Forbear, forbear, thy vain amufements cease, Thy woodcocks from their gins awhile release; 165 And to that dire misfortune liften well, Which thou fhould't fear to know, or I to tell. Tis true, thou ever waft efteem'd by me The great Alcides of our company.

When we with noble fcorn refolv d to eafe 170
Ourfelves from all parochial offices;

And to our wealthier patients left the care
And draggled dignity of fcavenger;
Such zeal in that affair thou didst exprefs,
Nought could be equal, but the great fuccefs. 175
Now call to mind thy generous prowess past,

Be what thou fhould'ft by thinking what thou waft:

The faculty of Warwick-lane defign,

If not to ftorm, at least to undermine.

Their gates each day ten thousand night-caps

croud,

And mortars utter their attempts aloud. 181
If they should once unmask our mystery,
Each nurfe, ere long, would be as learn'd as we;
Our art expos'd to every vulgar eyeè;
And none in complaifance to us, would die. 185
What if we claim their right t' afsassinate,
Muft they needs turn apothecaries ftraight?
Prevent it, Gods! all ftratagems we try,
To croud with new inhabitants your sky.
'Tis we who wait the Deftinies' command,
To purge the troubled air, and weed the land.
And dare the college infolently aim
To equal our fraternity in fanie?

190

195

Then let crabs-eyes with pearl for virtue try,
Or Highgate-hill with lofty Pindus vie;
So glow-worms may compare with Titan's beams,
And Hare-court pump with Aganippe's ftreams.
Our manufactures now they meanly fell,
And their true value treacherously tell;
Nay, they difcover too, their spite is fuch,
That health, than crowns more valued, cofts not
much;

200

Whilft we must fteer our conduct by these rules, To cheat as tradefmen, or to starve as fools.

205

At this fam'd Horofcope turn'd pale, and ftraight
In filence tumbled from his chair of state:
The croud in great confufion fought the door,
And left the Magus fainting on the floor;
Whilft in his breaft the fury breath'd a storm,
Then fought her cell, and re-affum'd her form.
Thus from the fore although the infect flies, 210
It leaves a brood of maggots in difguife.

Officious Squirt* in hafte forfook his shop,
To fuccour the expiring Horoscope.
Oft' he effay'd the Magus to restore,
By falt of Succinum's prevailing power;
Yet ftill fupine the folid lumber lay,
An image of fcarce-animated clay;
Till Fates, indulgent when difafters call,
By Squirt's nice hand apply'd a urinal.

Ver. 202.

VARIATION S.

Whilft we, at our expenfe, muft persevere, And for another world, be ruin'd here.

* Dr. Barnard's man.

215

15

Of what fhrill Colon faid the day before.
Cowflips and poppies o'er his eyes he spread, 5
And Salmon's works he laid beneath his head.
Eut thofe blefs'd opiates ftill in vain he tries,
Sleep's gentle image his embraces flies:
Tumultuous cares lay rolling in his breast,
And thus his anxious thoughts the fage exprcft. 10
Oft' has this planet roll'd around the fun,
Since to confult the fkies I first begun :
Such my applause, so mighty my fuccefs,
Some granted my predictions more than guefs.
But, doubtful as I am, I'll entertain
This faith, there can be no mistake in gain.
For the dull world muft honour pay to thefe,
Who on their understanding moft impofe.
First man creates, and then he fears the elf;
Thus others cheat him not, but he himself;
He loaths the fubftance, and he loves the show;
You'll ne'er convince a fool, himself is fo:
He hates realities, and hugs the cheat,
And fill the only pleafure's the deceit.
Which no exiftence has, but in the eye.
So meteors flatter with a dazzling dye,
As diftant profpects pleafe us, but when near
We find but defert rocks and flecting air;
From ftratagem to ftratagem we run,
And he knows moft, who latest is undone.

20

25

30

Mankind one day ferene and free appear; The next, they're cloudy, fullen, and fevere: New pathons new opinions ftill excite; And what they like at noon they leave at night. They gain with labour what they quit with eafe; 35 And health, for want of change, becomes difeafe. Religion's bright authority they dare, And yet are flaves to fuperftitious fear. They counfel others, but themselves deceive; And though they're cozen'd ftill, they ftill believe.

