not for a thousand worlds; and I have ever found that it is "the goodness of God that led me to repentance," and nothing else. But I must leave this, as my paper is filled.

I write this, my dear sirs, in love to you, because I felt a close union to you in reading your sweet pieces: it seemed as if they were written for me. Oh, may the Lord bless you and give you strength to carry you through your work, and stand by you; for you will have many enemies around you.

I hope that you will not think I have taken too much upon me in sending you this. I shall pray for you, though I never saw you in the flesh, but I know you in the spirit. WILLIAM PARVIN,

August 11.

Westmeon, Hants.

[Upon a perusal of the following Letter, it may be argued by some, Why insert so long and dull an epistle-surely there is nothing of Christ Jesus in it? We reply, we publish it as a landmark or directing-post to sin-burdened, devil-hunted souls; we like a man to begin where God begins with him, to give the dark side as well as the bright one; and as the writer, we are informed, has made a triumphant end, and joined the victorious throng in glory, we are so much the more anxious that his own plain and simple statement should testify of the grace, the wisdom, and the power that rescued such untowardness out of the ruins of the fall, and moulded it a vessel fit for the Master's use. We believe that the same Almighty power is still at work with many who now understand not the way by which they are led, but who shall, ere long, be brought forth to sing of the same matchless grace as the writer of the following letter sang of even before he quitted this vale of tears.-ED.]

TO A MINISTER-MR. PARSONS, OF CHICHESTER.

Chichester, December 13, 1828.

My dear Father in God, and servant of the Lord Jesus Christ, which is the best of names I can give you; but flattering titles I hope never to: so that I shall proceed (as God the Holy Ghost shall bring to my mind) to give you, in a faint way, some of the Lord's dealings with me, beginning as early as I can remember. But I hope no one will be so presumptuous as to run wilfully into sin, and think to be saved because God had mercy on me; for he saveth whom he will, and hardeneth whom he will. And the great apostle Paul tells us, who is a true witness of Christ, that if we sin, grace may abound, their damnation is just; for I believe there are many now in the pit of destruction more worthy of heaven than myself, as it respects an outward walk, or a moral life; but as the Lord will have mercy on whom he will have mercy, I will, as the Lord shall enable me, show you how the Lord's hand in mercy and goodness has been over me. I will begin at my birth. I was born at Chichester about the year 1786, my parents being of the poorer class. A few days after I was born-as I have been told by my parents-convulsions seized me; a doctor was sent for, who, seeing me in a fit, pronounced me dead, and ordered me to be laid out-which was done, and I laid some hours without any appearance of life; but the Lord, who had set his love upon me from all eternity, raised me up again; after this, in my infancy, I was often sick and given over by men of great skill: but the wisdom of man is foolishness with God. I will now relate from my own memory.

I think I was about seven or eight years of age, when I began to commit such sins as I believe few children of my age think of. When about nine years of age, I dreamt of the day of judgment, where I saw everyone taken

to heaven but myself; and I was left in a dark and gloomy place for my wickedness, bewailing my sad condition, and praying for mercy. At length I awoke, sweating with fear and horror, and my heart ready to burst. My parents making a profession of godliness at this time-and in the morning, seeing my countenance much cast down and dejected, asked me what was the matter? At this my heart became full, and I could not speak; but assuaging my grief, I told them. They said I should be a good boy, and all would be well. And I thought I must go to prayer after my father every night, which I did. My fame was now told to the parson, who said I was a very good boy, and held me up for a young saint; but I believe he knew not what a saint meant. I think this lasted nearly twelvemonths, when, one night, while my father was at prayer, I tried to get all I could together to make a fine long prayer, when, just as my father had made an end, I had such a sight of God's almighty power, sovereignty, and justice, in condemning me as an awful sinner; and at the same time, stript me of all my fine prayer, showing me my sins, and hypocrisy, and unworthiness; that made me tremble from head to foot, so that all I could say in prayer was, "Oh, Lord, thou art a wise director!" Here ended my prayer for many years, but the dream of the day of judgment never left me till the evening the blessed Jesus spoke peace and pardon, by your mouth, to my poor tempted soul.

