have discovered many of the beauties of the ancients;
at misrepresenting circumstances, for which vide they are obliged to you; we are obliged to you;
all the Inspectors. were they alive they would thank you ; we who
May that day appear] This seems to be wrote are alive do thank you.” His constant custom
with an eye to a beautiful passage in a very eleof running on in this manner, occasioned the ful
gant poem; lowing epigram,
Ye gods, annibilate both space and time,
And m ke tuo lovers bappy.-
wonder it was never complied with ; but it must 'Pothecary, Play'r,] for both these, vide be said in favour of Mr. Smart, that he is suill Woodward's letter, pussim.
more reasonable in bis demand, and it appears Like the huge Earth.] The allusion here seems by the alteration in the style, ibat bis scheme to be taken from Ovid, who describes the Earth may be reduced to practice though the other is fixed in the air, by its own stupidity, or vis mighty fine in theory. The Inspector is of this inertia :
opinion, and so is Monsieur de Scaizau.
A tetter'd tap`stry] Our author has been ex-
tremely negligent upon tbis occasion, and has
indolently vinitted an opportunity of displaying But, reader, dilate your imagination to take in his talent for poetic imagery. Homer has dethe much greater idea our poet here presents to scribed the shield of Achilles with all the art of you: consider the inmense joanity of space, and his imagination ; Virgil has followed him in this the comparative nothingness of the globe, and point, and indeed both he and Ovid seem to be you may attain an adequate conception of our delighted when they have either a picture to dehero's reputation, and the mighty basis it stands scribe, or some representation in the labours of upon. It is worth observing here that our au the loom. Hence arises a double delight; we thor, quasi aliud agens, displays at one touch of admire the work of the artificer, and the poet's his pen more knowledge of the planetary sys- account of it; and this pleasure Mr. Smart might tem, than is to be found in all the volumes of the have impressed upon bis readers in this passage, mathematicians.
as many things were wrought into the tapestry This note is partly by Macularius, and partly here-mentioned. In one part our hero was adby Mr. Jinkyns, Philomath.
ministering to a patient, " and the fresh vomit Say, Muse,] Observe, gentle reader, how ten runs for ever green.” The theatre at May-fair derly our author treats his hero throughout his made a conspicuous figure in the piece—the pit whole poem; he does not here impute his ridi- seemed to rise in an uproar—the gallery opened culous conduct, and all that train of errours which its rude throats--and apples, oranges and halfhave attended his consummate vanity, to his pence flew about our hero's ears.--The Mall in own perverse inclination, but with greater can St. James's Park was displayed in a beautiful dour insinuates that some demon, foe to Hila vista, and you might perceive Hillario with bis Jario's repose, first misled his youthful imagina- janty air waddling along:-In Mary-le-Bone tion; which is a kind of apology for his life and Fields, he was dancing round a glow worm, and character. He is not the only one who has been finally the Rotunda at Ranelagh filled the eye seduced to his ruiu in this manner. We read it with its magnificence, and in a corner of it stood in Pope,
a handsome young fellow holding a personage,
dressed in blue silk, by the ear; Some demon whisperd, Visto have a taste.
worsted still looked black and blue.” There Hence then arise our hero's misfortunes; and were many other curious figures, but out of that the demon above-mentioned was a foe to shameful laziness bas our poet omitted them. truth, will appear frum Hillario's potable talent
in the very
With voice far-fetch'd from hollow throat profound | Fir'd with his fate, and conscious of his worth, And more than mortal was the infernal sound. The beardless wight prepar'd to sally forth, “ Sweet boy, who seem'st for glorious deeds But first ('twas just, 'twas natural to grieve) design'd,
He sigh'd and took a soft pathetic leave. O come and leave that clyster pipe behind; “ Farewell, a long farewell to all my drugs, Cms; this prophetic band with silver coin,
My labelld vials, and my letter'd jugs ; And all the wealth and farne, I have, is thine”— And you, ye bearers of no trivial charge, She said—he (for what stripling cou'd with - Where all my Latin stands inscrib'd at large: stand?)