40

So falfe their cenfure, fickle their efteem, This hour they worship, and the next blafpheme. Shall I then, who with penetrating fight Infpect the springs that guide cach appetite; Who with unfathom'd fearches hourly pierce 45 The dark receffes of the universe;

Be aw'd, if puny emmets would opprefs;
Or fear their fury, or their name carefs?
If all the fiends that in low darkness reign
Be not the fictions of a fickly brain,
That profpect, the Difpenfary they call,
Before the moon can blunt her horns, fhall fall.
With that, a glance from mild Aurora's eyes
Shoots through the cryftal kingdoms of the fkies.
The favage kind in forefts cease to roam, 55
And fots, o'ercharg'd, with nauseous loads, reel
home;

Drums, trumpets, haut boys, wake the lumbering pair,

Whilft bridegroom fighs, and think s the bride lefs fair;

Light's chearful fmiles o'er th' azure wafte are fpread ;

And Mifs from inns of courts bolts out unpaid; 60.
The Sage, tranfported at th' approaching hour,
Imperiously thrice thunder'd on the floor;
Officious Squirt that moment had accefs,
His trust was great, his vigilance no lefs.
To him thus Horofcope:

65

70

80

My kind compaflion in this dire affair, Which is more light, fince you affume a share; Fly with what hafte you us'd to do of old, When clyfter was in danger to be cold; With expedition on the beadle call, To fummon all the company to the hall. Away the friendly coadjutor flies, Swift as from phial fteams of harts-horn rife. The Magus in the interim mumbles o'er Vile terms of art to fome infernal power, And draws myfterious circles on the floor. But from the gloomy vault no glaring fpright Afcends, to blaft the tender bloom of light. No myftic founds from hell's detefted womb In dufky exhalation's upwards come. And now to raise an altar he decrees, To that devouring harpy call d Disease: Then flowers in canifters he haftes to bring, The wither'd product of a blighted fpring; With cold folanum from the Pontic fhore, The roots of mandrake and black hellebore; The griper fenna, and the puker rue, The fweetener faffafras, are added too; And on the ftructure next he heaps a load Of fulphur, turpentine, and maftic wood; Gums, foflils too, the pyramids increas'd; A mummy next, once monarch of the east; Then from the compter he takes down the file, And with prefcriptions lights the folemn pile.

85

Feebly the flames on clumfy wings afpire, 95 And fmothering fogs of fmoke benight the fire. With forrow he beheld the fad portent, Then to the hag thefe orifons he fent :

Difeafe! thou ever molt propitious power, Whofe kind indulgence we difcern each hour! Ico Thou well canft boast thy numerous pedigree, Begot by floth, maintain'd by luxury.

115

If, in return, all diligence we pay To fix your empire, and confirm your fway, 11 Far as the weekly-bills can reach around, From Kent-ftreet end, to fam'd St. Giles's Pound; Behold this poor libation with a smile, And let aufpicious light break through the pile. He spoke; and on the pyramid he laid Bay-leaves and vipers-hearts, and thus he said: As these confume in this myfterious fire, So let the curs'd Difpenfary expire! And as thofe crackle in the flames, and die, So let its veffels burft, and glaffes fly! But a finiiter cricket ftraight was heard; The altar fell, the offering difappear'd. As the fam'd wight the omen did regret, Squirt brought the news the company was met. Nigh where Flect-ditch defcends in fable ftreams,

120

126

To wash his footy Naiads in the Thames;
There ftands a ftructure on a rifing hill,
Where Tyros take their freedom out to kill.
Some pictures in thefe dreadful shambles tell,
How, by the Delian god, the Python fell; 130
And how Medea did the philtre brew,
That could in Efon's veins young force renew ;
How mournful Myrrha for her crimes appears,
And heals hysteric matrons ftill with tears;
How Mentha and Althea, nymphs no more, 135
Revive in facred plants, and health restore;
How fanguine fwains their amorous hours repent,
When pleafare's paft, and pains are permanent;
And how frail nymphs oft', by abortion, aim
To lofe a fubftance, to preferve a name.

140

Soon as each member in his rank was lac'd, The affembly Diafenna thus addrefs'd:

My kind confederates, if my poor intent, As 'tis fincere, has been but prevalent, We here had met on fome more fafe defign, 145 And on no other bufinefs but to dine; The Faculty had ftill maintain'd their fway, And intereft then had bid us but obey; This only emulation we had known, Who beft could fill his purie, and thin the town. 150 But now from gathering clouds deftruction pours, Which ruins with mad rage our halcyon hours: Mills from black jealoufies the tempeft form, Whilst late divifions reinforce the form. Know, when thefe feuds, like thofe at law, were paft,

156

160

The winners will be lofers at the la.
Like heroes in fea-fights we feek renown;
To fire fome hoftile fhip, we burn our own.
Whoe'er throws duft against the wind, defcrics
He throws it, in effect, but in his eyes.
That juggler which another's fleight will show,
But teaches how the world his own may know,
Thrice happy were thofe golden days of old,
When dear as burgundy, ptifans were fold;

Gilforp, an arothecary.