But once more for my childhood. When I found I could not pray, I was resolved, though a child, to have my fill of sin, as I thought I was sure to go to hell; and often wished I was a man, thinking what I would do then. However, the Lord caused me to dream again, which has never been off my mind to this moment. The dream was this: I thought in my dream I was under a long arch, or roof, supported by teers of bricks; the opening was toward the south. Here the sea, or harbour, came up close to my feet; the bottom dark and muddy, with many small stones, some of which were very black, others were washed white by the water. As I stood here I cast my eyes toward the east, where I saw a tall robust figure coming towards me. This figure I knew to be Samuel the prophet, who had been dead some hundreds of years. I knew he was in spirit and not in the body, and wondered what should cause him to come from heaven to earth again. I saw his head, arms, legs, and feet, which were as white as snow; his head quite bare, except one lock just above his forehead, which was a pure white; his countenance very pleasant, with a faint red or blush on his cheek. had a long white robe or mantle hung over his right shoulder, and held too by his left arm; on his feet were sandals, held on by straps and buckles. As he approached I was sensible he was coming to me, and wondered what he could want with me, but had no fear of him. He came up to me with a steady step, putting his right hand on my head, saying, "The Lord has sent me to anoint thee." This he did three times, repeating the same words, "The Lord has sent me to anoint thee." The third time he placed his hand on my head he put something which seemed to run down my hair, but what it was I cannot describe; I was not permitted to speak the whole time. He then left me, going the same way he came; and where I first saw him, there I lost sight of him. I awoke, but the dream has never departed from me: and the meaning of it the Lord, in a great measure, keeps me ignorant of. But this dream did neither drive nor win me from my sinful practices.

He

At length I was put apprentice to a shoe-maker, where I soon learnt more wickedness, such as lying, Sabbath-breaking, gambling, and swearing to an awful degree. A course of drinking soon followed, in which I had few equals; I have spent whole days and nights in an ale-house-conscience

accusing the day of judgment in view. I rebelled against it, often cursing God in my heart because he saw all that I did-often wishing I had power to pluck God from his throne and sit in judgment myself. I then thought I would give law to the whole world to sin as they liked; for heaven was not so much to me now as sin; it was so sweet to my nature. But finding I had no power to pluck God from his throne, my heart would rage against him, cursing him in my heart for making the sun to rule by day, that my deeds were seen of men, and for making the moon and stars to rule by night, for I liked dark nights because my deeds were evil; as I now became the talk of the town. Then, again, conscience would tell me that God could see through the dark shades of night-that nothing could be hid from his allseeing eye; then I would fly to singing of songs, gambling, drunkenness, and rioting, to drown and stifle conscience. Thus I went on, till I was about eighteen years of age, when the Lord laid his afflicting hand upon me, by which I was a great sufferer, but not a repenting prodigal, for I had no thoughts of heaven or hell, death or judgment. I had kept my bed seven weeks when, after passing one night of the most excruciating pains, so that in the morning I could not speak, and both my sight and hearing much impaired, and I lay motionless-I remember my parents saying, one to another, as they looked at me, "He is going very fast; the Lord's will must be done." Then an old nurse, that lived next door, came to the foot of my bed and looked at me, and said, "Oh! poor young man, he is going as fast as he can go." And I thought so, too; but had not the least thought of what would become of my immortal soul. Thus I lived like a devil, and should have died like a brute, had not God in rich mercy prevented me. So near was I brought to death, that the persons in the room, and what they said, seemed at so great a distance that I could scarcely hear or see them; but the Lord, who meant to raise me up again, caused me to fall into a sleep, and a sweat came on, so that when I awoke, the bed clothes, with myself, was as though it had been dipt in a pond. From this I began to recover, and promised an amendment of life; but "cursed is the man that maketh flesh his arm," for as soon as I got well enough to get out, I returned to my old companions in sin, and to worse lengths than ever.

