ART. XVIII. A Philofophical, Hiftorical, and Moral Effay on Ola Maids. By a Friend to the Sifterhood. 8vo. 3 Vols. 10s. 6d. fewed. Cadell. THIS HIS entertaining work was published in the latter end of the year 1785, and we are forry to fay, has not been brought forward in our Review. The omiffion did not proceed from any neglect of an Author, who (if we are rightly informed) has entertained the Public with a variety of poems, often fublime, frequently pathetic, and always elegant. From the cast of this writer's former compofitions, we did not expect a work, in which an accurate knowledge of common life, and also wit, humour, and polite raillery are happily blended. But Mr. Hayley (for we take him to be the Author) has fhewn that versatility of genius, that can pass (as Pope expreffed, after Boileau) from grave to gay, from lively to fevere. This extraordinary performance is dedicated to Mrs. Elizabeth Carter, the celebrated tranflator of Epictetus, whom the writer fays he refpects in three diftinct characters, as a poet, a philofopher, and an old maid. In his introduction, Mr. Hayley obferves, that d'Alembert had written in France an admirable effay on thofe unfortunate beings called Authors; and a worthy philanthropist of our own country (the late Jonas Hanway), with equal goodnefs of heart, produced a treatise on chimney-fweepers. In emulation of thofe writers, the Effay on Old Maids was written. With a new fpecies of Quixotism, the Author dedicates himself to the fervice of ancient virginity, with a defign to redrefs the wrongs of the autumnal maiden, and to place her, if poffible, in a ftate of honour, content, and comfort. Of the farcastic expreffions of contempt, too often caft upon the fifterhood, fome, it is acknowledged, are brought on them by their own errors and mifconduct; and to place those errors in their true light, is the Author's aim in the outset of his work. But, it feems, a preliminary difficulty occurs. At what period of life may the æra of old maidifm be faid to begin? Young Miffes of twenty confider their unmarried friends as old maids at thirty. Thofe of thirty advance the time to forty-five: and fome ladies at fifty have very different thoughts on the fubject, affecting to call thofe, who are three or four years younger than themselves, by the infantine appellation of girls. "Afk where's the North? at York 'tis on the Tweed; In Scotland at the Orcades, and there At Greenland, Zembla, or the Lord knows where." To folve this difficult problem, the Author obferves, that the unwelcome title of Old Maid is generally given by the world to all unmarried ladies at the age of forty, and therefore refolves to comply, in fome measure, with that common and vulgar preju dice, in a dilemma where neither female wit nor mafculine knowledge has drawn the line with precifion. Hence we are to understand that the æra of old maidism begins with all unmarried ladies at the age of forty, or, at leaft, that they are, at that point of time, to be confidered as in their noviciate, foon to be profelfed members of the venerable fifterhood, and if not within the gates, ftanding upon the threshold of that community. This knotty point being fettled, the fituation of old maids is next confidered. Under this head, their fate generally is, after paffing the fprightly years of youth in the manfion of an opulent father, to take fhelter in fome contracted lodging in a country town, attended by a fingle female fervant, and there to live, with difficulty, on the intereft of two or three thousand pounds, paid reluctantly, and perhaps irregularly, by an avaricious or extravagant brother, who confiders the maintenance of a fifter as an heavy incumbrance on his paternal eftate. In this retreat, the old maid muft be liable to many painful reflections, and particularly to the mortification of not having been able to fettle happily in marriage. For who to cold virginity a prey, The pleafing hope of marriage e'er refign'd; Nor caft one longing, lingering look behind? As Gray (whom our Author calls an old maid in breeches) defcribed himself as a folitary fly, the fame appellation is given to the maiden lady, with this addition, that he is a fly in the autumn, when the departure of the fun has put an end to all its lively flutter. In that ftate, the want of fuccefs will not be imputed to the want of merit. Hence arifes a fwarm of fretful thoughts, vexation, fpleen, refentment, and forrow, forming altogether a diforder, for which language has no name, being a compound of mental and bodily diftemper, more difficult to cure than any other malady whatever. To fenfations of this kind our Author attributes the fact, recorded by Plutarch, and mentioned by his two amiable modern rivals, Montaigne and Addifon, namely, the