When patients chofe to die with better will, 165
Than breathe, and pay th' apothecary's bill :
And, cheaper than for our affiflance call,
Might go to Aix or Bourbon, fpring and fall.
Then priests increas'd, and piety decay'd,
Churchmen the church's purity betray'd,
Their lives and doctrine flaves and atheists made.
The laws were but the hireling judge's fenfe;
Juries were fway'd by venal evidence.
Fools were promoted to the council-board,
Tools to the bench, and bullies to the fword. 175
Penfions in private were the fenate's aim;
And patriots for a place abandon'd fame.

But now no influencing art remains,
For Somers has the feal, and Naffau reigns.
And we, in spite of our refolves, muft bow, 180
And fuffer by a reformation too.

For now late jars our practices detect,

And mines, when once difcover'd, lofe effect.
Diffenfions, like fmall ftreams, are firft begun,
Scarce ften they rife, but gather as they run: 185
So lines that from their parallel decline,
More they proceed, the more they still disjoin.
'Tis therefore my advice, in hafte we fend,
And beg the Faculty to be our friend;
Send warms of patients, and our quarrels end.
So awful beadles, if the vagrant treat,
Straight turn familiar, and their fafces quit.
In vain we but contend, that planet's power
Thofe vapours can difperfe it rais'd before.
As he prepar'd the mifchief to recite,
Keen Colocynthus paus'd, and foam'd with
fpite.

195

Sour ferments on his fhining furface fwim,
Work up the froth, and bubble o'er the brim:
Not beauties fret fo much if freckles come,
Or nofe fhould redden in the drawing-room; 200
Or lovers that mistake th' appointed hour,
Or in the lucky minute want the power.

Thus he-Thou fcandal of great Pæan's art,
At thy approach the springs of nature start,
The nerves unbrace: nay, at the fight of thee, 205
A fcratch turns cancer, itch a leprosy.
Could't thou propofe, that we, the friends of fates,
Who fill churchyards, and who unpeople ftates,
Who baffle nature, and difpofe of lives, 209
Whilft Ruffelt, as we pleafe, or starves or thrives,

Ver. 182.

VARIATION S.

But now late jars our practices detect,
For mines, when once difcover'd, lofe th' effect.
Diffenfions, like fmall ftreams, are first begun,
Scarce feen they rife, but gather as they run.
So lines that from their parallel decline,
More they advance, the more they ftill disjoin.
"Tis therefore my advice, in hafte we fend,
And beg the Faculty to be our friend.
As he revolving stood to fay the reit,
Rough Colocynthus thus his rage expreft.

• Dare, an apothecary.

† A celebrated undertaker of funerals. VOL. IV.

To die, is landing on fome filent fhore,
Where billows never break, nor tempefts roar :
Ere well we feel the friendly ftroke, 'tis o'er.
The wife through thought th' infults of death defy;
The fools, through bleft infenfibility.
"Tis what the guilty fear, the pious crave;
Sought by the wretch, and vanquish'd by the
brave.

It cafes lovers, fets the captive free;
And, though a tyrant, offers liberty.

230

Sound but to arms, the foe fhall foon confefs Our force increafes, as our funds grow lefs; 235 And what requir'd fuch induftry to raise, We'll fcatter into nothing as we pleafe. Thus they'll acknowledge, to annihilate Shews no lefs wondrous power than to create. We'll raife our numerous cohorts, and oppofe 240 The feeble forces of our pigmy foes; Legions of quacks fhall join us on the place, From great Kirleus down to doctor Cafe. Though fuch vile rubbish fink, yet we fhall rife; Directors ftill fecure the greatest prize. Such poor fupports ferve only like a flay; he tree once fix'd, its reft is torn away. So patriots, in time of peace and ease, Forget the fury of the late disease: On dangers paft ferenely think no more, And curfe the hand that heal'd the wound before. Arm therefore, gallant friends, 'tis honour's

call;

Or let us boldly fight, or bravely fall!

pretence;

245

250

260

To this the feflion feem'd to give confent, Much lik'd the war, but dreaded much th' event. At length, the growing difference to compofe, 256 Two brothers, nam'd Afcarides, arofe. Both had the volubility of tongue, In meaning faint, but in opinion ftrong. To fpeak they both affum'd a like The elder gain'd his juft pre-eminence. Thus he 'Tis true, when privilege and right Are once invaded, honour bids us fight. But ere we once engage in honour's caufe, First know what honour is, and whence it was. 265 Scorn'd by the bafe, 'tis courted by the brave, The hero's tyrant, and the coward's flave; Born in the noify camp, it lives on air, And both exifts by hope and by dApair;

*The Pearces, apothecaries.