My name now got so bad in Chichester, that I was resolved to leave it; so I went to a sea-port town, determined to amend myself; but here I got worse, if that could be, for now I could gamble all day on a Sunday, as well as any other day. After a time I returned to Chichester again, and began to get somewhat sick of my past life, but knew not how to alter it; so I thought I would get married, which I did, to the woman that is now my wife. I thought this would be a sure cure for my drunkenness, but I soon began my old course, so that neither of us had bread to eat at times. After due time we had a son born, of whom I shall speak of hereafter. The Lord now sent an affliction in my eyes, and I was obliged to go and serve the bricklayers; this was a dreadful blow to my pride. My eyes getting better, I now returned to my trade, still following my old course. At length I took in "Cook's Geography," to amuse myself on a Sunday, instead of going to an ale-house; but here the Lord began sorely to afflict and cross me in providence, insomuch that all our things were in pledge except what we stood upright in; but my Geography I still held fast. At last my idol was forced to be sold to pay our rent, and I cursed most fearfully. At last I thought I would read the historical parts of the Bible; having read that, I thought I would look and see how Christ made out in his day, where I saw two passages that filled my heart so full that I knew not how to keep from showing my feelings, which I was ashamed my wife should see. One of the passages was, Mary, I ascend to your Father and my Father, to your

God and my God." I thought how good Jesus was to say this to Mary, and I would then have given all the world to have been like her. I thought how she must feel-how her heart must be broken at hearing such words come from so kind a Jesus. The other passage was, "I pray not for these alone, but for all them that may believe on me through thy word." Here I saw another beauty in Jesus, in praying for poor sinners. I never saw this Scripture for years afterwards, till, in my soul's distress, the blessed Spirit brought it to my remembrance. However, this did not alter my base life, in which my wife and six children were brought to the workhouse. Oh, what a devil by nature is man! But neither wife, children, sickness, nor my conscience often alarmed; nor did the entreaties of friends make any alteration in me. After a time my wife and family were restored to me. I still went on in sin, but not quite so bad. I had my children often crying for bread and none to give them. I now began to think I would pray to God for some bread, which I did; I went on my knees and asked the Lord for a loaf of bread, telling him, if he would give me a loaf, I would be much better, and swear no more. I had not long been off my knees when I had a loaf given me; this filled my heart to see God's goodness to such a sinner as I. Thus I went on, often falling as bad as ever again, then wanting bread, then on my knees begging the Lord for more, always promising to be better in future, and always sure to break through all my vows. Then I was determined to set up a reformation in my family in keeping the Sabbath myself, and hearing my children read; but all this and many more vows I broke.

Finding I could by no means procure a living for my family, by shoemaking, on account of my eyesight, I asked the Lord to provide something else for me; but in all this my soul, and the souls of my family, were out of my mind. The Lord accordingly sent me a place at a coal-yard, to serve coals by the bushel; here I made a good living, so bid the Lord and honest conscience good bye, and again took to swearing in a most awful and shocking manner, with drinking at the same time; but my conscience would rebuke me at times, and would be heard in spite of oaths, or the ale-house, or the gun, which I was very much addicted to. Thus I went on for nearly two years-sometimes the Lord afflicting me in body, so that my life has been despaired of; and my eldest boy often praying me on his knees not to swear, and to be a good man; then he would turn to the bed with his face in his hands, and, I believe, prayed to the Lord for me; but nothing would do. At last this boy fell sick, which sickness was unto death; and I believe is now where "the wicked cease from troubling, and the weary are at rest.” In his sickness he talked much to me about a future state, in which I could not answer him. In talking to me, one day, about my being a great sinner, I could not help shedding tears, which the boy seeing, said, "Never mind, father, if you commit any more sin I will pray for you." I thought this would have broken my heart-first, in seeing how hard I had been to him, and beholding his love for me; then I thought what a sinner I must be, for my child to see it so plainly. He died at the age of twelve years, in 1821. I had, for some time before his death, prayed the Lord to restore him; but at last I could pray for this no longer, but could pray the Lord to enable me to know, by the boy's leaving a testimony behind him, that he was gone to heaven, if he would not pardon me-which the Lord was pleased to grant Some time after this boy's death I began to see what an awful race I had run, and what a sinner I was; seeing, at the same time, how the Lord had heard my prayers concerning my child, leaving something behind him to give me to hope of his safety. I now thought to myself, "Surely the Lord heard me concerning my child, who can tell but that he may hear me for