felf-murder of the Milefian virgins. The ftory is well known. The unmarried females of Miletus were feized with a rage for fuicide, fo violent, that nothing could reftrain it, till a law was enacted, ordering the body of every one, who died by her own hand, to be exhibited a naked fpectacle to public The fenfe of fhame prevailed over every other paffion, and the maiden ladies, from a principle of modefty, were willing to endure the load of life. In modern times, old maids are often heard to declare that their condition is the effect of their own choice. They never wished to marry, and their ftate is the moft comfortable in human life. Such declarations feldom gain credit. Whoever speaks that language, is thought to wear the mafk mafk of hypocrify. To confirm this, our Author tells the frank confeffion of one of the fifterhood, who freely declared, "that the wife may have her load of anxieties, but the old maid is like a blafted tree in the middle of a wide common." Sentiments like thefe would fecure old maids from the contempt and raillery, with which they are generally infulted by the world. They are. too frequently treated with fcorn and derifion, but, in general, the ladies of this clafs may thank their own conduct. Mr. Hayley therefore proceeds to confider the failings of old maids, affigning to each foible a distinct chapter. The Curiofity of old maids is fully difcuffed under this head, our Author obferves, that, when the mind is not roused to a rational exercise of its powers, by the interesting cares, or the elegant amufements of domeftic life, it is apt to perplex itself in a conftant feries of idle purfuits and frivolous enquiries. In confequence of this, the old maid, having no cares at home, fends her thoughts abroad, and becomes, by habit, a perpetual fpy upon the conduct of her neighbours. She defires to fee all that can be feen, to hear all that can be heard, and to ask more queftions than can well be answered: as if encrease of appetite did grow, by what it fed on. This old maidifh habit fubjects the fifterhood to the fchemes of those who delight in tormenting them. We have a ftory of a frolicfome gentleman, who used to lay fnares to draw the folitary but curious female into ridiculous fituations: he called it angling for old maids. It is obfervable, that the curiofity of the maiden ladies leads them, for the most part, to pry into the fecrets of the matrimonial life: they like to know what is doing in that ftate, which they despair of obtaining. If a young perfon of their acquaintance marries, their first question is, is the breeding, is the with child? And if they fufpect that an intrigue is going on between the wife and her gallant, or the hufband and his miftrefs, the fuperannuated females are ever on the watch, at all hours of the day and night, to make the important difcovery. Whatever can proceed from the union of the fexes, they defire to know. To confirm these obfervations, the Author inferts a narrative of particular inftances, that fell within his own experience. The Credulity of old maids is the fubject of the next chapter. The Author quotes from the Spectator the following paffage: "An old maid, that is troubled with the vapours, produces infinite difturbances among her friends and neighbours by her fuperftitious credulity. I know a maiden aunt of a great family, who is one of thofe antiquated Sibyls, that forebodes and prophefies from one end of the year to the other. She is always feeing apparitions and hearing death watches, and was the other day almoft frighted out of her wits by the great houfe-dog, that howled in the ftable, at a time when he lay ill of the tooth-ache." Such Such was female credulity in the days of Addison. At prefent, the mode is altered. The old maid of this day bufies herfelf with matter more than with fpirit. Inftead of feeing apparitions in the vacant air, fhe fees a lover in every man by whom fhe is civilly accofted. She finds a hint of marriage in every compliment. She builds caftles in the air; and as faft as one fabric of amorous illufion is deftroyed, fhe is fure to erect another in its place. Her memory is ftored with hiftories of love at first fight. She tells you of conquefts made by accidentally looking out at a window, and this confequently becomes her favourite amusement. On a Lord Mayor's day, the'is fure of wounding an Alderman or a Sheriff. By this turn of mind, the ancient lady is always in danger of falling a prey to the race of men called fortune-hunters. A ftory is related of Flaccilla, who ran away with an Irish footman. The Author fays, he needs not dwell on this kind of credulity, as it has been exhibited in a ludicrous and lively manner in Mr. Murphy's comedy of two Acts, called "THE OLD MAID." In that piece, however, it