C

Angry whene'er a moment's cafe we gain,
And reconcil'd at our returns of pain.
It lives, when in death's arms the hero lies:
But when his fafety he confults, it dies.
Bigoted to this idol, we disclaim

Reft, health, and cafe, for nothing but a name. 275 Then let us, to the field before we move, Know, if the gods our enterprize approve. Suppofe th' unthinking Faculty unveil

What we, through wifer conduct, would conccal:

Is't reafon we should quarrel with the glafs 280
That fhews the monftrous features of our face?
Or
grant fome
grave pretenders have of late
Thought fit an innovation to create;
Soon they'll repent what rafhly they begun :
Though projects pleafe, projectors are undone. 285
All novelties muft this fuccefs expect,

When good, our envy; and when bad, neglect:
If reafon could direct, ere now each gate
Had born fome trophy of triumphal state;
Temples had told how Greece and Belgia owe 296
Troy and Namur to Jove and to Naffau.

295

300

Then, fince no veneration is allow'd, Or to the real, or th' appearing good; The project that we vainly apprehend Muft, as it blindly rofe, as vilely end. Some members of the Faculty there are, Who intereft prudently to oaths prefer. Our friendship with feign'd airs they poorly court, And boat, their politics are our support: Them we'll confult about this enterprize, And boldly execute what they advise. But from below, while fuch resolves they took, Some Arum Fulminans the fabric fhook. The champions, daunted at the crack, retreat, Regard their fafety, and their rage forget. 305 So when at Bathos earth's big offspring ftrove To fcale the fkies, and wage a war with Jove; Soon as the afs of old Silenus bray'd, The trembling rebels in confufion fed.

Long has this darling quarter of the town, For lewdness, wit, and gallantry, been known. All forts meet here, of whatfoe'er degree, To blend and juftle into harmony.

IQ

15

20

25.

The critics each adventurous author fcan,
And praife or cenfure as they like the man.
The weeds of writings for the flowers they cull
So nicely taftelefs, fo correctly duli !
The politicians of Parnaffus prate,
And poets canvafs the affairs of state;
The cits ne'er talk of trade and stock, but tell
How Virgil writ, how bravely Turnus fell.
The country-dames drive to Hippolito's,
First find a spark, and after lofe a nose.
The lawyer for lac'd coat the robe does quit,
He grows a madman, and then turns a wit.
And in th' cloister penfive Strephon waits,
Till Cloe's hackney comes, and then retreats; 34
And if th' angenerous nymph a fhaft lets fly,
More fatally than from a fparkling eye,
Mirmillo, that fam'd Opifer, is nigh.

30

40

The trading tribe oft' thither throng to dine, And want of elbow-room fupply in wine. Cloy'd with variety, they furfeit there, Whilft the wan patients on thin gruel fare. "Twas here the champions of the party met, Of their heroic enterprife to treat. Each hero a tremendous air put on, And ftern Mirmillo in these words begun : 45 'Tis with concern, my friends, I meet you here; No grievance you can know, but I must share. 'Tis plain, my intereft you've advanc'd fo long, Each fee, though I was niute, would find a tongue. And, in return, though I have ftrove to rend 50 Thofe ftatutes, which on oath I fhouid defend; Such arts are trifles to a generous mind: Great fervices, as great returns fhould find. And you'll perceive, this hand, when glory calls Can brandifh arms as well as urinals.

55

60

For, fave or flay, this privilege we claim,
Though credit fuffers, the reward's the fame. 65
What though the art of healing we pretend,
He that defigns it leaft, is moft a friend.
Into the right we err, and muit confefs
To overfights we often owe fuccefs.

* Dr. Gibbons.