myself?" But God's law was not yet sent home to my conscience in its condemning power, nor were my sins set in order before me; but soon after this I was coming down-stairs, one morning, with our infant in my arms; when about half-way down these words sounded in my ears, heart, and conscience and penetrated my very soul-" Depart, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels.' Horror now seized me; and how I got down-stairs I know not, for I fully thought the stairs would give way with me, and I should go down to hell alive. "Lord," said I, "let me lay the infant out of my arms before I go down to the pit." At length I got down-stairs, where my wife was, who in a few minutes went out to work for the day. I was now left alone with the infant in my arms, expecting every moment to see the floor open and the flames of hell burst forth and swallow me up alive; I then laid the child in the cradle, which fell asleep; I looked at it. "Oh," said I, "sweet dear, you are happy asleep, but I, your father, shall be in hell in another minute!" My sins, from my childhood, were now all set before me, and I could not deny one. I drew my chair back, as I sat, till I got against the wall, but the flames, as I thought, still followed me; my bowels at the same time were in a burning heat, which I cannot describe, and my mouth was parched with heat. I thought of praying the Lord to show mercy, but feared to get out of my chair to go on my knees lest the devils (for I thought there were many waiting for me) should catch hold of me, and I should be carried off that way; so that I sat expecting every moment to be in hell; and feared to cry for mercy, lest God should strike me dead, or the devils should lay hold of me, and so I should be hurried away, soul and body, alive.

66

but

David tells us. "the pains of hell gat hold upon him, and he found trouble and sorrow." To this truth my soul is a witness; but the blessed Jesus, who is the poor sinner's everlasting unchangeable friend, gave me strength equal to the day of anguish he had brought me into—enabled me to get up out of my chair, and I went, wringing my hands and trembling, up-stairs, expecting, every step I trod, for the floor to give way and let me down into perdition; at last I got up-stairs, but was afraid to go on my knees, lest I should be struck dead as a vile reprobate; but nothing was to be heard in my soul but, Depart, ye cursed." At length I got on my knees, but all I could say was, "Lord, don't send me to hell; do have mercy; O Lord God, be merciful, though I am a great sinner; Lord, save, or I must, I shall perish; Lord, spare me another day-another hour-a few minutes, O Lord, that I may call upon thee once more before I go down to hell." This torment lasted about three hours, in which time I was on my knees times; many the pains of hell a little abated (for I can call them no less), and I ventured out to see a godly man, as I thought; but how did I fear being killed all the way I went! I told him all my distress and my fear, but he had no balm of Gilead-no well-spring of life within him-no soul to draw out to the hungry; only said he was glad of it. This was all the consolation I got; so that I went home again thinking now all was over and lost, for this man could give me no hope (indeed, I believe he did not understand my language); so that I thought it was no use to pray, but for the life of me I could not keep from it. When night came I feared the house would fall and kill me; and when the morning came for me to carry out my coals, I feared, lest a tree, a brick, a chimney, or a tile; or if I met a dog, or a man, a horse, cow, or an ox-nay, everything I feared was going to destroy me that I saw. I now left off my drinking, swearing, and gambling, and the devil got me up into a spirit of pride, telling me how much I was reformed, and to despise my neighbours. I think this lasted about twelve months (for as yet I had not seen the hidden iniquities of my heart), when one day, as I sat on my seat, this Scripture was brought to