is treated with ridicule, whereas it may fairly be confidered as an object of compaffion. It proceeds from the most natural of human wishes, the wifh of being beloved. But this amiable defire, when the bloom of life is over, is always feen in a ridiculous light; and men find a ftrong degree of pleasure in sporting with a weakness, which, at leaft, is innocent. To illuftrate this pofition, the ftory of Harriot Afpin, a maiden lady near the age of fifty, is told in an elegant manner, and with circumftances highly tender and pathetic. The Affectation of old maids is the next foible that paffes in review. This folly, in whatever form it appears, is fure to defeat its own end. It renders even youth and beauty difgufting; and what must be its effect, when it obtrudes itself in the ftiff figure, and with the hard features, of the antiquated virgin? In ladies of that defcription, there are three kinds of affectation; namely, affectation of youth, affectation of a certain cenforial importance, and affectation of extreme fenfibility. The first is the most common: it is feen in all affemblies: you there often perceive the wing of the beetle, with the sportive motions of the butterfly; but unfeasonable attempts to pleafe produce nothing but difguft; when the juvenile old maid hangs out falfe colours, fhe is like a fhip difplaying fignals of diftrefs. Cofmelia, when young and handfome, neglected her perfon, preferring the character of a learned lady; but all fhe got by it was the ftupid wonder of an old schoolmafter, who was aftonished at her marvellous intimacy with the dialects of Greece. At the age of forty-feven, this lady affects to be young, and undervalues her learning. She thinks more of a fmooth fkin, than a lively imagination. Her reading is confined to advertisements of lotions to beautify REV. Sept. 1787. the R the complexion, and the lifts of marriages." She disgufts by nothing but a rage to charm." The fecond kind of this foible, that of cenforial importance, affects to comment upon the world with the afperity of Cato. Infected with this fpirit, the ancient veftal recounts the minute circumftances of a fufpected intrigue, and harangues upon the little irregularities of every one fhe knows. With all this, the is neither envious nor malignant: fhe declaims against inconti-, nence, because, under the mafk of fuch invectives, fhe acquires the privilege of treating her own fancy with thofe licentious images on which the loves to dwell. Of her order, the world has many preachers in the fame predicament. The affectation of extreme fenfibility takes its rife from a notion that woman is irrefiftible in tears. There is a refervoir of water. in the neighbourhood of female eyes, ready to be played off, like the artificial fountain in a garden. The irrational parts of the creation engross much of the old lady's fondness: a lap-dog, a parrot, or a monkey, is a conftant object of affection. They who pretend to this extreme fenfibility, fancy that they recommend themselves by the affectation of weak nerves, and uncommon delicacy of conftitution. For their nice fenfations, the air ought never to be disturbed by a louder found than that of the nightingale. We have in this chapter a lively defcription of a maiden lady, furrounded by the animal creation in her own house, and then follow fome very juft ftrictures on the affectation of fuperlative delicacy in fentiment and language. By ladies of this turn, a word of the moft harmle's fignification is confidered as obscene. They confirm Swift's obfervation, that nice persons have nafty ideas. The Author illuftrates his obfervations by exhibiting the character of a nice and delicate lady, who made coverings for the ftatues that adorned her father's gardens. She fent to the Curate to defire that he would not use the word carnal in his fermons; and refused to fubfcribe to the charity for the propagation of the gospel, because she thought there was fomething indelicate in the word propagation. The Envy and Ill-nature of old maids are introduced to close the lift of their imperfections. If old maids are fubject to envy, it is no more than may be faid of people in other stations of life. In the fine arts, envy never fails to infect the unfuccefsful tribe. In. painting, sculpture, mufic, and every branch of literature, the most exquifite productions have been depreciated by the malice of those who are not able to perform any thing praife-worthy. The fair fex are ftudents in the art of pleafing, and the old maid may, therefore, be confidered as an unfuccefsful artift. Her folitary diftrefs, and her craving curiofity, are ever fure, to be infulted by the arrogant importance of those luckier females, who have been initiated into the myfteries of Hymen. A flight tincture |