85

Has fomething killing in it, like your art;
How much we to your boundle s friendfhip owe,
Our files can speak, and your prescriptions show.
Your ink defcends in fuch exceffive fhowers,
"Tis plain, you can regard no health but ours.
Whilt poor pretenders puzzle o'er a case,
You but appear, and give the coup de grace.
O that near Xanthus' banks you had but dwelt,
When Ilium firft Achaian fury felt!
The horned river then had curs'd in vain
Young Peleus' arm, that chok'd his stream with
flain;

95

100

No trophies you had left for Greeks to raife; 91 Their ten years toil, you'd finish in ten days. Fate fimiles on your attempts; and, when you lift, In vain the cowards fly, or brave resist. Then let us arm, we need not fear fuccefs; No labours are too hard for Hercules. Our military en£igns we'll difplay; Conquefts purfues, where courage leads the way. To this defign fhrill Querpo + did agree, A zealous member of the faculty; His fire's pretended pious fteps he treads, And where the Doctor fails, the Saint fuccecds. A conventicle flesh'd his greener years, And his full age the righteous rancour shares. Thus boys hatch game-eggs under birds of prey, To make the fowl more furious for the fray. 106 'Slow Carus next difcover'd his intent, With painful paufes muttering what he meant. His fparks of life, in fpite of drugs, retreat, So cold, that only calentures can heat. In his chill veins the fluggish puddle flows, And loads with lazy fogs his fable brows. Legions of lunaticks about him prefs; His province is, loft reafon to redress. So when perfumes their fragrant feent give o'er, Nought can their odour, like a jakes, reftore. 116 When for advice the vulgar throng, he's found With lumber of vile books belieg'd around. The gazing throng acknowledge their furprize, And, deaf to reafon, ftill confult their eyes. 120 Well he perceives, the world will often find, To catch the eye is to convince the mind. Thus a weak ftate hy wife diftruft inclines To numerous forcs, and ftrength in magazines. So fools are always most profufe of words, 125 And cowards never fail of longeft fwords. Abandon'd authors here a refuge meet,

110

And hom the world to dust and worms retreat.

Here dregs and fediment of auctions reign,
Refufe of fairs, and gleanings of Duck-lane. 130
And up thefe walls much Gothic lumber climbs,
With Swifs philofophy, and Runic rhymes.
Hither, retriev'd from cooks and grocers, come
Mede's works entire, and endlefs reams of Blome.
Where would the long-neglected Collins fly, 135
If bounteous Carus fhould refufe to buy?
But each vile fcribbler's happy on this score:
He'll find fome Carus ftill to read him o'er.

14€

Nor muft we the obfequious Umbra * fpare,
Who foft by nature, yet declar'd for war.
But when feme rival power invades a right,
Flies fet on flies, and turtles turtles fight.
Elfe courteous Umbra to the last had been
Demurely meck, infipidly ferene.

With him, the prefent ftill fome virtues have; 145
The vain are sprightly; and the ftupid, grave;
The flothful, negligent; the foppish, neat;
The lewd are airy; and the fly, difcreet;
A Wren, an Eagle; a Baboon, a Beau;
Colt, a Lycurgus; and a Phocion, Rowe ‡. 150
Heroic ardour now th' affembly warms,
Each combatant breathes nothing but alarms.
For future glory while the scheme is laid,
Tam'd Horoscope thus offers to diffunde:

Since of each enterprize th' event's unknown,155
We'll quit the fword, and hearken to the gown.
Nigh lives Vagellius, one reputed long
For ftrength of lungs, and pliancy of tongue.
For fees, to any form he moulds a caufe,
The worst has merits, and the beft has flaws. 160
Five guineas make a criminal to-day;
And ten to-morrow wipe the ftain away.
Whatever he affirms is undeny'd,
Milo's the Lecher, Clodius th' Homicide;
Cato pernicious, Catiline a faint,
Orford fufpected, Duncomb innocent.
To law then, friends, for 'tis by Fate decreed,
Vagellus, and our money, fhall fucceed.
Know, when I first invok'd Difeafe by charms
To prove propitious to our future arms,
Ill omens did the facrifice attend,
Nor would the Sybil from her grot afcend.
As Horofcope urg'd farther to be heard,
He thus was interrupted by a Bard § :

In vain your magic myfteries you use,
Such founds the Sybil's facred ears abuse.
Thefe lines the pale divinity fhall raife,
Such is the power of found, and force of lays.

66

165

170

175

Arms meet with arms, fauchions with fau"chions clath,

"And fparks of fire ftruck out from armour flash. "Thick clouds of duft contending warriors raife, " And hideous war o'er all the region brays.