Ye jars, ye gallipots, and draw'rs adien, Straight with his only six-pence grac'd her hand. Be to my memory lost, as lost to view, And now the precious fury all her breast And ye, whom I so oft have joy'd to wipe, At once invaded, and at once possess'd ;
Th' car-sifting syringe, and back-piercing pipe, Her eye was fix'd in an ecstatic stare,
Farewell-my day of giory's on the dawn, And on ber head uprose th' astonish'd hair : And now,-Hillario's occupation's gone." No more her colour, or her looks the same, But moonshine madness quite convuls'd her
Quick with the word his way the hero made, frame,
Conducted by a glorious cavalcade ; While, big with fate, again sbe silence broke,
Pert Petulance the first attracts his eye, And in few words voluminously spoke.
And drowsy Dulness slowly saunters by, “ In these three lives athwart thy palm I see,
With Malice old, and Scandal ever new, Either a tripod, or a triple-tree,
And neutral Nonsense, neither false nor true, For, Oh ! ken by mysteries profound,
Infernal Falsehold next approach'd the band Too light to sink, thou never can’st be drown'd— With * * * and the Koran in her hand. Whate'er thy end, the Fates are now at strife,
Her motley vesture with the leopard vies, Yet strange variety shall check thy life
Stain'd with a foul variety of lies. Thou grand dictator of each public show,
Next spiteful Enmity, gangren’d at heart, Wit, moralist, quack, harlequin, and beau,
Presents a dagger, and conceals a dart. Survey man's vice, self-prais'd, and self pre
ferr'd, Aod be th’ Inspector of th’infected herd;
poets, who generally give the reader some idea By any means aspire at any ends,
of what is to ensue, without unfolding the whole, Baseless exalts, and cowardice defends, [well, | Thus we find in Virgil, The chequerd world's before thee-go-fare
Bella, horrida bella, Beware of Irishmen—and learn to spell.”
Et Tybrim multo spumantem sanguine cerno. Here from her breast th' inspiring fury flew :
and again She ceas'd-and instant from his sight withdrew.
Alius Latio jam partus Achilles.
And in the sequel of this work, I believe, it will be an imitation of the Sybil in the sixth book of be found, that as Æneas had another Achilles, so
our hero has had as formidable an adversary. Virgil; Subito non vultus, non color unus
Farewell, a long farewell,] The ingenious Mr.
1-der says that the following passage is taken Nec comtæ mansere comæ.
from a work, which he intends shortly to publish and is admirably expressive of the witch's pro- | by subscription, and he has now in the press a phetie fury, and ushers in the prediction of Hilo pamphlet, called Mr. Smart's Use and Abuse hario's fortune with proper solemnity.- of the Moderns. But, with his leave, this pas
This note is by one of the Æolists, mentioned sage is partly imitated from cardinal Wolsey's with honour in the Tale of a Tub.
speech, and from Othello. Be th’ Inspector, &c.] When the distemper
Neutral Nonsense, &c.]The train here described, first raged among the horned cattle, the king and Council ordered a certain officer to superintend is worthy of Hillario, pertness, dulness, scandal the beasts, and to direct that such, as were found and malice, &c. being the very constituents of
an hero for the mock heroic, and it is not without to be infected, should be knocked on the head. This officer was called the Inspector, and from propriety that nonsense is introduced with the thence I would venture to lay a wager, our hero epithet, neutral ; nonsense being like a Dutchderived his title.
inan, not only in an unmeaning stupidity, but BENTLEY,Junior.
in the art of preserving a strict neutrality. This
neutrality may be aptly explained by the followBeware of Irishmen, &c.] It is extremely ing epigram, probable that our poet is intimately acquainted
Word-valiant wight, thou great he shrew, with the classics; he seems frequently to have
That wrangles to no end ; them in his eye, and such an air of enthusiasm
Since nonsense is nor false nor true, runs through his whole speech, that the learned
Thou'rt no man's foe or friend. reader may easily perceive he has taken fire at some of the prophecies in Homer and Virgil. -— Falsehool,] This lady is described with two The whole is delivered in breaks, and unconnected books in her hand, but our author chusing to pretransitions, which denote vehement emotions serve a neutrality, though not a nonsensical one, in the mind; and the hint here concerning the upon this occasion, the Tories are at liberty to fill Irish is perfectly in the manner of all great epic up this blank with Rapin, Burnet, or any names
On th' earth crawls Flatt'ry with her bosom bare, 1 While Jargon grav'd his titles on a block,
And styl'd him M. D. Acad. Budig, Su. Such was the groupe—they bow'd and they But now the harbingers of fate and fame ador'd,
Signs, omens, prodigies, and portents came. And hail'd Hillario for their sovereign lord. Lo! (though mid-day) the grave Athcnian fowl, Flush'd with success, and proud of his allies, Eyed the bright Sun, and hail'd him with a howl, Th' exulting hero thus triumpbant cries.
Moths, mites, and maggots, feas, (a numerous “ Friends, bretbren, ever present, ever dear,
ciew!) Home to my heart, nor quit your title there, And gnats and grubworms crouded on his view, While you approre, assist, instruct, inspire, Tosects! without the microscopic aid, Heat my young blood, and set my soul on fire; Gigantic by the eye of Dulness made! No foreign aid my daring pen shall chuse,
And stranger still-and never heard before ! But boldly versify without a Muse,
1 wooden lion roar'd, or seem'd to roar. I'll teach Minerva, I'll inspire the Nine,
But (what the most his youthful bosom warmd, Great Phæbus shall in consultation join,
Heighten'd each hope and every fear disarm’d) And round my nobler brow his forfeit laureltwine." On an high dome a damsel took her stand,
He said--and Clamour, of Commotion born, With a well freighted Jordan in her hand, Rear'd to the skies ber ear afflicting horn, Where curious mixtures strove on every side
And solid sounds with laxer fluids vied
that will fit the niches; and the Whigs may, if they please, insert Echard, Higgons, &c. But why, exclaimeth a certain critic, should false Adam the first Dutchman-victorious stroke for hood be given to Hillario ?—Because, replieth old England - Tweedle-dum and tweedle-dee. Macularius, he has given many specimens of
Oratory-Right-Reason-Chapel, Saturday his talent that way. Our hero took it into his
13th of January, and old style for ever. head some time since to tell the world that he Jargon grau'd &c.] Jargon is here properly caned a gentleman whom he called by the name
introduced graving our hero's titles, which are of Mario; what degree of faith the town gave adınirably brought into verse, but the gentleman bim upon that occasion, may be collected froin who wrote the last note, Mr. Orator H-ley, the two following lines, by a certain wag who
takes umbrage at this passage, and exclaimeth shall be nameless.
to the following effect, “ Jargon is meant for
There is more music in a peal of marrowTo beat one man great Hill was fated;
bones and cleavers than in these verses.-I am What man ?-a man that he ci eated.
a logician upon fundamentals. A rationalist, The following epigram may be also properly lover of mankande, Glastonbury thorn,-huzza inserted here.
boys.— Wit a vivacious command of all objects What H41 one day says, he the next does and ideas.--I am the only wit in Great Britain.” deny,
See Oratory Tracts, &c 10036. And candidly tells us~'tis all a damn'd lye:
Patience, good Mr. Orator! we are not at lei. Dear doctor—this candour from you is not
sure to answer thee at present, but must observe
that jargon bas done more for our hero, than For why shou'd you own it? 'tis taken for ever did the society at Bordeaux, as will appear granted.
from the following extract of a letter sent to
Martinus Marcularius, by a fellow of that society: Crawls Flatl'ry, &c.] Our hero is as remarkable for bis encoiniunis, where it is his interest l'honneur le 12mne passé. A l'égard de ce Mon
J'ai bien reçu la lettre, dont vous n'arez fat to commend, as for bis abuse, where he has taken sieur Hillario, qui se vante si prodigieusement a dislike; but from the latter he is easily to be
chez vous, je ne trouve pas qu'il est enrollé dans bought off, as may be seen in the following excel
notre sociéié, & son nom est parfaitment incon. lent epigran,
nu ici. J'attends de vous nouvelles, &c.
Molhi, mites, &c.]
The important objects of his future specu.
lations! He'll saint you, tho' the vilest sinner.
O would the sons of men once think their
And reason given 'em but to study flies.
M. MACULARIU S. What will not beef and pudding do?
Dulness maile] This passage may be properly
illustrated by a recollection of two lines in Mr. Without a Muse, &c.] No the devil a bit!-- Pope's Essay on Criticism. I am the only person that can do that!-My poems, written at fifteen, were done without the As things seem large which we through mists assistance of any Muse, and better than all
descry, Smart's poetry.-The Muses are strumpets
Dulness is very apt to magnify. they frequently give an intellectual gonorrhoea Wooden lion roar'd,] Not the black l'on in Court debt not paid--I'll never be poet laureate. Salisbury-court, Fleet-street, where the New -Coup de grace unanswerable—Our fves shall Craftsman is published, nor yet the red lion at knuckle-five pounds to any bishop that will Brentford, but the beast of the Bedford, who may equal this—Gum guiacum for Latin lignum vitæ. truly be said to have been alive, when animated
Eles on a benchi
f fate and farmine
Share themanis mailed him with a bé s, fleas, (a nues
--victorious streaming m and the glede son-t hapel, dat ze
and old style bars gon is here prin ero's uitles, scor se, but the aceto Mr. Orator H
asare, and edusa
these terrå - #
of a letter sent fellow of that sucht Jont rous n'are
A l'égard dece B*, e si prodige
Lo! on his crown the lotion choice and large, And now, thou goddess, whose fire-darting
From bis bright throne the deities addrest :
Nature, my hand-maid, yet without a stain,
Of ber divine, eternal rule of right,
On mere privation she 'as bestow'd a frame, (If a desire to please is to deserve,)
And dignify'd a nothing with a name,
A wretch devoid of use, of sense and grace,
Preely welcome to abuse,
Make the most of this you can,
Both alike, your works and pay,
Hasten quick to their decay,
This a tritle, those no more,
Tho repeated to threescore.
Threescore volumes when they're writ, cent than Pope's—Recollect what Swift says, that a nice man has filthy ideas, and let it be
Will appear at last bet considered this discharge may have the same And now thou goddess, &c.] This invocation effect upon our hero, as a similar accident had is perfectly in the spirit of ancient poetry. If I upon a person of equal parts and genius.
may use Milton's words, our author here preRenew'd by ordure's sympathetic force,
sumes into the Heavens, an eartily guest, and As oild by magic juices for the course,
draws empyreal air. Hence he calls upon the Vig'rous he rises from th' effluvia strong,
goddess to assist his strain, while he relates the Iinbibes new life and scours and stinks councils of the gods. Virgil, when the plot along.
thickens upon his bands, as Mr. Bares has it,
Pope's Dunciad. bas offered up his prayer a second time to the *Archimedes
, &c.] As soon as the philosopher Muse, and he seems to lalvur under the weight here mentioned discovered the modern save-all,
of bis subject, when he cries out, and the new invented-patent black-ball, he threw Majus opus moveo, major rerum mihi nascidown his pipe, and ran all along Piccadilly, with
tur ordo, his shirt out of his breeches, crying out like a mad- This is the case at present with the writer of the man, tugnxa ! sugnxa! which in modern English | Hiljad, and this piece of machinery will evince is, the job is done! the job is done!
the absurdity of that Lucretian doctrine, which VETUS SCHOL.
asserts that the gods are wrapped up in a lazy Another Duck,] Hillario baving a mind to ce indolence, and do not trouble themselves about Jebrate and recommend a genius to the world, human affairs. The words of Lucretius are, compares him to Stephen Duck, and at the close of a late luspector, cries out, “ I have found ano
Oinnis enim per se divům natura necesse est ther Duck, but who shall find a Carolive?”
Immortali ævo sumina cum pace fruatur,
Semota a rebus nostris, disjunctaque longè. Print my soft essays,]Our hero for once bas spoke truth of himself, for which we could produce the
It is now recommended to the editors of the Antestimonies of several persons of distinction. ti-Lucretius to make use of this instance to the Bath and Tunbridge-wells have upon many occa
contrary in the next publication of that work.
M. MACLLARIUS, sions testified their gratitude to bim on this head, as bis works have been always found of Encumbered spare.] Jupiter's speech is full of singular use with the waters of those places. pompanı solemnity, and is tinally closed by a deTo this effect also speaketh that excellent co- scription of our hero, who is here said to take up a merlian, Ms. Henry Woodward, in an ingenious place in the creation to no purpose. What a difparody co Busy, curious, thirsty fly, &c. ferent notion of the end of his existence bas Busy, curions, hungry Hill,
Hillario, from what we find delivered by the exWrite of ine and write your till.
cellent Luoginus in his treatise on the Sublime. VOL. XVI.
qu'il est ennallinen st parfaitmen want ourelles, &c.
« Good is his cause, and just is his pretence,” Her approbation Venus next exprest, (Replies the god of theft and eloquence.) And on Hillario's part the throne addrest, A hand mercurial, ready to convey,
" If there be any praise the nails to pare, E’en in the presence of the garish day,
And in soft ringlets wreathe th' elastic hair,
The mien so easy and the dress so gay!
Can my Hillario's worth remain unknown, Next to perform, 'tis glorious to procure. With whom coy Sylvia trusts herself alone; Small was th'exertion of my god-like soul,
With whom, so pure, so innocent bis life, When privately Apollo's herd I stole,
The jealous husband leaves his buxom wife?
By me disbanded from all amorous wars ;
Tho' hard his heart, yet beauty shall control,
NOTES VARIORUM. not intended man for a low spirited or ignoble being; but bringing us into life and the midst of this
Venus next erpress’d,] Venus rises in this wide universe, as before a multitude assembled at some heroic solemnity, that we might be assembly quite in the manner attributed to her in spectators of all her magnificence, and candi- the ancient poets ; thus we see in Virgil that
she is all mildness, and at every word breathes dates high in emulation for the prize of glory :
ambrosia ; she has therefore implanted in our souls an inextinguishable love of every thing great and exalted,
At non Venus aurea contra, of everything which appears divine beyond our
Pauca refert.comprehevsion. Hence by the very propensity She is to speak upon this occasion, as well as in of nature we are led to admire, not little springs the case produced from the Æneid, in favour of or shallow rivulets, however clear and delicious, a much loved son, though indeed we cannot say but the Nile, the Rhine, the Danube, and much that she has been quite so kind to Hillario, as more than all the ocean.”—Instead of acting formerly she was to Æneas, it being evident that upon this plan, Hillario is employed in pursuit she has not bestowed upon him that lustre of of insects in Kensington-gardens, and as this is youthful bloom, and that liquid radiance of the all the gratitude he pays for the being conferred eye, which she is said to have given the pious upon him, he is finely termed an insolvent te- Trojan. nant. By adoption be the sire, &c.] Our hero has
Lumenque juventæ taken an entire letter from sir Thomas Fitz
Purpureum, et lætos oculis afflavit honores. Osborne, and with inimitable effrontery pub- On the contrary Venus here talks of his black lished it in his Inspector, No. 239, as a prodluc- self, which makes it suspected that she retion of his own. We are informed that, having conciled herself to this hue, out of a compliment been taxed with this affair, he declares with a to Vulcan, of whom she has frequent favours to great deal of art, that it was given him by ano
solicit: and perhaps it may appear hereafter, ther person, to which all we have to say is, that that she procured a sword for our hero from the the receiver is as bad as the thief.
celestial blacksmith's forge.
One thing is not
the side of Hillario, she should omit the real thonght capable of punning, I should imagine
utility he has been of to the cause of love that the word procure, in this place, is made use
by his experience as an apothecary, of which, of in preference to an appellation given to our fited; and it should be remembered at the
he himself hath told us, several have prohero in the commencernent of this poem, viz. a pimp; but the reader will please to recollect that
same time, that he actually has employed The terin pimp is not in that passage used in its
his person in the service of Venus, and has now modern accepiation.
an offspring of the amorous congress. It is inoreSmall was th exertion, 8c.) Not so fast, good guage, tasted of the cool stream, he was ready
over notorious, that having, in his elegant lanpoet, cries out in this place, M. Macularius. We do not find that Hillario, upon any occasion
to plunge in again, and therefore publicly set
himself up for a wife, and thus, became a for-
his design, it is because the ladies do not ap-
prove the new scheme of propagation without by Horace, that he really did receive the god of tended to explain so handsomely in the Lucina
the knowledge of a man, which Hillario prewit in this manner;
sine concubitu.—But the truth is, he never wrote Te boves olim nisi reddidisses
a syllable of this book, though he transcribed Per dolum amotas, puerum minaci part of it, and showed it to a bookseller, in order Voce dum terret, viduus pharetra
10 procure a higher price for his productions. Risit Apollo.